Friends?

[Lynn49]

My best friend...sister, really....of over 20 years has just been officially diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease.....I don't think 2 days have ever gone by when we're both in town that we haven't touched base....we've been through so much with each other, as friends, as wives, as mothers....I've outlived a couple of others, but no one like her; if women have soul-mates, she is mine.....

[Sally888]

Its hard to trust other people, a lot of us have been betrayed/ have trust issues. But there also is such things as forgiveness, you can't blame new people for old peoples trespasses. We only live once and why miss out on some great friends/ relationships. You never know unless you move forward.

I trust my friends and I love them.

[Darth Penguin]

I have one very good friend here. SHe's the one I left DD1 and DS with overnight while I rushed DD2 to hospital when Mr Penguin was away.

I have a couple of friends in the UK who I'm in contact with weekly and I know if I turned up on their doorsteps tomorrow I'd be welcome for as long as I wanted.

And of course there's here. I've met some nice people both on-line and IRL due to this board.

[kazm-l]

I have absolutely no-one!

[curt81]

No real friends here. I use to have a few but it's been over 10 years since I had any. My problem isn't with trust but with anxiety. I have trouble communicating and have always felt like an outcast, like I don't belong.

[Lynn49]

No real friends here. I use to have a few but it's been over 10 years since I had any. My problem isn't with trust but with anxiety. I have trouble communicating and have always felt like an outcast, like I don't belong.

It's absolutely difficult to make friends...I guess it'll be my turn to try...Feeling like an outsider is so very common...But with practice it becomes easier. Like: I'm thinking of attending church services at this little church close by, perhaps meeting the odd person, getting into a conversation, which (usually has) leads to being invited to attend some club or other...all to make new friends.
I know they'll never take the place of older, dearer friends, but they'll be aquaintances I'll have...a place to go and chat....There's also a senior's centre here that's very active, but (and I know this sounds dumb) I know too many people who are involved there, and although I'm sure they're still quite nice, I'd rather stake out new ground....

The way I see it, is that everyone is looking for someone to call a friend...or just someone to go for a coffee with, or share similar interests...everyone feels weird meeting someone new for the first time...geez it can be awkward!
Joining a sport that puts people together is also good...like showing up at a bowling alley and saying you want to join the league! You'll get put into a group, and there's your entertainment and perhaps someone there you'll meet a new friend or...ahem...a potential girlfriend?

Yep. Never easy, but it's the same for everyone...intimidating, but after a while (in my experience) there's always someone who shares your interests. You just have to be persistent, join lots of groups, take classes in something for leisure...the more you do it..the easier it gets. I promise!

[KrazE]

Absolutely no-one for me, just my kids & my SO and I'm fine with that.

The following is MY feelings and in no way are open to debate or to tell me that I can't feel this way about people. Also, in no way is it directed at people here on this forum since I don't know any of you, and it's text based, and I am referring to offline.

I have severe trust issues IRL, I'm very jaded and tend to see people out for only themselves, no matter who they have to step on to get what they want.

My biggest trust issues are with other females; I see them as catty, gossiping, lying, deceitful, jealous, and nasty. I would never, ever, tell another female IRL my thoughts, secrets, anything, because I know that with 100% certainty, she will tell someone who will continue that cycle.

I used to have a very massive group of friends, but I got so tired of the behaviour as I mentioned above that I just simply stopped bothering with all of them. I even moved hours away and cut off all contact for years. We all have a very very small amount of contact via FB, but that's the end of it - I don't discuss my private life with anyone.

So yeah, I'm jaded & lack trust

[abbasgirl]

Yes, I do have a couple of really close friends. I tend to be quiet. I don't like crowds at all and I avoid doing things where I have to be in a large group. I don't have a lot of acquaintance-type friendships. I prefer to have just a few people that I am very close to.
I do agree though. It is harder to make friends and maintain friendships as an adult. It was much easier as a kid and in college when I was in the same space as my friends every day and we were all doing similar things. As an adult I have to make a conscious effort to stay connected.

[momof3heathens]

I have a friend I can tell things to but on her schedule(not that I am expecting anybody to drop everything)which sometimes is hard to work with when I am in need of a friend. She can tell me things as well. The only problem with the friendship is she is jaded and I often get tired of her ripping on certain subjects like men and upper class/higher income people. Oddly she has a master degree in clinical counselling but sometimes when I come home from coffee with her I just want shake my head.

[Tantum]

I have just one or two close girlfriends...and I'm ok with that. Sure, I have lots of what I call superficial friends, we'll meet for coffee, or a bbq here and there... but just 2 that I can really count on being there should I ever need them.

Girls can be catty, talking about others and I've learnt the hard way it's easier to keep people at a distance.

I'm happy with my 2 friends. With these two, I can let it all hang out and never care what they think. They won't be judging me.

Besides, with 10 kids I don't exactly have a lot of time on my hands to sit around and sip coffee anymore.

[Andit]

I have a best friend & a second-best friend.

My best friend is someone I`ve known since I was 4 (we met in kindergarten) & she`s also my vacation buddy (we travel very well together). S was there when I had my transplant (& teased me about having a really good looking surgeon when I was about to be wheeled into the OR). She also kept a close eye on me & made sure the nurses spoiled me. If I need anything at all, i know I can call her in the middle of the night & she will help me. I`ve also been there for her. When she was dealing with anxiety from her wonky thyroid & her GP insisted it was psychosomatic, I was the patient advocate from ****, insisting she get tested for *everything*. I went with her to each appt & I was the one who calmed her down when she called me in tears in the middle of the night cause the anxiety would overwhelm her.

My second-best friend is also someone I can call in the middle of the night for help, if I needed it. We have long philosophical conversations that go on til all hours of the morning. D wasn`t there for me during the transplant, although we were friends, but at that point D had trust issues. In fact, it`s only been the last year that we`ve become really really close.

I also have a lot of close friends, who I could count on if needed (& who know they can count on me).

I have been very blessed to have such a great support system. It really makes my Mom happy to know that I have people who can take care of me when she finally retires from being my housekeeper.

I am also getting close to some other folks who are more than acquaintances, but not quite friends as yet. One of these days.

Oh & I have a large circle of acquaintances, of all ages.

The funny thing is I am really a loner. I truly enjoy my own company & can`t bear the thought of having to live with another human. I`m not particularly gregarious, but somehow, I find it easy to make friends. Maybe it`s because I`m a bit of a pollyanna & when I see someone in need of help & I`m in a position to do so, I`m compelled to act? Or maybe it`s because of all I`ve gone through & I don`t give a darn what others think anymore & don`t put on an act?

Oh & I haven`t even got into my list of online friends (some of them have moved to IRL friends).

& I have a confession - I actually have to refer to a spreadsheet on those days when my brain is fried to remember the real names that correspond to my friends`online names. Even worse, there are folks I know in my neighbourhood (acquaintances with friend potential) who I don`t recognize when they are out & about without their 4-legged significant others.

[Andit]

Yep. Never easy, but it's the same for everyone...intimidating, but after a while (in my experience) there's always someone who shares your interests. You just have to be persistent, join lots of groups, take classes in something for leisure...the more you do it..the easier it gets. I promise!

I have 3 good friends I met on an online forum discussing dogs. While not everyone in the online group is, ahem, friend potential, the 4 of us clicked. We talk regularly, have been to each others' homes & try to get together every month or so.

The first time I met them (lunch at a busy restaurant), I didn't dare tell my folks that I was meeting scary people from the internet.

[Lynn49]

I have 3 good friends I met on an online forum discussing dogs. While not everyone in the online group is, ahem, friend potential, the 4 of us clicked. We talk regularly, have been to each others' homes & try to get together every month or so.

The first time I met them (lunch at a busy restaurant), I didn't dare tell my folks that I was meeting scary people from the internet.

Oh, Honey, then your folks would have loved this one!

I met someone who became a very good on-line friend many years ago when we were both on a Caregiver forum. Our situations were similar (both looking after an aging parent), and like you said, we 'clicked'. So much so, that over the course of a year, we just knew we'd have to meet one day, but me being in Ontario and her being in BC, it didn't look likely to happen. Then, my hubby retired, and wanted to see some of the country together, so I suggested we visit my girlfriend in BC! He immediately said, 'why not?!', so I ran to the computer to email my friend that we were coming for a visit and omg, the excitement over the next month just grew and grew!!

I told our daughter about it, and she was just ....."You're going to meet someone you don't even know?! Would you let ME ever do that?! Of course not! They could be axe-murderers for all you know!"...hehehe...So we went. And were greeted like long-lost cousins...our hubbys clicked, they climbed a mountain, she and I went shopping, we had bbqs and we soaked up the BC sunshine for a week. It was wonderful!

We still email each other and of course they have an open invitation to visit us in Ontario any time!

Since then, I've met some wonderful women...and men...here on SC and one in particular, Avon, I've met in person when we both dragged out hubbys to Michigan to do some cross-border shopping! I know we'll be friends for a very long time and will get together again whenever we can....Did you hear that, Avon? Florida? This March? We'll be waiting for you!!

So Andi....what's life all about if we don't trust, and take a few chances, right?
"If we take a chance, we may fail. If we never take a chance, we'll always fail."

[kanewtz]

I have quite a few close friends.

It helps that I am not shy and an extreme extrovert!

My wife is super shy and affraid of confrontation. We are such opposites.

That being said, I will be anyone's friend here!

[frugal50]

I have quite a few close friends.

It helps that I am not shy and an extreme extrovert!

My wife is super shy and affraid of confrontation. We are such opposites.

That being said, I will be anyone's friend here!

it's true opposite attracts
i know many couples like you where one is reserved the other outgoing
extreme extroverts do attract many friends.