Article on money troubles

[lekate]

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe...rticle1708623/

I stumbled upon this and thought it was an interesting idea. I can definitely see how you were raised will impact how you spend when you're working.

I grew up in a singly parent household, we had enough but I always though we were poor. I always had hand-me downs (probably money related, but just much cheaper, considering I was the smallest of 4 girl cousins all born within 2 years of each other). But I know whenever I spend money on frivolous things I get pangs of regret, even when there's no monetary consequence (money set aside, gift money etc). On the other hand, I know a girl who grew up relatively better off than me, and spends her money recklessly. I think because it was never an issue in her family growing up, she doesn't realize that you don't need to constantly consume as a past time. (her and her mother went shopping for fun, whereas my mother and I didn't very often and a real purpose was generally behind it, like that time she made me buy sandals even though 2 years later I refuse to wear them!). However, I do think that, because I was denied toys or other things when I was a kid, I'm not as materialistically minded, I learned to grow up 'without', and I find life more fulfilling because of it.

[ashedfc]

True.. very important (everyone should read this)..
thanks for posting

[i_forget]

Very good article. Thank you.

I think that as adults, we are responsible for our actions, however I do believe that the way we were brought up molds us into the people that we are. It is very important to teach children value, responsibility, how to save and how to work for what they want.

My kids and I like to do things like go camping and enjoy the outdoors. I created a jar called "the family fun fund" and it sits in my kitchen. Every time the kids find a penny on the ground, they put it in their pockets and bring it home and deposit it into the jar. When we go for walks, we bring garbage bags to collect bottles to go back to the Beer Store. This money too goes into the fund. I roll it when I have enough and deposit it into a savings account for them. It has taught my kids (5-8) how to 1. earn money 2. save money 3. value what they have and work towards goals 4. clean up the environment as well as countless other lessons I am sure.

At the end of summer, they will be rewarded with a vacation that they will have pretty much funded all themselves, which is going to give them such a great sense of accomplishment.
It makes me proud watching them, I can already see they are developing good financial skills and they really value what they have. Kids are a lot smarter than people realize.

[MortgageQueen]

Yes, it's true. My DH and I came from different financial backgrounds and it is glaringly obvious. I grew up where wholesome food, a healthy lifstyle and saving for special items were the rule. I had very little toys, but my parents chose to move to the country where they thought we kids would enjoy a healthier lifestyle. . .so I spent my childhood wandering the woods and streams and bike riding. (can you imagine kids doing that today?! Makes me shudder with fear)
My husband grew up with everything he desired. His Mom often tells the story when they bought him a really expensive toy and he traded it for some useless thing with a neighbour kid.(oblivious to the value)He still lives with a sense of entitlement. I say that (out loud) because he acknowledges it too. . .but seems powerless to subdue it.
Whenever we run into a chunk of money, I want to pay bills or something practical and he wants to buy a seadoo or sumthing! Lol!

It's really a challenge at our house, let me tell you. . . But I must say, from my own experience and observing others, Raise your children with good money sense!!!!!! DON'T give them too much. You're not doing them any favours. Why? Because they'll either always be unhappy because they don't get everything they want OR they'll completely prioritise their adult life about making big money so the can buy "things".These are the people that neglect their relationships and end up divorced and hardly knowing their kids. I don't think any parent would wish that on their kids.

Actually my SIL (DH's sister) is a perfect example of this. She had a job that she absolutely loved and made her very happy. . .but it didn't pay a lot. Having a wealthy lifestyle as a child, she followed the motto of self entitlement and bought a home, renovated and decorated it with the latest and grreatest. . . got in so much debt, that she had to leave the job that made her happy and take a much higher and more stressful job with more hours, to pay down all the debt. Such a shame.

I'm not saying that's the fate of everyone that grows up with everything they want. . . .but as a parent, would you want to take that chance?

[sweet sparrow]

In our family, the girls are savers and the boys can't get rid of money fast enough. We have the same parents, and were taught the same lessons about money.

From the article: "Dr. Klontz believes that our financial difficulties are not our fault and we’re not “lazy,” “crazy” or "stupid" if we can’t seem to get it together."

My sister and I track our pennies, so we do look at our brothers like they're crazy when they spend on credit. They can't seem to get enough of it! So, even though kids are subjected to the same environment, I can't say we learn the same lessons! If you asked my sister and I about how my brothers got into their mess, I'm not sure we could agree with Dr. Klontz that it's not their fault. However, my brothers would be glad to be absolved of any guilt!

[tjthemanto]

This is so true.

My parents led a pretty frugal life ( not a cheap life though ) . They always knew the value of money and had a savings mentality . They were relatively well off , so if they wanted they could have spent money on useless things , but they never did. They always focussed on the needs and not the wants.

So today even I seem to lead such a life and those values and principles are ingrained in me. I rarely buy stuff that I don't need , even if I can afford it. Usually I go for value and substance and not style and flair and fuff.

[momof5boys]

Interesting read - thanks for posting this.
Our boys knew from a very early age that it would be they that funded their own university/college education (with help from us only when there was a real need). They had a paper route from an early age of 10 and were taught the importance of saving most of that money. My husband and I both were taught basically the same money saving habits from an early age as well and both saw our parents focussed on needs not wants and put their priorities into helping those in poverty. So it does help that hubby and I are on the same page....
Two of our boys are through their university training and one is completing his sixth year - all three have not had to borrow money and had part time jobs during their time of studies. They ALL tell us how thankful they are that we didn't hand the money over to them b/c they value their education so much more and see fellow students not caring because their parents pay for it anyway.

[Retiree]

Of course, we are all products of our environmental upbringing but I have become convinced that part of how we view money is genetic. Some people get it and some just don't.

Both my husband are and always have been good money managers so both our kids had good role models, in that regard. Since we believed in the concept of we reap what we sew, we worked very hard to raise both kids to recognize the value of money and to learn to manage what they had, through allowances in their young years, having part-time jobs to finance their own larger purchases when they were teenagers and to pay room and board, once they had jobs and were still living at thome. .

Both our kids, who are now adults, are adopted. Neither one of them has been very good at money management, despite their upbringing or role models. Our daughter is a very good budgeter, on paper, but has had a diffuclt time developing the discipline to determine the difference between a need and a want. Our son, who is an artist, has had a very relaxed approach to money management, to the point that he has often not felt the need to track his spending, although I have noticed in the past 3 or 4 years, he is improving, trying very hard to control his finances rather than have his finances control him.

I expect that both our adult kids will "get it" eventually, but as parents it is often difficult to watch.

[MortgageQueen]

Of course, we are all products of our environmental upbringing but I have become convinced that part of how we view money is genetic. Some people get it and some just don't.

Both my husband are and always have been good money managers so both our kids had good role models, in that regard. Since we believed in the concept of we reap what we sew, we worked very hard to raise both kids to recognize the value of money and to learn to manage what they had, through allowances in their young years, having part-time jobs to finance their own larger purchases when they were teenagers and to pay room and board, once they had jobs and were still living at thome. .

Both our kids, who are now adults, are adopted. Neither one of them has been very good at money management, despite their upbringing or role models. Our daughter is a very good budgeter, on paper, but has had a diffuclt time developing the discipline to determine the difference between a need and a want. Our son, who is an artist, has had a very relaxed approach to money management, to the point that he has often not felt the need to track his spending, although I have noticed in the past 3 or 4 years, he is improving, trying very hard to control his finances rather than have his finances control him.

I expect that both our adult kids will "get it" eventually, but as parents it is often difficult to watch.

You could be right, but your kids could also be just "the product of their generation" too. Media out-influences people's good sense BUT don't despair! Your parental training and example DOES have an effect. Witness BOTH your children already trying to change. Be proud of them and yourself. The me-generation and immediate gratification are very strong influences in the world we live in. I would think your son is especially finding it hard as typically creative types are not interested in finances.

[Retiree]

I think are right, MortgageQueen, about "the product of their generation" thing. Our kids grew up in a generation when there was so much more to have, whether you could afford it or not and with more peer pressure to have everything instantly.

Personally, I grew up poor. My Mom was a single parent in the 60s and part of the working poor. My husband grew up in a very frugal family, where money was nearly always spent on needs and very little spent on wants. If anything, we were both afraid to let the bank account get too low. My husband worked in manufacturing and for 15 years I was a stay at home Mom so we always seemed to be preparing for strikes and layoffs and such.

The other thing that I think helps to keep a family financially sound is if both partners have similar values when it comes to money. If you don't, it can definitely be a challenge to keep that money train on track.

[Qtpi]

I think it is a good idea to teach kids about the value of money and earning money for something special that they want, but they should also "be kids". I hate when I hear a parent tell a child, "You can't have that, we can't afford it" Kids don't need to know about grown up problems, and they do not need to worry about money. Growing up in a family with 4 kids and 1 income (mom stayed home), I know now that we didn't have a lot of money, but I never knew then. We had everything we needed, clothes second-hand, and yard sale toys, I did not know my parents had very little money.
When my daughter asks for something I do not think she needs, I simply say, "No, not this time" or "No, we don't need that".

[thriftygranny]

All four of our kids were put on a budget at 15. We sat down with them and helped them calculate clothing costs, toiletries, entertainment, & transportation for a year, divided that number by 12 and wrote them a monthly check for that amount. We helped them make a few choices but after a month or two of trial and error they figured it out. they learned a lot about making choices and saving. Three of them are adults now with great financial skills. We also made them take out a loan for thier first year of College or University, if they got reasonable marks we paid it off.Too may kids go to college and partying takes priority with the freedom they have. Out of three one of my daughters almost blew it but pulled up her socks because she didn't want to pay for the year of school! I would rather pay the interest on the loan than a year of tuition for nothing!!!!

Also if you want a great read about the mind set of people's spending habits the book "Spent" is great

[aemi]

Thank you much for posting this.