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  1. #16
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    I'm sure it is your father in law's dream to have his whole family together in one place, but if you have financial hardship, I"m sure he will understand if you don't go. Sounds like you have a meddling SIL. If you're holding out for a job with good schedules that helps you avoid paying exorbitant fees for child care, that is saving your family money and she is out of line for trying to meddle, and you don't have to explain that to her. Maybe you can convince your husband go alone to the reunion as a compromise that will make the old man happy as he gets older. But since money is such a problem, I think there's nothing wrong with asking father in law for help, since he is the one organizing it abroad and not closer to home.

    Good luck, I hate impossible family situations like this where you're forced to spend more than you can afford, and if you don't, you become the bad guy
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  2. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ciel View Post
    I have a feeling that sis-in-law will hold any favours she does for you if she were able to convince DH or both of you to fly wherever this reunion is to be.
    I agree with other posters who suggested Skype-somehow figure out the best hour for you here to be "live there" during the daytime over there.
    Yes, F-I-L is showing true colours to act like a drama king and not offering to cover something for all three fares. A real Lady Catherine deBurgh (Pride & Prejudice reference for the PBS fans), he is.
    OP, you know your situation and hold fast.
    Thank you Ciel, we haven't talk about the skyping options as we feel that DH side is not open for that arrangement. We are just waiting for a perfect timing.

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfwoman View Post
    You have to take care of your DH and kids first....period. And if that means offending " family" because you cannot afford to go to their get together, then so be it. Keeping a house over your heads, bills paid, food in the cupboards is more important.

    Thank you Wolfwoman for understanding. I hope my in-laws have the same understanding as you do, but they have the feeling that Im taking DH away from them but its my DH decision not to. He is in school too, that's why he told me that he will used the money to pay for his tuition fee instead buying tickets to the make it to their family reunion.

  4. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by torontogal12 View Post
    I'm sure it is your father in law's dream to have his whole family together in one place, but if you have financial hardship, I"m sure he will understand if you don't go. Sounds like you have a meddling SIL. If you're holding out for a job with good schedules that helps you avoid paying exorbitant fees for child care, that is saving your family money and she is out of line for trying to meddle, and you don't have to explain that to her. Maybe you can convince your husband go alone to the reunion as a compromise that will make the old man happy as he gets older. But since money is such a problem, I think there's nothing wrong with asking father in law for help, since he is the one organizing it abroad and not closer to home.

    Good luck, I hate impossible family situations like this where you're forced to spend more than you can afford, and if you don't, you become the bad guy
    Thank you torontogal12, Im convincing DH to go, but he doesn't want to. He wants to use the money wisely and he don't want to spend 2 weeks of his VL away from us.

    It would be impossible to ask from FIL, when we moved to Alberta, DH lost his job and he was unemployed for 4 1/2 months . There was no one to help us out. I was on my Mat Leave that time too. All came from our emergency funds. If you are a parent and you know that your son is in need you will voluntarily help especially if you have the capacity to help. DH and I are the type of person that don't normally ask for help, but if someone will offer we will take it.

    And yes I have a meddling SIL it was not the first time that she did this.

  5. #20
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    This thread has gone so far, thank you guys for being my family here. We have different insights and personal views, but I can still feel your concern.

    Honestly, I don't know how to patch things up. It feels that no one wants to talk to us, as DH side is set for the reunion.

    I was convincing DH, but as I said he want to use the money to pay for his tuition fee; he is in school too that's why we cannot afford extra spending like this.

  6. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by dzjhow View Post
    This thread has gone so far, thank you guys for being my family here. We have different insights and personal views, but I can still feel your concern.

    Honestly, I don't know how to patch things up. It feels that no one wants to talk to us, as DH side is set for the reunion.

    I was convincing DH, but as I said he want to use the money to pay for his tuition fee; he is in school too that's why we cannot afford extra spending like this.
    You two are Smart Canucks financially. The tuition is needed money for future return on educational investment.
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  7. #22
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    You have to think of your own family first. What is interesting is we have to explain to family in detail but a friend would understand completely. Don't feel guilty - stand your ground. You don't have to justify anything to anyone, no means no.

    Give it some time and eventually it will blow over. I am sure your sister in law will cause some future drama.
    Last edited by barbis9; Thu, Nov 3rd, 2016 at 10:58 AM.

  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ciel View Post
    You two are Smart Canucks financially. The tuition is needed money for future return on educational investment.
    Thank you Ciel, we can only depend on each other. We are dreaming to have our financial freedom. We would like to set our goals soon. Investing on education is the key to reach those goals. I will do the same too after DH finish his. Take care.

  9. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbis9 View Post
    You have to think of your own family first. What is interesting is we have to explain to family in detail but a friend would understand completely. Don't feel guilty - stand your ground. You don't have to justify anything to anyone, no means no.

    Give it some time and eventually it will blow over. I am sure your sister in law will cause some future drama.
    Thank you barbis9.

    She already started issues. She seeks sympathy from other family members (their step mom and other siblings). She told me that DH is blaming her for my "self pity" for being jobless.

    DH just asked her to "please" stop, as we already made the decision. The word please was there. And "self pity" is the word that SIL used for explaining our side why we cannot afford to go home.

    DH is firm, he will not go by himself. I tried to convince him last night.
    Newfiescreech, barbis9 and Ciel like this.

  10. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by dzjhow View Post
    Thank you barbis9.

    She already started issues. She seeks sympathy from other family members (their step mom and other siblings). She told me that DH is blaming her for my "self pity" for being jobless.

    DH just asked her to "please" stop, as we already made the decision. The word please was there. And "self pity" is the word that SIL used for explaining our side why we cannot afford to go home.

    DH is firm, he will not go by himself. I tried to convince him last night.
    But you already have a job - taking care of two children and a husband
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  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbis9 View Post
    But you already have a job - taking care of two children and a husband
    Indeed😊.
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  12. #27
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    We called my MIL and DIL last night and we learned that:

    They understand our situation, and they just wish to see us for the reunion that they called.
    We explained that we wanted to see everyone too, but its not the perfect timing for us with our situation.

    We concluded that its just my meddling SIL who aggravated the situation. Its been a tradition that whoever comes from abroad shoulder the expenses for the family gathering. It will just be her from their siblings (overseas) whos gonna make it.

    FIL has 8 kids, (including DH), in which 5 of them are residing in US and Canada. Unfortunately, my meddling SIL lives 4 minutes drive away from us.

    We feel better now, its just that my meddling SIL don't want to patch things up with us.

    DH and I planned to surprise DIL and MIL for $400 pocket money for their trip; $200 will help them out for they planned family gathering, and $200 as gift for his siblings, aunt, and uncles. Oldies love surprises and this is not in exchange for anything.
    Last edited by dzjhow; Mon, Nov 7th, 2016 at 05:58 PM.

  13. #28
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    That's awesome of you guys @dzjhow !
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  14. #29
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    Thank you Davetherave!
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  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by dzjhow View Post
    We called my MIL and DIL last night and we learned that:

    They understand our situation, and they just wish to see us for the reunion that they called.
    We explained that we wanted to see everyone too, but its not the perfect timing for us with our situation.

    We concluded that its just my meddling SIL who aggravated the situation. Its been a tradition that whoever comes from abroad shoulder the expenses for the family gathering. It will just be her from their siblings (overseas) whos gonna make it.

    FIL has 8 kids, (including DH), in which 5 of them are residing in US and Canada. Unfortunately, my meddling SIL lives 4 minutes drive away from us.

    We feel better now, its just that my meddling SIL don't want to patch things up with us.

    DH and I planned to surprise DIL and MIL for $400 pocket money for their trip; $200 will help them out for they planned family gathering, and $200 as gift for his siblings, aunt, and uncles. Oldies love surprises and this is not in exchange for anything.

    Smart
    Newfiescreech and dzjhow like this.
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