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[jasperandchar]

So as you may know I have 3 extra people staying in my house. BIL pays me $100.00 a week which was the agreement from the start, he cleans up after himself and really is no trouble accept that he works nights and needs to sleep days & also stays in the basement where my washing machine is, so it's tricky to do the laundry but life goes on.

However, MIL & FIL are here as well, it was supposed to be 2-3 weeks max but it`s now until the end of November, I hope no longer. So FIL gave us some cash for staying here, I guess it`s better than nothing and I mean nothing, it`s what they used to charge my dh 23 years ago when he lived with them . Times have changed & so has the cost of everything, you know what I mean. So okay they starting buying a few things and well okay, I don`t touch their stuff nor does dh. The kids ask but to them it`s like the old days when they went to my inlaws, they ask for chips, no biggie.

So yesterday I was out with my MIL & FIL because they were driving by the place where dh has not had time to pick the apples that I want to can or make jelly, whatever, it ended up the apples were no good for either canning or jelly, I ended helpin FIL pick the apples for the deers. Then off to Costco which I knew about but decided to not go in on a crazy Saturday am. They were gone 1 hour, then they needed to stop at Timmies for coffee, then the bank, then gas, the FIL asks MIL if they need anything at the grocery store, she says no, then he says aren`t we out of margerine, and she says yes but that`s okay, they get into a little debate, then FIL goes to the grocery store to buy margarine + other stuff, then off to Timmies again.....I was so pissed off at this point, I was having a bad mental health day and I was crying in the back seat but they didn`t know. When I got home I was a total wreck.

DH tried to talk to me calmly about what was wrong, I explained that the new medication that I was just put on is not working and that the whole am fiasco with his parents going all over the world and not carry that I was their. I ended going ape , if you know what I mean. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) plus a few other mental health issues which make my life not so easy and makes others around me on edge when I`m in this state of mind.

So I spent most of yesterday in my bedroom crying & wanting to be alone. I got up to make supper with a new attitude which was shortly lived, MIL said that she didn`t think I had enough pork chops for everyone, I calmly said I`m not in the mind set for this right now. BUT I wanted to start swearing at her and give her a piece of my mind about how freaking lazy she is, can`t even do the dishes right, is scratching the hell out of the my stovetop, etc....but I bit my tongue because when I go ape there`s no going back, I say everything I have to say and don`t feel bad because it`s the cold hard truth.

So today I get up and the dishes are not done of course they`re not done because I didn`t do them. I begin to clean my stovetop (glass top) and start to notice all the new f*ckin`scratches, I`m so pissed off, I already told her before this is an expensive stove and that she already has badly scratched 2 of my 4 cooking spots (can`t think of the name).

So I`m alone and fuming, I can`t talk calmly when things bother me because my BPD (borderline) takes over, I can give all kinds of advice to others how they should handle situations because I`m not in BPD mode & it`s not my situation to handle, but when it comes to me I just go nuts and can`t deal with this .

I`m not looking for advice, I just need to get this off my chests, yesterday I wanted to go to the hospital and see if there was anything they could do but instead went to bed hoping today would be a better day but it`s not.

Thanks for reading!

[sharkie]

When life makes you have to put up with mean and hateful people, just think of them as sandpaper. They may scratch you, rub you the wrong way, but eventually, you end up smooth and polished. But the sandpaper; it’s just going to be worn out and ugly.

[sharkie]

[walkonby]

I am certainly sympathetic to what you are living with right now. Plenty of virtual hugs being sent your way.

[gourmetsue]

Sending you big hugs!

[screamy]

Jasper, I feel for you - it sounds like it's high time MIL and FIL moved on. Adding extra pressure to someone with BPD is not helpful, to say the least. And the meds situation doesn't sound ideal - if you can speak to your MD sooner rather than later on that, please do so. We forget that we pay for medical advice in Canada because we don't normally hand over cash when we visit...just because it's via our taxes doesn't mean you should feel like you can't call and therefore must suffer through the adjustment. There might not be anything they can do to smooth out the switch-over, but they can, and should, try to help you.

Kudos to you for trying to keep the peace - if going for a walk alone is an option, I'd suggest bundling up and taking off for an hour. If they need to stay longer, enlist hubby and set some clear ground rules that are positively expressed, so they feel like they're helping out, rather than being "punished" for their behaviour. I know suggesting a quid pro quo situation may not feel helpful (e.g. "If I cook, you do the dishes") but they can't freeload. If they won't help (or if it would really make things worse to suggest it...and that could easily be the case with in-laws) then hubby needs to step up and help you.

I found this link that might help with the cooktop surface: http://www.wikihow.com/Remove-a-Scra...Glass-Cooktops.

[momgoneawol]

BIG HUGS. I think I would have blown my top long before now. Living with inlaws is never easy. Lived with my inlaws for over 2 years and at one point my parents moved into our new house for about a year. Neither situation was overly pleasant. Again BIG HUGS, hope things get better.

[ex0ticb3lla]

I feel for you I am also the same way (on meds as well for similar reasons). If I am aggravated in anyway shape or form, I blow my top and like you said, there's no going back. I can go from 0 - 60 in a heartbeat (which sucks, but I know how you feel). Kudos to you for trying to be so patient with EVERYTHING. I know if I was in the backseat of that vehicle, I wouldn't be crying I'd be freaking out and yelling LOL so definite kudos for not blowing a gasket!!

[SavenRaven]

*Hugs*

[jasperandchar]

Thanks for the tip!

Jasper, I feel for you - it sounds like it's high time MIL and FIL moved on. Adding extra pressure to someone with BPD is not helpful, to say the least. And the meds situation doesn't sound ideal - if you can speak to your MD sooner rather than later on that, please do so. We forget that we pay for medical advice in Canada because we don't normally hand over cash when we visit...just because it's via our taxes doesn't mean you should feel like you can't call and therefore must suffer through the adjustment. There might not be anything they can do to smooth out the switch-over, but they can, and should, try to help you.

Kudos to you for trying to keep the peace - if going for a walk alone is an option, I'd suggest bundling up and taking off for an hour. If they need to stay longer, enlist hubby and set some clear ground rules that are positively expressed, so they feel like they're helping out, rather than being "punished" for their behaviour. I know suggesting a quid pro quo situation may not feel helpful (e.g. "If I cook, you do the dishes") but they can't freeload. If they won't help (or if it would really make things worse to suggest it...and that could easily be the case with in-laws) then hubby needs to step up and help you.

I found this link that might help with the cooktop surface: http://www.wikihow.com/Remove-a-Scra...Glass-Cooktops.

[Minou]

Honestly, I think it's time for your in-laws to move into a hotel somewhere that they're able to pay by the week, especially if they're saying it's only going to be another few weeks.

I think it's important to remember that you should never allow people to stay with you ever again, as with your mental health situation, you're not able to handle it...I agree that some of the things they're doing are too much, but I also get the sense that you're now in a state where you're reacting to the smallest of things. From what I remember, you had posted that you were annoyed about these people being ungrateful long before they even moved in. If I were already feeling that way, I wouldn't be allowing them to move into my space with me, as the resentment would only get worse.

[luckbealady]

Have you tried asking your husband to help around the house? I know he works (probably long hours), but even doing the dishes when you're not feeling well would be a good thing.

Ask him if he could do dishes twice a week maybe.

And it wouldn't surprise me that if his mother sees him doing the dishes, she might help him.

[RebeccaRYoung]

Hugs!

[hollyquaiscer]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this at a time when you're trying to find a combination of meds that will help you. My youngest, also has BPD, so I'm very aware of how you feel when things like this happen. Remember, you are in charge of what happens to you and how you feel. DON'T let others change your mood and ruin your day.

It seems it's time for a chat. Make sure you get the support of your dh. Make a list of all the things irratating you. The stove top, the dishes, the tiny amount of money they feel is sufficient to cover the cost of the extra hot water, lights and so on. The list will help you in your talk, as if you are like my dd, once the discussion begins, focus may be shifted to other things and you want to make sure you cover all your issues.

They seem insensative to you and your family, whether it be by pure ignorance of the fact that they really don't care. You need to advise them that you are tired of being the maid, and that all the extra work they are causing you is to much for you to deal with. Set some ground rules for the duration of the time they are with you.

1 - It is their responsability to do the dishes and clean the kitchen after EVERY meal.
2- The cost of electric and hydro is increased by (show them bills from before they invaded and now) $$, and it is their responsability to pay $$$ every month to cover these extra costs incurred
3 - They can either purchase you a new stove (exactly the same as the one you have) or pay to have the stovetop replaced, as they have been told several times about the way to look after your stove.
4- Explain the fact that you have med issues that you are dealing with, and that you have certain things planned for certain days, and let them know that if you go out with them to run some errands, and you expect to be home at a certain time (assuming you all have discussed where you are going and what is happening), you need to be home at that time. Tell them how you feel when that doesn't happen.

Sometime we feel that people should know exactly how we feel and what we're thinking, but thats not always the case. It's clear that your in-laws have little respect for your personal property, so if they don't like what you have to say, well then, there is always a motel down the block that has a vacancy.

I hope you feel better real soon and that your meds get settled for you. I feel for you hon.

[Sunshyne1]

Im not trying to be a bi*ch, but maybe it's time you should say something to your MIL & FIL????

I know they're your husbands parents, but it's apparent they are taking a toll on you mentally & physically.

It might hurt their feelings, but sometimes I think that if we don't tell people when we're upset and what we're upset about, how are they suppose to know that what they are doing is a problem?

Think of it this way. if you're kids are being bad, do you just keep letting it slide and slide? Or do you tell them so that they can change their behaviour?

I hate to see someone trying so hard for people that really don't seem to appreciate everything you've done and are doing for them.

Yes, family is family...but sometimes even family take advantage without knowing it.

Talk to them. tell them you need some help and can't keep up with everyhing, housework, shopping, money etc etc...

there's no harm in that, is there????