QOTD: Thurs. Dec. 04: Being Judged

[Natalka]

No one likes being judged;

We are all on a journey...

[Lynn49]

Hm. Right now? Nothing. Not a thing. Which isn't to say that I'm allowing myself to fall apart, lol,...there's still enough vanity here to keep up appearances..
As a teenager? Everything!
As a young Mom? Being the perfect working Mom, wife, hostess, with an immaculate stylish home and perfectly behaved children.
I guess many women don't fall into that "trap", if you will, but that's how my mom was, although she never worked outside our home, so I followed suit.
I never was unconventional.......

[sheetsofemptycanvas]

Being judged on how I do my job. I never realized how petty other home care workers can be (not all but there are some). I'm good at my job and I'm proud of the work I do but there's always someone that thinks they do a better job.

How I raise my children... I have rules that I expect my kids to follow but I'm a very easy going Mom for the most part. I tend to let them get away with quite a bit but never if what they're doing is harmful or hurtful to themselves or others.

[toban]

Being judged while I was in an abusive relationship and after I left. " Why would, did you stay? You must enjoy being hit? I would have left long time ago." To those who have judged me.. learn about domestic violence dynamics before opening you're mouth. Moving on..

[abbasgirl]

I have social anxiety, so it takes a lot out of me to go to a large group social event. I hate getting there and thinking I'm doing pretty well, only to have someone tell me to stop being so shy!

[MortgageQueen]

It's tough to be judged, but where it really starts is judging yourself.

Most times the judgement of others is less than factual and certainly does not give you the benefit of the doubt. What's important is to be open to change and personal improvement no matter who we are. That said. . .do the best you can and KNOW that no one else has walked in your shoes, therefore cannot possibly be in the position to judge.

when i meet/know judgmental people, I realize and remind myself they judge others because they feel bad about themselves. Stop the negative cycle by having compassion for "them" as they are suffering with some form of self-loathing themselves.

[Shwa Girl]

Well, I must have a car for work. It's in the job description. So like a good Smart Canuck, we chose the least expensive, most reliable car that's good on gas. It's not flashy and gets the job done.

It is sad that even neighbourhood children have learned to judge people by the cars that they drive. The children have told me that their parents change cars all the time (want the latest and newest) and want to know why we do not change our cars, keeping the same cars for years? They ask why we don't get new cars like their parents. We tell them that the car is doing fine so we don't need to change it.

At the same time their parents told us that we should just put things on a line of credit, because it's easier to do that. Like good Smart Canucks, we try to limit how much debt we have. We feel it is better to sleep soundly at night, not worrying about bills, not keeping up with the Jones' and not worrying about making it to the end of the month.

I feel sad for the kids because their parents don't get it and parents are not teaching them how to be wise with the money they have.

On the other hand, I am kind of happy that the kids are seeing that there is a difference in how people spend and borrow money.

[kellyanna_99]

I usually don't give a rat's patooty what people think, but I get all up in arms up about how some people judge my two kids with aspergers (high functioning autism), especially my one child who also has accompanying diagnoses of ADHD, tourette's OCD and an anxiety disorder among other mental health issues. Or my little one who is just diagnosed with ADHD.

It's not lack of parenting, these are real issues. I'm not drugging them for my leisure , they can't help many of their behaviours, and just because they are bright (which is often goes along with aspergers) does not mean they "know" how to behave. THe extra therapies aren't "for fun" (ABA, speech, tutors, play groups to learn how do social skills, psychologists/pschiatrists, etc), they are for them to learn what to do and how to cope! Or people who think you are letting them get away with things, or conversely not doing enough.

Mental health issues are often misunderstood, I am finding. I don't go around telling people, but when your 11 year old is having a massive anxiety attack, it's kind of obvious, or when my 7 year old starts flapping, etc.

They do well in a small private school, that accomadates their needs, and works with them, but outside of that insular enviroment, sometimes people suck.

Oh, and well I am at it, the other 2 (there are 5 in total) who have celiac, really can't eat wheat. It's not a fad they are on, it's an actualy diagnosis.

And finally, I didn't "do" or not "do" anything for them to have these, apparently dad and I were a bad, bad genetic mix (while, in many way we were !). I had two who were born prematurely, which can be attributed for some things, but not all. And 1 was fine in the mix, and one twin has autism. So, who knows? And my healthiest term baby, also has autism. So, raspberries to all of those who think so!

THanks for the vent, this felt good! I don't often venture down to the tea room, but I should !

[coupon girl]

-I hate being judged for not working for the past 2 years ( I lost my job 2 years ago but took care of my sick mother for the last 4 months of her life and 6nd a half years previous to that she lived with us so i feel I need this break in my life )I am currently watching my1 year old granddaughter3 or 4 times a week
-oh yes some do judge -that have more money than we do etc
-like shwa girl said -about our cars -my car is 10 years old-I won it( and I will run it into the ground) sure dont keep up with the jones

[MortgageQueen]

Shwa Girl. I'm so glad you don't keep up with the Jones. . . because the Jones are just plain stupid. . .and they're raising children that are ticking financial timebombs. There WILL be a day of reckoning for these people. If you read the news, the Canadian Gov't is VERY worried about the ridiculous amount of debt Canadians are carrying. Being part of the financial industry, I can assure that most financial professionals (that care at all about people) are seriously concerned about this debt mindset and take every opportunity to educate their clients to YOUR way of thinking. So kudo's to you.

Kellyanna99- I sure understand your issue too. You hang in there kiddo! There are a lot of people out there that DO understand and sadly as each year passes, we continue to see higher and higher percentages of babies born that are diagnosed somewhere within the Autism spectrum. It is becoming far more common and people will HAVE to know more and educate themselves on this spectrum of disability.

As far as celiacs are concerned, I think Industry has finally realized it's here to stay, as we can see more and more products developed monthly that are gluten free (thank goodness)

[kellyanna_99]

Keeping up with the Jones, I was never that into clothes, or fancy car, but I had (still do ) for antiques, rare books, etc, which are expensive. I have let that go, as I cannot do it now to what I did in my younger years. However, I save up and will still get one periodically, or troll kijij/garage sales/ebay for items. I think I appreciate it a bit more when I find something, as I've had to hunt and save for it.

As for the car, I totally get that. Mine was old when I bought it, and it has served me well for 18 months, without putting anything but oil changes into it. I am running it into the ground. I am saving for a newer to me van, but the longer I have until I need to get it, the better one I can get. I suspect it will be sooner then later, as I think I am on heavily borrowed time . But, it moves me around the city to school, work, church, appointments and kids activities. I won't take it on the highway now, but I Rarely go anywhere, and if I do, I can borrow my mom's new van, or she is coming with us. My van passenger side mirror was bashed last month, and it is currently duct taped up, with leopard print duct tape to hold it up (it was what was in the craft cart at the time), and my mom bought me christmas duct tape to "class" it up for the holidays. My kids also got into the chips while I was filling the car up this week, and started a food fight, so it currently has chips/popcorn all over the floor (not impressed with that). So it's ugly, disgusting, but it does the job. I will gladly junk it for a few hundred to the junk man when done . but it's cost me almost nothing for a 12 year old car, and I've put almost 50,000 kms on a car with 200,000 kms on it. IT has served me well. I don't care what people think. It makes me chuckle. I hope to upgrade my beater van to a 2005/2006 model when it dies. I won't do car payments ever again, so another slightly new beater for me .

[MortgageQueen]

Never worry what people say behind your back. Just remember, you're already two steps ahead of them. . .

[maggiespice]

I know this an older thread, but a good one....

Why can't I go out in public with no make up on and not have people look at me like I am sick? (I have had that more than once, where I run into someone I know and I am not wearing makeup and get the comment "are you feeling well today?, or "do you ever look different".)

If I want to go out in public and not get made up, I should be able to without being judged!

[walkonby]

I know this an older thread, but a good one....

Why can't I go out in public with no make up on and not have people look at me like I am sick? (I have had that more than once, where I run into someone I know and I am not wearing makeup and get the comment "are you feeling well today?, or "do you ever look different".)

If I want to go out in public and not get made up, I should be able to without being judged!

I know exactly what you mean! THAT is why I almost never wear any makeup. Maybe once in a blue moon I have to, but I also dislike that foundation, blush, " smoky eyes " ( ha ha ) and lipstick are often other people's yardstick for my health.