Hosting a Party/Event - Why Am I doing all the work for your event?

[nonprofitjen]

We just hosted an event for our friends… kids in the basement, too much to drink for the adults and plenty of food. Hubby made a pot of chilli and we had buns (for chilli) veggie plate, cheese and meat, dips, antipasto and even some chips and salsa. We host a drop in event every year - stay for a quick visit as you continue to your family obligations, or hang with us all night… the more the merrier.
For alcohol, we usually have one bottle of the most common - vodka, beer, rye, rum and wine.

We DON'T ask anyone to bring drinks or food, but usually, people show up with something if they plan on staying for a while. Often, our close friends will also bring an appie or sweet treats as well, which is welcomed, but again not expected.

So, why is it that when I am invited to their parties or houses, I am told what I am to bring? Am I just too old school to think that if you want me to come to your house, then you are preparing what you need for it? Again, being old school, I was planning to bring something anyway, but because you told me I had to, I don't want to. Don't even get me started about hosting a pot luck. I know it's on some blogs about how you can save money, but if your friends constantly host dinner parties for you and you return the favour by asking me to bring food, don't bother!!

I love to save money so that I can afford to be generous to my friends, family and those in need. Just don't expect it, because that doesn't make me want to be as generous.

[SassyAshley]

I feel you on the pot luck thing, our work hosts a Christmas Pot Luck for the whole building everyone is invited. It used to be a great events to bring everyone together office staff, production staff, mechanics, managers but things have changed. Last year was the last straw for me and I did not participate. The people who put together the event sign up first for the easy/affordable options and than proceed on to tell people what they are going to bring. I was always taught pot luck is everyone brings a dish but whatever you get you get, you do not tell people what to bring and you do not tell someone they are not allowed to bring something.

Last year I was asked if I knew how to make basmiti (sp?) rice when I was asked I had no idea the sign up for the pot luck was going on it was asked a question and even those around me though the person asking just wanted to know how to make it. When i said oh yeah I know how to make it I was than informed that was my dish for the potluck someone else was making a dish that needed rice and they would get back to me later on how much was needed and the person walked out. I later got a message via someone else where I was told to bring at least 20 cups of prepared rice. Needless to say I showed up that day with nothing.

This yeah when asked what I was bringing I would not answer and did not participate. Last year was my breaking point after many years taking part by bringing a dish and most years not even getting a plate of food because I am not part of the in crowd that seems to get to go up and heat everything up and would than take most of the best dishes. I got sick of hearing about the great lasagna someone brought or the chili only to find out only about 10 people out of 50 got any as people were getting second and thirds before some people got any.

We have hosted many pot lucks at our home most of which include inviting friends that just do not host these type of events, we never tell anyone what to bring, comments are never made on what is brought and as the hosts we make sure we offer something that would be considered a main dish. To me this is a pot luck so what if we get 4 pasta salads or 5 desserts it is pot luck, you get what you get and you make it work.

[luckbealady]

I LOVE potlucks - but within means. I enjoy making a special dish (or dishes!) to bring to other people's houses. I think assigning a particular dish to each person is ridiculous. But I can certainly understand asking people/telling them what course you'd like them to bring, so you don't end up with 15 apps, 10 desserts, and 1 main - or something to that effect - although the majority of potlucks I've attended the main is provided and you're asked to bring an app/side/dessert.
Heck, our family Christmas on my mom's side is always potluck - it keeps the stress off my grandparents who are hosting (although my nanny always buys extra food because "No one tells her what's going on" - but that's a rant deserving of its own thread).

That being said, I've never held a potluck, I prefer to provide the food and people can bring things if they'd like. But I don't expect other people to do the same thing when I go to their place. I guess it's because I just don't care - there's good food, good company and good times, and that's all I need.

Now what I despise is somehow organizing and being in charge of OTHER people's events - you volunteered for it, you do the work. Of course I know if I don't do it, it won't get done and we'll have a bunch of people showing up expecting food.

[torontogal12]

i think potlucks are great because everyone can bring what they want and everyone gets to have a taste of multiple items. I've never heard of assigning someone potluck items. That's not a potluck, that's a free food delivery service

[MrsSunshine]

I too love potlucks..
I've hosted quite a few here.. everyone always knows how things go.. i usually do at least a few main dishes.. and whatever is brought always equals out...
when my moms has hers.. meals are delegated out.. me taters.. mom meat.. etc. it always works out
with both situations everyone participates in clean up as well.. at least the ones i have...
I enjoy them.. but delegation is so important!

[DianneS]

I always plan on providing the whole meal when I am hosting an event, however I usually seem to find that guests ask what they can bring. Even when I say 'nothing, I have it handled', they insist, so believing in being a gracious receiver, I usually suggest a salad or dessert. (Truthfully, I enjoy cooking and like to plan a menu that 'goes together'.) In turn, I always offer to bring something when we are asked out.

I would differentiate an 'event' or 'dinner party' from a casual dinner with friends, though. We often get together with people for a meal and everyone contributes something. It is usually a multi-cultural selection of good food. The only thing that bothers me about this is that sometimes we end up with a ridiculous amount of food and some of it goes to waste. (Wasting food drives me crazy.)

I don't think I have ever been told what I am required to bring to an event or even to a casual get together. That would rub me the wrong way, too. Potluck involves "luck"....you get what you get and if you're lucky everyone will not have brought the same thing!

[Crochetlady]

We`ve had a few potluck get togethers. We did a barbecued pig with dressing, buns, all the condiments, tea, coffee and non-alcoholic drinks. Our guests brought salads and desserts. There was always lots of food with lots of variety.
Some friends now do this every summer. The first year I asked if there was anything special she wanted me to bring. She said whatever but that as far as she knew no-one was bringing potato salad. Now it is taken for granted that`s what I`ll bring.

[lghend]

I admit I'm a "stop by the grocery store on the way over" kind of person. I don't enjoy cooking, probably because I'm just not great at it and I'm always working. If I'm to bring salad, I buy a fancy bagged salad (or Ceasar salad with garlic bread) or I buy a couple of fancy desserts. Nobody has complained yet. *fingers crossed* I really admire all those that love to cook and can whip up something delicious seemingly effortlessly. That would be my Mother and my daughter....that gene skipped a generation.

[oscarandme]

I don't understand people either, I am also from old school and love to supply everything and would never assign. I just don't know how some people think and act and do not realize simple basic etiquette. I also offer and bring food, a bottle of wine or gift for host but ...you are not out of line for being surprised about other hosts expectations, that is just my opinion. And have to explain portion control like someone mentioned...please...