Another Cheap Laugh Thread

[thecountess]

[thecountess]

[Patty Smyth]

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

A contestant, Sally, on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final plateau.

If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected, the Million Dollar Question was no pushover.

It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own
nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot..... She did not know the answer.

She had used up her '50/50' Lifeline and her 'Ask the Audience'
Lifeline..... All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.

She hoped she would not have to use it because........ Her friend was, well ... a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly:

'That's easy.... The answer is 'C - the cuckoo.'

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her.

And considering her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, 'C: The cuckoo.'

'Is that your final answer?'

'Yes, that is my final answer.'

'That answer is absolutely correct!
You are now a Millionaire!!!!!!!'

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the Million Dollars.

'Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, ' said the contestant. <o:p></o:p>

'How did you happen to know the right answer?'

'Oh, come on,' said the blonde 'Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. <o:p></o:p>

They live in clocks!'

Sally fainted.....<o:p></o:p>

[heartgirl99]

A couple whose passion had waned saw a marriage counselor and went through a number of appointments that brought little success. Suddenly at one session the counselor grabbed the wife and kissed her passionately. "There" he said to the husband, "That's what she needs every Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday". "Well," replied the husband, "I can bring her in on Mondays and Wednesdays but Saturdays and Sundays are my golf days."

[heartgirl99]

Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC. I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant. He laughed as he told me it meant "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer"

[thecountess]

Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC. I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant. He laughed as he told me it meant "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer"

[Patty Smyth]

> >Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and
> >fishing trip.
> >
> >Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot
> >down and tells him he isn't going.
> >
> >Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
> >
> >Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank
> >sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish
> >cooking on the fire.
> >
> >"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife
> >into letting you go?"
> >
> >"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was
> >sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands
> >over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
> >
> >I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
> >
> >She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen
> >candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes!
> >
> >She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she
> >said "Do what ever you want."
> >
> >So, here I am!
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[Patty Smyth]

<TABLE style="mso-cellspacing: 1.5pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184" class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR style="mso-yfti-irow: 0; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes"><TD style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #ebe9ed; BORDER-LEFT: #ebe9ed; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BORDER-TOP: #ebe9ed; BORDER-RIGHT: #ebe9ed; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top width="100%">"DEAR ABBY" ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUERIES:

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so m uch, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?


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[DH666]

A new sales clerk at Canadian Tire was being trained to cross sell. The manager explained that if someone came in and wanted skates, ask them if they need anything else like elbow pads, skate protectors, hockey stick.

The next day a guy comes in and speaks briefly to the sales clerk and then walks out with a full set of camping equipment.

The manager congratulated him and then asked what the customer wanted in the first place.

The sales clerk said "Well, he came in for a box of tampons so I told him his weekend was shot anyway and he might as well go camping."

[heartgirl99]

A husband and wife were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. The husband asked his wife if she would ever do that.

She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but
to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."

[Patty Smyth]

Today's lesson :

Daddy's car in the woods?
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.'Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her
shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.'

Mommy fainted!

The Moral:
Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt! <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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[Turkish_DeLight]

i love this thread

[Patty Smyth]

The Love Story of Ralph and Edna<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.<o:p></o:p>
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day...<o:p></o:p>
While they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.<o:p></o:p>
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.<o:p></o:p>
When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news." The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him... I am so sorry,... but he's dead."<o:p></o:p>
Edna replied... "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." <o:p></o:p>
"How soon can I go home?"<o:p></o:p>

[Natalka]

LOL Patty - wow, I can 'relate' because I used to work at a mental hospital... and some of the TRUE stories aren't very far off...

[Patty Smyth]

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A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later! a little Pop-Up appeared that said:


Scroll down...You'll love this ... <o:p></o:p>

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<v:shape style="WIDTH: 180pt; HEIGHT: 270.75pt" id=_x0000_i1026 type="#_x0000_t75" alt="cid:[email protected]"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\HP_ADM~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01 \clip_image002.gif" o:href="cid:992B99362A9C4C048AC8834AEFF2080A@barba raPC"></v:imagedata></v:shape><o:p></o:p>

'You got Male!' <o:p></o:p>

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