How are you supposed to feel about your nieces and nephews?

[Minou]

Whenever I hear a cashier in her twenties talk lovingly about her nieces/nephews, I'm kind of surprised. It seems like a lot of cashiers see my two kids and launch into a story about their niece/nephew. Does the way you feel about nieces and nephews depend on proximity? Age? Marital Status? Whether you have children of your own? How you feel about your brother/sister/brother or sister-in-law?

I'm materially generous with my nephew/nieces, but I don't feel much emotional investment. My parents only had a niece, and they weren't close to her, either. Of course, the girl irritated my grandfather so much that he used to call her names under his breath, even when she was in the room!

So what's normal?

[Darth Penguin]

When we were younger...my neice though I was the "most wonderful person evah!". Though there's 15 years age difference between us, our children are of similar age which gives us a lot more in common than many aunt/neice relationships.

My nephews are a pair of neo-nazi white superminists who think women should be confined to the kitchen and all immigrants are bad. Even the correct ones like me and Mr P...

I like my niece...her brothers not so much..

[Natalka]

Oh, there is no 'normal', just as with all family situations being different.

I have five siblings, four of whom are older than I am, and those four all have children so I have a swak of nieces and nephews.
They started having them when I was 10, and I've always been very close to most of them. I totally love them all, very much!

I think most of it depends upon one's relationship with the siblings, if you are close with them, and visit with them - then the more you get to know the children. We're a close family, so as it got more extended, we just all stayed close.

Physical proximilty plays a part - I had one sister and one brother and their kids in the same city I was growing up. However, the kids I was closest to were in another province - and maybe saw only once a year on holiday, family occasions, etc.

I was married at 28, so there were already a lot of kids around - so I was really the doting aunt for a long time - being married didn't change very much, except as they grew older and their own lives changed.... many are married and have their own kids now. Because they are young and busy, we see them less often.

And, great news after marrying meant adding my husband's nieces and nephews into the mix - and it was awesome! There were only two of his brothers in Canada who had kids, but it was great to get to know everyone once they came here in the mid-1990s.

As for my brothers- and sisters-in law - I love them all and we are close to all of them - on both sides of the family.

Perfect family, no - but there's tons of love to go around our extended family!

Actually the niece and nephew I am not as close to are kids of my older brother's 'second family' - but that's a very long story. That brother of mine is an arse.

[vibrantflame]

I agree with Natalka, there is no "normal", it depends on so many different factors.

My nephew was born when I was 11 years old. I was close with him when he was younger, because it was fun to play toys and what not with him. But a whole lot of factors lead to us not being that close...I won't go into all the details but he has unfortunately been raised in a household where sarcasm and talking behind people's backs is the norm so he, at the moment, is similar in personality to his parents, who I don't get along with at all.

My niece is almost 10 years younger then me. I get along well with her, and she loves playing with my sons. Unfortunately we live quite far apart and they lead a very busy life (they generally have things planned a year ahead of time) so I don't get to see her as often as I would like.

[elizabeths22]

I have 2 nieces and 3 nephews who mean the world to me. I come from a blended family so only one is biologically my nephew but that doesn't matter at all to me. I love them all the same and they are a complete blessing. They have added so much joy to my life and they are still at wonderful ages ranging from 1-11 years old.

Though one of my nephews didn't enter my life until he was 3. My brother started a relationship with a single mom and I must admit it has been a lot harder to feel the same sort of connection to him as my other nieces and nephews. Mainly because I haven't had the one on one time to bond with him and his mother and I don't really get along. I really wish that could be fixed but his mom makes it apparent that we are not biologically related so we aren't given the same opportunities to spend one on one time with him.

[krysta lynne]

they prob dont have kids of their own or their kids are grown up and out. they are just trying to relate to you on some level imo

[glowworm2k]

I don't have nieces or nephews (both DH and I each have one sister, neither of whom is interested in having children). A few of my cousins and DH's cousins have children. I don't see my cousin's kids more than once a year (they live in another province), but really do enjoy spending time with them when I see them. We spent a day playing with Lego's and colouring last fall and I had a blast. They are great kids and I would be happy to see them more often.

I am not very close with DH's cousins' kids - most of them aren't interested in interacting with the adults at family gatherings and a few of his cousins are (to me at least) a bit condescending and snobby, so I try to avoid them at all costs, kids included as the kids are still too young to do much without Mom and Dad by their sides and I don't want their parents' negativity and judgments in my life.

I guess that'll all change a bit next year when my LO will be around DH's cousins' kids at his family's gatherings. We shall see how that goes. I normally let DH take the driving role in relationships with his family as I'm quite shy and most of his family are friendly but not close with me... It may just be that DH does more interaction with the LO and his family while I primarily keep to myself (as usual).

[c_mcarthur]

I have 4 nephews on one side, 1 nephew and 2 nieces on another side, and 1 niece and 1 nephew and 1 in the oven on my closest side.

The first 4, i see once a year if that.
The 1 nephew and 2 nieces I see about 4-5 times a year, they know who I am and such and but we arent really close.
My closest niece and nephew i see at least 2-3 times a month and i'm really close to them.
I think it matters if you see them alot, me and my sister are very close so naturally I'm close with her kids.
especially since her daughter is a year and half, it's giving me good practice when i have kids.

its funny, my bf and I babysat my 1 1/2 year old neice all day saturday and once we got home, he said to me, I dunno man, I'm so not really for kids yet... I mean Lia's adorable but she's very tiring, such a handful.
LOL
We aren't planning to start a family yet anyway but it was just funny to hear him say that!

[lekate]

If they're young and don't have their own it's probably that. I find many woman in their late teens/early twenties really enjoy spending time with others' little ones because they aren't ready for their own/not in the place to have their own.

I was like that with my friends daughter when I was in my early twenties, and even now, at 25 almost 26, if I were back in Canada would dote on my friends newborn, who was born just in time for me to see her before I left

[gameprogirl]

My niece and I are like sisters. I babysat her from the time I was 11-12, we are 7 yrs apart. Now I'm in my 30's and she's in her 20's and I still text her 10-15 times per day. I have a very close family and we all see or talk to each other on a regular basis. My brothers kids I see once a year so I'm not as close to them but I still love them all and speak highly of them.

I am a family girl, I desperately need them and they need me. We don't feel whole unless we are all together, even though we've all gotten married and had kids of our own, there is such a bond between us because we were always there for each other. The more time you invest in family, the more you get out of it. I may not have a ton of money but I am rich in love and that's more important. I don't have flesh and blood friends, because I don't need them. I have my cyber friends and my family

[Sunshyne1]

I am very close to my neices too and love them to bits!

I don't have my own kids, but I don't think that would change even if i did.

We're just a close knit family....and we get together and do things all the time.

[Bronwen]

Whenever I hear a cashier in her twenties talk lovingly about her nieces/nephews, I'm kind of surprised. It seems like a lot of cashiers see my two kids and launch into a story about their niece/nephew. Does the way you feel about nieces and nephews depend on proximity? Age? Marital Status? Whether you have children of your own? How you feel about your brother/sister/brother or sister-in-law?

I'm materially generous with my nephew/nieces, but I don't feel much emotional investment. My parents only had a niece, and they weren't close to her, either. Of course, the girl irritated my grandfather so much that he used to call her names under his breath, even when she was in the room!

So what's normal?

Personally we are super close to our neice and nephew. They stay for weeks at a time in the summer and alternate weekends once school starts. We live about 5 mins from them (driving).

I wouldn't say we are particularly close to my sister in law and her DH. We disagree about a lot and fight with them a lot but it's probably because we live very different lifestyles. At the end of the day we love them and were a lot closer years ago which probably is what made us close to our niece and nephew in the first place.

But the relationship we have with our ten an eleven year old niece and nephew is a lot better lol. They tell us what they're going through with their friends and emotions and look up to us. I was so proud to know I was the first person my niece called when she got her first period and she came and stayed with me and her nana for the weekend (me and her nana lived together at the time). It's a really special relationship and to top it off they're amazing with our one and two year old.

I was never as close to my aunts and uncles as my niece and nephew are to us but I consider it a blessing in many ways, and my kids love having them around too (plus they help us with the kids when they're here, bonus! lol)

[matrix82]

My little niece, born a year and a month ago is the apple of my eye :D. She made me an Auntie (I don't think my siblings will have children), so my partner's sister is my only chance to be an Aunt through her offspring.

I didn't think it was possible to love a little being as much as I love that little girl. That being said, I don't get to see her very often, only a couple times a year.

I don't have any children, I love my sister in law like a blood sister, and I am her only Aunt on her mom's side.

I just can't wait until she is old enough to call out Auntie Matrix when I see her :D.

[Darth Penguin]

I have a friend who has a nephew one year older than her, a niece she was in the same class at school as and another nephew who was 2 years younger. she was her parents' surprise baby....

[AliceStewart21]

I have one very cute niece, she is very naught, she is 4years old, she don't like other little girl love barbie doll or stuffed bear, she likes a boy, who like toy car, toy gun and so on. She is a kids leader, have many ideas to creat games. Sometimes she make me crazy, but she still look at me and laugh.