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Thread: Money and Family don't mix well... and I need advice

  1. #1
    CaNewbie Bamboo_Shoots's Avatar
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    Hello friends,

    I am writing here because I can't quite talk to my family about this, since it concerns my husband's family. And I'm not sure I want to expose my financial life to my friends... so I turn to you!

    Here is the situation: 10 years ago, my husband (whom I didn't know then) had a company with a friend and they were making a lot of money. His family wanted in on it, and most of them invested. 3 years later (7 years ago) his partner fraud the company and left with all the money. My husband(H) lost everything, all of his money and his house too. His family had made money for 3 years, but then lost their investments. H felt guilty because they trusted them both, he repaid his sister's boyfriend not to stir up trouble between them and started his financial life from scratch. Nobody sued the ex-partner, it was impossible for them to prove how he took the money.

    When we met, 4 years ago H was still in a critical financial situation, while I was already very comfortable financially. We have worked very hard for the past 4 years and are now is a very good situation financially, we both work hard, and flip houses on the side. We just started a major housing project and it should be complete within 18 months and we'll be set for good. Now... his mother in law who hasn't work for the past 10 years, just admitted to being in financial debt (60k...!) and since she is married to H's father, he is also responsible for this debt. She is now knocking on our door, saying it's his fault since she lost money 7 years ago (20k) and she wants him to pay her back.

    I refuse to give her a penny. First, they were victim of fraud, it's not H's fault, nor his responsibility if she lost her investment. Like I told her, if you invest in stock market and lose, there is no insurance, plus if she had made 100k with her investment, would she have given us a part of it 7 years later? Another point is, it has been 7 years, why go after him now that she's in debt? Finally, I told H, him and I have pooled our money, there is no way she is taking a penny that belongs to us now. I have worked too hard to get where I am in life and won't tolerate leeches.

    I am 30 years old and the parents are approaching 60, I don't know how they will ever retire, but feel that they want to surf on our wave to better their life, while we work our butts off.....

    Thanks for listening, I welcome any advice or opinion you may have!

    Bamboo
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    Last edited by Bamboo_Shoots; Sun, Apr 16th, 2017 at 07:44 PM.
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  2. #2
    Canadian Guru macw1960's Avatar
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    I am not sure as to why your DH is responsible for MIL's debt just because his father is married to her. Other than that your debt is your own debt and does not belong to anyone else.
    Last edited by macw1960; Mon, Apr 17th, 2017 at 05:20 PM.





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  3. #3
    momof5boys
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    If it is true, as she claims, that your husband owes her $20K, how can he be at fault for her being $60K in debt. She has a money management issue simple as that....

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    I agree that you and H do not owe MIL any money. Unfortunately investments do not come with gaurantees and she was not the only person who lost out. It has been 7yrs, if she was going to ask for 20k back, then would have been the time. These are their financial issues, not yours and Hs.
    Mother to 5yr old boy and 2yr old Boy/Girl Twins

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    Smart Canuck
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    Tell her to go fly a kite or something a little harsher!
    Vote for Dave, Dave is the rave. He is a boy honest and fine Davey can turn all your water to wine, got that certain something every one should have gettin round to diggin yourself.

  6. #6
    CaNewbie Bamboo_Shoots's Avatar
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    This is reassuring. I don't want to cause family turmoil or cause my DH to have an awkward relationship with his father, but I also won't be bullied or let me DH be bullied by her... I needed confirmation from the outside that I wasn't way off here.

    Thanks guys, I feel better
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  7. #7
    Senior Canuck
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    OP, here is a link that may interest you.

    https://www.debtcanada.ca/library/de...nherited-debts

  8. #8
    Newfiescreech Newfiescreech's Avatar
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    Guess your MiL is some what jealous that your DH getting is life back together and now she wants share of your wealth and happiness.. investments are always rest so it's time MiL sucked it up and down give her red cent . Plus she only invest 20k now she wants 60 k wow .. she needs seek help my friend ..she got spending problems.. Don't feel bad about anything sweetie.. you done nothing wrong.. Enjoy and take good care yourself
    Ciel, toronto166, dededi and 1 others like this.

  9. #9
    Canadian Guru Lynn49's Avatar
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    Yep...tell the dame to take her business elsewhere!
    If your DH has a problem with your opinion, just show him this thread.....the woman is jealous, and once again, wants "IN". Lock her out for good!!
    What miserable people there are out there when it concerns money!!

    As for flipping houses, it's going to be a lot more difficult when the new legislation comes out wrt taxing non-principal residences. Just watch out for that or seek counsel...house flippers are in the line of fire or will be soon.
    Good luck with your projects!

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    Canadian Guru Midnightly's Avatar
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    i agree with what everyone else has said... she's bitter and frustrated that many got into a hole and while she is still in the hole (now only deeper) she sees the person who she invested with has moved past the hole (by working hard and starting from scratch) and has becoming a success, it is very unfortunate that she lost money in a bad investment but she wasn't the only one by the sounds of it.. and that's the risks it takes with investments..sometimes they don't always pan out..

    i do hope she can move past this and it doesn't ruin your DH's relationship with his father (sounds like the MIL relationship is pretty jaded at the moment), and a great lesson to be learned from this is never invest money you can't afford to lose.. and don't invest with family because if it goes sour it can tear a family apart
    When life hands you Edward Cullen...throw him back and demand Eric Northman....

  11. #11
    CaLoonie
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    Please watch this video. It has curse words but if you can get past that I think it has a message in it that is valuable to this situation and really to everyone.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKAO4aItd-E
    Take particular note to the 1:28 minute mark onward
    Last edited by TIMMYS; Tue, Apr 18th, 2017 at 04:09 PM.

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    Your husband doesn't owe her $ 20 K.

    The fraud artist partner owes her that money, just like he owes everyone else whatever they lost.

    If she really wants her money ask her to go after the fraud artist partner and not your husband. Your husband is the easy target so she is going after him.

    Investments are risky. its always high risk and high reward situation.
    Newfiescreech and Ciel like this.

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    Canadian Guru jasperandchar's Avatar
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    If the partner took off with all the cash if I'm understanding this, criminal charges should have been laid by everyone and the investors had every right to sue along with your hubby. Now 7 years has gone by and I believe the statute of time has now lapsed so it's too little too late to sue BUT she did have the right to pursue civil actions as well as the others who invested and your hubby as the partner.

    Was the company incorporated? or limited liability?
    Newfiescreech and Ciel like this.
    2017 is the year that we continue to save before we buy!!!

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    i feel your pain.
    Newfiescreech, Ciel and dededi like this.

  15. #15
    Dancing bean paste bun Ciel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jasperandchar View Post
    If the partner took off with all the cash if I'm understanding this, criminal charges should have been laid by everyone and the investors had every right to sue along with your hubby. Now 7 years has gone by and I believe the statute of time has now lapsed so it's too little too late to sue BUT she did have the right to pursue civil actions as well as the others who invested and your hubby as the partner.

    Was the company incorporated? or limited liability?
    I am going to ask if the company went through bankruptcy proceedings or other legal avenue. If bankruptcy was declared, then there are limits to what can be claimed by creditors. Staff too would have lost earnings. If the company is a going concern, then I'd think OP's husband would have had legal advice on how to deal with creditors, money, etc. It also matters if the company is a limited liability (corporation) or structured as partnership vs small owner.

    Agree with other poster that mentioned that house flipping is on the CRA's radar-2016 tax return asks if taxpayer sold a home in 2016. CRA wants to catch that house flipping revenue if the home is not a principal residence to calm real estate prices. I seriously hope DH did record the money he gave to the sister's boyfriend in a legal contract with a lawyer --maybe the mother is using that situation to leverage her investment refund claim. Her spending issues are her problem.

    OP, hope you have any joint assets protected by legal documents (contracts, lawyers) otherwise if DH ever decides to access a jointly held cash asset, bank account or credit source, you will learn the hard way the money is used.
    2017-Year of the Rooster

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