Household duties. And are you a nag?

[marstec]

Are you the only person who notices the dust in your house and does something about it?

Who changes the toilet paper roll? Takes out the garbage? Sweeps the floor? Does/puts away the dishes? Laundry? General tidying up?

If you have children...do they do any of these things without being asked? If chores are assigned, what are the expectations? What happens if you have to nag them to do their jobs?

I do 3/4 of the chores around the house (my husband does the rest, often only when asked). It was always easier for me to do it when the children were young, but now I am seeing the error of my ways. I wished I had started household tasks sooner, now it's an uphill battle.

[Zonny]

I'm a bit embarrassed to say...I'm your DH! I do tell him to ask me, I will help more, but in all honestly I sometimes just don't SEE the dust/clutter/stuff in the wrong place. And he often doesn't ask. I am the cook and shopper in our house (funny, everything to do with food!), but DH looks after a lot of the household tasks.

DS just turned six and doesn't have regular chores at this point, but he does ask to help DH and enjoys helping with laundry, etc.

[walkonby]

marstec, well where do I begin?

O.k. giving kids responsibilities when they are young is the crucial element that will hopefully shape the adults they become. That being said I did give my kids chores, never an allowance ever, as I explained to them that no one pays me to clean my own house, so they don't earn money for that either.
When they are little and not really that much actual help to you ( although the adorable and eager factor are precious and treasured memories for me) they volunteer to be Mommy and Daddy's helper all the time.

Then when they are strapping tall and strong teens towering over you, well, you ask, you remind, you mention 3 or 4 times, you angrily shout, nothing seems to make them volunteer, but the ignoring when asked is aggravating.
Spouses are another whole kettle of fish. I used to be worse than I am now. I actually was a wee bit of a nag as I wanted everything clean ALL the time.
I remember DH years ago saying " stop planning every weekend for me! " and by planning he meant that I had a list of chores that needed doing, it is so funny now that I just remembered that.
I have mellowed, time has passed, and instead of developing a heart condition over the fact that was not how my DH and kids housework barometers were, I lowered my standards. ( a lot!!, lol)
Not to say that the house is a pigs sty, but there are chores I give a rats a** about now that I actually lost sleep over years ago.
I think it may have been tied to the fact that I cared what other people thought if they visited.
I am certain that mattered very much, thank goodness it has eased it's way out of my mind more as the years have passed.
I wish you luck in moving forward with getting more help, but if it doesn't work you might just have to lower your standards, lol!

[MortgageQueen]

This thread reminded me I'm due to have my "sit down talk" with my DH that I have about every 4 months. . . the one where i ask why it is that I happen to do all the housework, laundry, shopping, cooking and still work where as he works and does. . .??
That follows with the look of shagrin and him being helpful without being asked for about. .. a week. lol
I will say tho, this problem is often helped by having a written list of responsibilities that they can refer to and check off. it seems to give structure and satisfaction of a job completed.

[walkonby]

This thread reminded me I'm due to have my "sit down talk" with my DH that I have about every 4 months. . . the one where i ask why it is that I happen to do all the housework, laundry, shopping, cooking and still work where as he works and does. . .??
That follows with the look of shagrin and him being helpful without being asked for about. .. a week. lol
I will say tho, this problem is often helped by having a written list of responsibilities that they can refer to and check off. it seems to give structure and satisfaction of a job completed.

so your DH can READ then?! You are blessed

[MrsSunshine]

well.. i think like many of you and act like may of you.
I don't get paid.. why should they.
I more often just instead of nagging just do it.. but then look out if you want something done.. ykwim
i never have to worry about hubby. I can always count on him.

[kazm-l]

I do it all - Nobody else sees a darn thing.
I nag the kids from time to time but all i do is get myself nicely worked up!
I occasionally go on strike - doesn't seem to help anything - i still end up doing the work in the end as i can't stand
the pigs mess that is my kids bedrooms.
From time to time they do the odd thing...and expect a Gold medal for it too!!
I wish i'd done a better job when they were younger and maybe i should nag dh too as in all the time we'Ve been together
he's not swept the floor, wiped a counter or cleaned a darn toilet - At least he helps with the dishes....some times!


I feel somewhat depressed when i think of what a terrible job i'Ve done!!

[marstec]

I do it all - Nobody else sees a darn thing.
I nag the kids from time to time but all i do is get myself nicely worked up!
I occasionally go on strike - doesn't seem to help anything - i still end up doing the work in the end as i can't stand
the pigs mess that is my kids bedrooms.
From time to time they do the odd thing...and expect a Gold medal for it too!!
I wish i'd done a better job when they were younger and maybe i should nag dh too as in all the time we'Ve been together
he's not swept the floor, wiped a counter or cleaned a darn toilet - At least he helps with the dishes....some times!


I feel somewhat depressed when i think of what a terrible job i'Ve done!!

Are we sisters? That is how I feel in a nut shell. My children whine about having such a small allowance (compared to their peers), but I mention that they don't do any housework. It's frustrating because I know they will be living with me for so many more years and I don't want to be stuck doing everything for a bunch of ungrateful adults, even if they are related to me.

I am currently on a laundry strike right now since my husband accused me of trying to kill the washing machine by overloading it. Why else did we buy an extra capacity, heavy duty washer if we can't wash more than four towels in it? Anyway, we'll see how long that lasts.

I had a problem with my daughter leaving her worn underwear on the bathroom floor, solved that by hanging it on her doorknob. With the son, I waited until he was using his mike on the Playstation and pronounced quite loudly to pick up his gitch from the floor.

Too bad we couldn't all go on an annual retreat and have the rest of the family fend for themselves...they might see how much they take for granted.

[MortgageQueen]

How about "removing" the allowance? I mean, why give it to them? There's a child behavior expert name of Barbara Collorosa (I could listen to her for hours) She says allow them to make their own decision but also allow them to accept the consequence that comes with it.
One of her tips is to give them a choice. Clean your room and get a reward (extra TV time/ favorite meal/ whatever) or don't clean your room and have to do it tomorrow instead of going to the mall with your friends. . .you get the idea.
Positive and negative scenario, but THEY decide and they reap the consequence
Worth a shot? Yes/no?

Just so you know. . .I have no kids! Lol!!! But seriously, friends of mine tried it an they said it worked like a charm. Trick is of course. . .sticking to your guns.

[lilo0003]

wait am I married to your husbnads and rasing your children becuase this sounds like my home.
My mom always accused me of doing a half @$$ed job when I was a kid. I never knew what that meant & then I got married.
I have a few jobs I refuse to do and the kids do them such as garbage & recyling.
I used to go on a laundry strike until one day I decided that just made me crazy becuase I can't stand dirty laundry. Now my rule is if the boys (8 & 11) don't take their laundry downstairs & sort it into the bins then it won't get cleaned and if you miss my laundry cut off well too bad so sad. I also don't fold it or bring it back up to their rooms & this actually works.
Yes, I have lowered my standards for love

[ninna]

I can't really complain about the dividing of tasks in our household. After all, I'm a mechanical moron, so it goes without saying that I should not be the one tearing apart the brakes on the car. By the same token, DH isn't exactly the cleanest and neatest person, so indoor domestic duties fall to my shoulders for the most part. I'm a fairly liberal minded kinda gal so it's always struck me a little funny that me and DH divvied up the tasks in such a traditional manner. He's the man outside; I'm the woman of the house. *shrugs*

We do cross the lines though. There've been times in the past when my work got extremely busy and he stepped up to do more of the laundry or to cook more meals and wash dishes. There are some domestic tasks that he will do without asking (ie. cook supper). There are others that he would never, ever think to do on his own and would probably never get done if I didn't do them (ie. clean the bathroom or dust). Similarly, I've crossed the lines too: I've cut our 1 acre of grass with the push mower and shoveled our driveways of the mountains of snow (lol. UGH) when his work has been busy and he didn't have time for that. There are things I will do without needing to be asked (ie cut grass) and other things that would NEVER get done if he didn't do them (ie check oil on car).

As for the kiddies--well, I frequently flip flop on whether I'm doing the right thing as far as they are concerned. They are both expected to make their beds and put away their clean laundry once per week and keep their room clean. That's always been a given. My little ladies are 6 and 9 years old.

In terms of having the kids share the domestic duties with me and DH, I've tried a number of different things. I did try a chore list but it was too hard to remember because we did different chores on different days (ie take out recycling on Mondays, feed cat on Tuesdays etc). Frankly, I found that too hard to police. We also tried a fully volunteer system-- help mommy fold laundry; help mommy dust etc. The volunteer system didn't work either, really. There was always one kid who volunteered and one who wouldn't.

Right now we have alternating dish nights. I always wash; they take turns drying. And they are both responsible for cleaning up after the dog in the yard--which was a chore they chose instead of picking up the apples that fall from the apple tree. lol. Go figure. They'd rather pick up dog poop than the half rotten apples. *shrugs*

I worry about whether or not I'm asking them to do too much or not enough. I don't want to be sergeant mommy running the labour camp for children; at the same time, I think they learn valuable life skills and family cooperation by doing these things too. Every once in awhile they slack off a bit and they get the special chat--which is basically "we do things for you and you do things for us; that's how families work." We don't tie chores to their allowance though--for the same reason that others have mentioned--I don't get paid to clean the toilet so neither will you! I don't know if I'm "doing it right" or not. I guess the real test will be when they are teenagers. lol.

[snuffaluffagus]

While I do most of the house cleaning, dh will always lend a hand when asked. I'm most often perfectly fine with that as he's the one who always runs around driving our sons all over the place (friend's homes, work, school, etc.) and does most of the outdoors work like mowing the lawn (he claims it's still tiring even though he has a ride on, lol) and removing the snow off the driveway. He also does the majority of the cooking and wakes me up gently with a back rub and a coffee so I really have no right to complain, lol.

My boys normally don't volunteer to do housework (other than take the garbage and recycling bins out) but they almost always lend a hand when asked. One works an average of 60 hrs per week so I don't like to ask too much of him other than keep his room tidy and maybe get a load of laundry done every now and then. My teen is still in high school and works the entire weekend so we just expect him to keep his room tidyish (tidy for a 15 year old is still pretty messy for me, lol, but it'll have to do ). He does empty the dishwasher daily without being asked (most of the time) and has recently started helping with cooking and baking.

I think what works for us is we really enjoy spending time together as a family (I live with quite the comedians) so even housework can be fun in our home when we do some of it together. We just keep it short and sweet so cleaning house never becomes a drag for our boys.

[snuffaluffagus]

I guess the real test will be when they are teenagers. lol.

Oh no, nothing counts when they're teenagers, lol. The real test is when they move out on their own and have their own families and they call you apologizing belatedly for not helping out more when they were living at home .

[Speckled28]

Mothers out there.......PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make your sons do household things!!! The last guy I dated (and had dated for several years) is now 28.....and while I still love his mother to death.....she does EVERYTHING for him. She goes into his room, gets his laundry, washes, dries, folds/irons and puts it away. She picks up in his room and has to tell him to do anything and everything 500 times......after which he always did what he wanted anyway. He'd never cook anything for himself....if she was away he would order take out..........he never lifted a finger to clean....anything....not even his own room. It drove me insane! LOL He would regularly scoff at me for being unemployed (thanks to our great economy) because he works...yadda yadda yadda.......which was true.....but outside of work he barely existed as a person outside of his mother! LOL

[marstec]

Mothers out there.......PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make your sons do household things!!! The last guy I dated (and had dated for several years) is now 28.....and while I still love his mother to death.....she does EVERYTHING for him. She goes into his room, gets his laundry, washes, dries, folds/irons and puts it away. She picks up in his room and has to tell him to do anything and everything 500 times......after which he always did what he wanted anyway. He'd never cook anything for himself....if she was away he would order take out..........he never lifted a finger to clean....anything....not even his own room. It drove me insane! LOL He would regularly scoff at me for being unemployed (thanks to our great economy) because he works...yadda yadda yadda.......which was true.....but outside of work he barely existed as a person outside of his mother! LOL

I agree with you in theory, but I will broaden it to include ladies too. I prepare all the food. My children do not do anything that requires much effort, ie peeling an apple or washing fruit etc. They would rather do without than to have to put forth the effort. My one son's idea of getting something to eat is to pour himself a gallon of Goldfish crackers. My 18 year old daughter thinks she knows how to cook because she makes packaged macaroni and cheese. I swear, if there were a world catastrophe and children had to scramble for existence, mine would be the first casualties. Not only do they not know how to prepare food, they are picky beyond belief. Talk about first world problems, having a mother that tries to force vegetables on them!