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Thread: Ever feel like you will be alone forever?

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    CaLoonie couponcat's Avatar
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    Just wondering if anyone has felt this way. I honestly have not been on SC for awhile due to "personal stuff". I still do come here to lurk though...can't stay away

    Anyways I have been in a rut where I think I will never be able to meet a nice guy and get married blah blah and die alone. I'm not in my 20's anymore and feel like all my friends around me are getting engaged, starting families etc. They tell me that "it will happen when you least expect it" but they are already married so I feel like they just say that to make me feel better.

    Trust me, I've done the go out to meet people etc.. but it never works out. I feel like the Universe just doesn't want me to be happy or something. I am trying to stay positive but It's already been years that I have been feeling like this and feel my patience is running out.

    Anyone else? Sorry for the depressing post.
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    Since I view myself as an independent single person, I am always happy.
    Making your own personal happiness dependent on another person is a path to misery, in my opinion.
    I wish you well.
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    I heart DH and DS francine1985's Avatar
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    i did the whole go out thing for a while. never met anyone worth keeping in my life long term. one day my old boss (I worked at a convenience store till it closed down) referred me to a call center where he was working and i got the job. I met my dh there since he was in the same training class. i was just expecting a job with benefits and a really good pay and i ended up meeting dh. now a few years later and we have a 3 year old ds and another ds due to be born in June. it really does happen when and where you least expect it.

    in my opinion it is better to be happy single than to be with the wrong person just to be in a relationship. plus this gives you a better opportunity and be open to meet a great person.

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    The ONLY Diva of SC! saveadollardiva's Avatar
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    I felt like that alot of the times before I met my husband. I hate to say it but it is true, you will meet someone when your really not looking. But I also agree with what others have said, it is better to be happy single then to be in a relationship with someone and your unhappy. It will happen, just don't rush into things. I know how you feel, people getting married, having babies etc, but those are their lives and different people live different lives. Just because your not married yet and don't have kids doesn't mean it is not going to happen for you. It will, but when it is suppose to
    Last edited by saveadollardiva; Mon, Apr 23rd, 2012 at 01:32 PM.
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    Smart Canuck GeorgiaK's Avatar
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    I met my dh when I was 32 and we married at 35. I used to feel the same way you do. What I did was to focus on improving myself and living a full satisfying life on my own. When I did that, everything else just fell into place.

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    Yeah. I agree with everyone else. I'm in my 30s and still single. I have no idea if I'll ever get married. But it's not something I focus on a whole lot. There are so many other things to focus on that do make me happy. When I talk to my friends who are married, they are no more or less happy than I am. They just have a whole different set of problems that I feel kind of glad I don't have to deal with.

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    The ONLY Diva of SC! saveadollardiva's Avatar
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    When your married it is a totally different life style. Your not just in charge of yourself anymore your incharge of many other things. For me, I am in charge of cleaning, cooking, laundry, house hold duties and I know when we have kids of course I will be the one home with them etc (DH helps out alot but I don't trust him with cleaning lol) And of course you have to be there for someone all the time, emotionally & physically, which if some people are not ready for can be scarey and emotionally draining. Marriage is a BIG thing. Many people are in love with being in love or the idea of being married. Many do not understand what marriage is, that is why there are so many that don't work out. You also have to give and take, sometimes you win at what you want and sometimes you have to give in so your partner is happy. I love my life, and would not trade it for the world. My DH is the most amazing man in the world and is their for me 110% and always put me or us first and does everything he can to make sure I have a great life, just like how I do the same for him.
    Last edited by saveadollardiva; Mon, Apr 23rd, 2012 at 01:44 PM.


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    Mastermind Natalka's Avatar
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    Well, the above posters have said much the same as I would have.

    Living your life the best way you can now - and that which can have you be happy and optimistic - will serve you the best now. Like attracts like - so if you are dealing with yourself and your life well, you have all the more chances to live better (happier, with family and friends, work, etc., not just for dating).

    Do things to develop yourself, to enrich your life - take classes, do volunteer work, help out in the community, etc. - just expands your circle so much more.
    Take every opportunity to go places - go to weddings, anniversaries, etc. of family and friends. My oldest sister met her husband at a wedding of the son of my parents' friends - and he was from two provinces away - and they got married a few years later.
    Another of my sisters ended up marrying a guy who was in the same apartment building as her - they used to just say hi whenever they saw one another, and one day he commented on her car....
    As for me, I met my husband at church - he was in the city visiting his brother!

    I'm including a link here that was running a long time in the Tea Room, on how people met their spouses - you might want to read it for inspiration (or ignore it, lol!).

    http://forum.smartcanucks.ca/111794-...ed-one-canada/

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    Contradiction in progress sweet sparrow's Avatar
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    When I was single, I thought it was fabulous. No one else's debt to pay, no one questioning my expenses, no children to be responsible for, no one to check with to see if my Saturday was free. Life was great and I absolutely *loved* it. Even though I always envisioned being married to my soulmate, I knew I'd be perfectly fine if I was single for the rest of my life.

    There happened to be three people that showed interest in me around that time (one of whom was DH) and I was actually reluctant to give up my single girl status! It's those friends, family members, hobbies, interests that you cultivate when you're single that bring so much richness to a relationship.

    Enjoy your time now and being able to do whatever you want, with a full night's sleep, and only being responsible for yourself. I had a lot of married friends that told me they wished they were me and would trade places with me any day. Right now, a lot of single people tell me they'd trade places with me because they think it's my marriage that makes me happy. Of course, they also go the route of TMI and tell me they think my DH is hot... (I can never tell him because I think his head would swell up.)

    So, I guess the bottom line is, find what makes you happy. Live it up!!

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    Contradiction in progress sweet sparrow's Avatar
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    Oh, I forgot to mention that most people feel that way at some point in their lives. Don't put too much pressure on yourself because you need to have certain things checked off your list before a certain age. Age really is just a number! (So is weight, by the way, and that's why I have never owned a scale!)

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    CaLoonie couponcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweet sparrow View Post
    Oh, I forgot to mention that most people feel that way at some point in their lives. Don't put too much pressure on yourself because you need to have certain things checked off your list before a certain age. Age really is just a number! (So is weight, by the way, and that's why I have never owned a scale!)
    Thanks...I'm trying my best to stay optimistic and positive.
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    awww hugs couponcat makes you feel better I am 38 and alone lol NEVER been married do have the two kids but it can be depressing at times. I know as one person says you have to make your own happiness but your mind can slip there. For me it is the what if's my kids were 2 and 1 month old whe I had enough of my fiance. I miss getting married, miss raising my kids with someone blah blah....moving forward now the kds are almost grown I tend to let my mind wander of what I am going to do when their gone. I think I will try being the crazy old cat lady rocking on my front porch scaring little children away lol
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    Smart Canuck Minou's Avatar
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    I'm sorry that you're feeling frustrated and down about this. I think everyone feels the same way at some point!

    I think a person needs to make a really concerted effort to meet someone if that's what they want. Singles groups, gym, online dating, setups by friends, matchmaking, etc. Take it as seriously as you'd take trying to get a great job. Sure, some people luck into jobs, but most people really have to work at it. I think finding someone great can be the same. There are enough people you meet through these focused activities who aren't for you that it makes you realize how many people you'd need to "accidentally" meet out there in the world in order to find someone you'd be interested in. At least in these situations, people know you're looking. If you're in your thirties, men may assume that you're already taken -- it's not the same as when you're in your early twenties.
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    Clearance Junkie Ami1984's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone it will happen when least expected, I was there a little over 2 years ago, I thought there was no one for me, and I was at work chatting to one of my mother's friends and she said hey can I give one of my co-workers your number, took alot of convincing but we have been together since our first date. The moment I decided to give up, that is when it happened. No one dies alone only if they want to, there is without a doubt someone out there for you I know it is hard but stay positive
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    CaNewbie
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    Everyone wants what they cant have, be happy and good things will come to you!

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