toddler starting to hit

[monkeyincowtown]

Hi you guys
My DD whose 22 months has started hitting when she does not get her way Not all the time, but enough to make me want to put an end to it pronto! So far I've been telling her sternly "no hitting" and make her say sorry to me afterwards. I've given her a time out in her crib twice now. It breaks my heart though and really hurts my feelings when she does this to me. I know she is just frustrated because she can't properly express herself. I was just wondering how other parents have dealt with this and if there was anything in particular that was very successful for you. Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom you can offer.

[orv]

... im waiting for responces to this one.. my DD is 24 months but starting to be very mean aswell... he favorite saying is " iiiii dont WANT IT!!!" while stomping and crossing her arms.... how do such small body develop such BIG attitudes???? lol

[Zonny]

The only advice I have is, it will pass. My DS was hitting us all the time when he didn't get his way (but only us, his parents, NEVER at daycare). They know they have power over us, and that it will get a reaction. Ignoring it helped a bit.

Z

[BCSparkyGirl]

I know many will disagree with me, but I do the same thing with hitting and biting. Biting, I bite her back.....she has not done it since.......hitting, she gets a swat on the butt, and then she goes for a time out on her bed. She doesn't do that a whole lot. The whole time out thing I just don't see working well with someone who doesn't comprehend psychology.

I am a firm believer in spare the rod, spoil the child.
I had numerous spankings as a child, and I think it kept me from turning into a little so and so youth, like many I see out there today.

And that's my 2 1/2 cents.

[khipson]

Keep doing what you're doing - the concept you need to reinforce is that what she's doing is wrong and it hurts you and makes you sad. And remember that you are the grown-up and she MUST listen to you. Don't take it personally as if she is really capable of disliking you. It's not that - you are just the person who is standing in the way of what she wants and of course it's not going to sit well with her when you block her. But you need to remember that it is your job to make sure she learns these lessons as early as possible... that it hurts when she hits... that she needs to listen to Mommy... that she isn't always going to get her way... and that above all of that you are going to remain stable, consistent, firm and loving.

And whether or not you think she understands you, explain exactly what she did that was wrong, why it was wrong, and what you are going to do about it. With no cutesy baby talk or anything - just straight-up facts.

The toddler years are a challenge, no doubt about it. But the teen years will be exponentially harder for parents who take it easy during the tot years. So keep it up - you're on the right track. It's hard, and sometimes it really does hurt... the first time you hear "I hate you!" from the little one you've given your life to, it really sucks. But be the grownup, be strong, and you'll be amazed how fast this stage is over.

((hugs))

[Midnightly]

as BCsparkygirl says that method does work i see it as a method you should try if nothing else is working

time outs and "no hit" works for us i take both her hands infront of me and say "no hit" and if she repeats it she gets a time out in a time out chair(afterwards her saying sorry and giving a hug) we've gone the time out chair over putting her to bed or her room because i worry that if she gets a time out in her bed it may make her see her bed as a unhappy place (a place where you'd go when your in trouble)

she still does on occasion when she gets frustrated but we just repeat the process(no hits,then time out).. i think it part has to do with thier frustration with being unable to communicate what they want or if something isn't working

[monkeyincowtown]

Thanks for the tip about not putting her in her crib for the time out. I don't want her to associate her bed with punishment! Although I don't think I could get her to just sit in a chair, I'll have to try and think of something else. As for hitting her back, that's not something I'm prepared to do. I too was spanked as a child and turned out just fine, but I feel like I'd be sending her missed messages. If I tell her no hitting and then hit her, I think it would take her longer to understand that she's not supposed to hit. I feel like she'd be thinking, well Mama hits so I can hit too. Thanks so much to everyone who has responded so far. Its nice to know I'm not alone.

[millie_ke]

Thanks! learn much more. My DS is 24 month. I will try your methods, but not hit or bite back. He also hit other children. That is my problem.

[BCSparkyGirl]

I find I will gve her a bit of a tap on the bum, and then talk to her about it, like "you don't like that do you?" she says no....so I say, "well mommy doesn't like it either", and she seems to put it together.

[Midnightly]

time outs are a struggle.. it took us about a half hour of her screaming and pitching a fit and getting off the chair before we got through the first one(a constant correct the behavior, make her sit, and be quiet for 2 minutes then i come and talk to her and we hug afterwards).. and as we have progressed the time has gotten shorter.. so don't give up hope it takes time, i've used my hubbys computer chair as the "time out" chair and she knows the chair is used for time outs(perk to this, it prevents her from playing on the chair because i always fear she'll play on it and will lean back and tip it over) she'll even give her toys time outs (zuzu has gone for many a time out in this house for "being noisy")

[D-Roc]

First absolutely no hitting and no respond back with what she is doing.

You arae doing the right thing and changing her time out spot to something other than her crib is a good thing. What I suggest is to also help her express herself with words. This is what we did. When she hits do you what you normally do (tell her it is wrong, etc) but follow it up by asking her to explain what she wants or why she is frsutrated? When she does praise her and tell her that is something you can understand and using words is better than hitting as you do not understand why she hits. We had to stick with this consistantly (about 1 month) when it was basically corrected for good. Not once did we tap her on the bum or bite back or hit back. That solves ntohing and only reinforces violence.

[Alixana]

I've taught my girl, almost anyways, that if she really feels the need to bite/hit mom/dad that she should bite/hit herself. She feels how it hurts so she stops. I try not to ignore her when she gets like this, cause I know she's just frustrated that I'm not getting what she wants. I try and calm her down and ask her to explain to mommy what she wants.

[Zonny]

I've taught my girl, almost anyways, that if she really feels the need to bite/hit mom/dad that she should bite/hit herself. She feels how it hurts so she stops. I try not to ignore her when she gets like this, cause I know she's just frustrated that I'm not getting what she wants. I try and calm her down and ask her to explain to mommy what she wants.

This could backfire on you. My DS doesn't hit us anymore, but will sometimes hit himself when he's mad! Drives me crazy. We take away stuff when he does it (no TV for example), and he's getting better about it. But still very frustrating!

Z

[mwieler]

I know this may seems mean to some, but you gotta disipline,show her you won't stand for that behavior.I find that a spank on the bottom when they do that helps. I have a sister-in-law who's daughter always does that and also hitting and yelling "i hate you!!",but she never does anything to disiplin her either,that's the problem. Personally,I don't stand for it,I believe one has to draw a line and if they delibrately step over that line(so to speak)there are consecuences. That's how I see it. I know some don't believe in spanking. Hopefully I didn't offend anyone!

... im waiting for responces to this one.. my DD is 24 months but starting to be very mean aswell... he favorite saying is " iiiii dont WANT IT!!!" while stomping and crossing her arms.... how do such small body develop such BIG attitudes???? lol

[Zonny]

In addition to sending the wrong message, I found that hitting back just didn't work. It didn't make him stop hitting. I never thought I'd be someone to spank my child, but yeah, I've done that too. IMO, a little smack on the bum never hurt anyone.

I think it was mostly time that took care of that! Time, and refusing to give ANY attention for the offending behavior.

Z