Heavy perfume

[Decaf]

^ What I meant is that the flight attendant should have asked the perfume drenched lady to move to the back because she’s the one who bothered a lot of people sitting around her but most people are too polite to say anthing / cause a stir. I would not have spoken to that lady directly simply because she’s an inconsiderate person to begin with so I know I would just be wasting my breath on her. As for using smoking as a comparison, I think this is worse than smoke but that’s just me. If smoking is not allowed then so is heavy perfume. And no I wouldn’t tell anyone to stop smoking outside in open air, they have the right to do so outside where the smoke /toxic level are not so concentrated, I may dislike it covered my nose, hold my breath and move far away from the source but in enclosed s pace, I don’t have that option.

[Darth Penguin]

How do you know the other woman bothered a lot of people???

No-one else spoke up or supported you...IF she was that offensive then politeness aside, some-one should have agreed with you...I know both Mr P and I would have chimed in..we have no shame...

[KrazE]

One of the problems with strong scented perfumes/colognes in the work place is employers not enforcing scent-free policies when they have put them in place.

It only took sending a handful of employees home over a period of a couple of months (one time per 'offender') to get the issue dealt with quickly as there were several other employees who were highly allergic. When in a confined space, it's even more difficult for those that have allergies, so enforcing the policy is the only way IMO.

In public places, there really isn't anything you can do about it, and unless airlines, buses etc bring in a scent-free policy (which will never happen), you have to expect and prepare for the fact that there is going to be at least one offender.

[screamy]

The fact is that for many people it's not just a matter of distaste or esthetics,it's a serious health issue.Think of people with asthma-should they suck it up?A severe allergic reaction is the same thing,you know.
If some one was grabbing you by the throat and squeezing until you got dizzy,everyone around would understand your being upset,but bizzarely enough if you get the same reaction from certain scents you're in the wrong somehow if you mention it.
I'm really pleased to see threads like this that raise awareness and provide a neutral ground to exchange viewpoints and experiences,it's an emotionally charged subject that is a growing issue.

I will say that I can see both sides of the argument with "if you have the problem, you should move" in the sense that a lot of the time it's easier to make your own solution to someone else causing a problem by avoidance, where possible. But the fact remains that it's just not always possible, never mind practical, to do so.

I think a lot of it is because it's a non-visible disability. I'm sure that perfume-lady wouldn't have hesitated to help TG if she were in a wheelchair by holding a non-powered door for her; in that case, it's obvious to people that the person with the problem might need a hand (and might well be perfectly capable on her own, too - I'm not arguing otherwise) and generally, I think people are polite enough to help, or at least not be an a**hole.

However, I myself have a hearing disability that is literally entirely contained in my own head. No one can tell that I have it unless I tell them, but hyperacusis, a sensitivity to noise, can be agonizing. Even people having conversations at completely normal sound levels (to them) can be like someone screaming through a megaphone right into my ears, to me. It's also, to make things more complicated, subjective - so person A at shouting volume may not bug me much, but person B talking in a normal volume may make me want to strangle them just to shut them up (no kidding - it stimulates the fight-or-flight response; I am irritable a LOT because of it, even though rationally, I know no one's doing it to piss me off).

People who can relate to the pain, like migraine sufferers and anyone who has had chronic sharp stabbing pains, like with sciatica, are immediately sympathetic and usually go out of their way to accommodate me. The ones who can't relate, at least at my office, say "But we're not being loud!"; if they don't comply after I've asked politely twice, I just give up and get HR involved. It's exhausting having to explain myself all the time and feeling like a world-class b**ch for standing up for myself over something that is such a basic need for me, but I don't have a choice until there's a cure someday. I expect it's much the same for people with scent allergies.

[torontogal12]

I hardly think it is "daring" to ask someone not to do something that can stop others from breathing. Which is what that perfume was doing to me. I was wheezing.

I don't have the right to ask to be able to breathe? You bet I will do everything I can to make sure I'm breathing. Did you read what happened to Marstec who needed an inhaler? That she needs an inhaler so someone else can do something that isn't really necessary on a plane? Or XxTiggerxX who gets itchy eyes has trouble breathing, and a headache? Is it right that they suffer so someone else can smell good? I don't see why me speaking to her about perfumes is out of line. If people just keep their mouth shut and don't educate her, she'll keep doing it.There's nothing wrong with educating someone on the severity of allergies. That's what people like Anaphylaxis Canada do every day

Asking someone not to wear perfume on a flight is no different from asking them not to wear perfume at a workplace and you wouldn't question that right?

So you did not like the perfume she was wearing and you got upset that they moved you? Why should she move if you are the one with the issue?

I am not trying to be mean, but this is an issue that really aggravates me

While I do understand that some scents are truly too much, because believe me I have come across some that just assault my senses, I would NEVER dare to tell someone not to wear perfume on a international flight.

[torontogal12]

Sorry that happened to you. No one should be forced to use an inhaler in an enclosed space you can't escape

I can totally understand torontogal's frustration about that person on her flight. I had a similar experience a couple of years ago. This family sat right behind us; the woman was one huge cloud of overwhelming perfume and the guy smelled horribly of BO - maybe that's why she wore so much. Anyway, I could hardly breathe, and had to use my inhaler. I was with my family, so it wasn't an option to move. Thanks goodness it was only for one hour, I don't know if I could have handled any more. I spent the whole time fanning myself with a magazine to get some air movement. The flight attendant came around and asked if I was too warm...I just told him that it was the stench behind me that was causing the problem. I never did confront her about it, not much she could have done anyway (and I know she wouldn't have cared).

[torontogal12]

Well said

No-one should have to say anything,it should be policy,just like doctors offices,etc.It's a sad reflection on todays chemical saturated world,but scents are becoming a huge issue.
What I understood from her post was that she had to be moved because she was having an allergic reaction and couldn't breathe.It must have been horrible to be trapped on a plane and unable to get any fresh air.
I myself have horrible scent reactions,and recently had a (suprise!)heart attack-but I didn't go to the hospital until the next day.Why?Because the chest pain felt like an just another allergic reaction-and I've had the same pain at work from perfumes many times.
The fact is that for many people it's not just a matter of distaste or esthetics,it's a serious health issue.Think of people with asthma-should they suck it up?A severe allergic reaction is the same thing,you know.
If some one was grabbing you by the throat and squeezing until you got dizzy,everyone around would understand your being upset,but bizzarely enough if you get the same reaction from certain scents you're in the wrong somehow if you mention it.
I'm really pleased to see threads like this that raise awareness and provide a neutral ground to exchange viewpoints and experiences,it's an emotionally charged subject that is a growing issue.

[torontogal12]

It is not a question of "like or dislike." For some people it is a question of life or death. The perfume drenched lady is essentially bullying people with allergies and she doesn't even know she is doing it! She is preventing them from breathing and slowly choking them.

So it's RUDE to educate people now? I was nothing but polite to this lady. So having an intelligent conversation about an important health issue is now seen as rude when I'm just trying to explain things to others? Society is never going to change.

My whole life I've dealt with people who think I'm making up my allergies or that they aren't a big deal. They are a huge deal. People can die from allergies. That's why there's Epipens.

And how is informing someone on a flight about wearing perfumes even close to asking someone smoking outdoors to stop? One is outside, one is an enclosed space.Smoking is banned on planes and has been for 20 or so years. There's a reason for that. Enclosed spaces. Some airlines (like Porter) don't serve peanuts because they understand that some people can die from being in the same room with them.So the airlines don't put that trigger into their enclosed space

Canadians are so worried about being polite that they never complain and most of the time they suffer in silence. People can't fix a problem if they don't know there is a problem. Most of the time people are unaware that what they are doing can affect someone so you need to point it out

Yes. I'm sorry but why the bullying tactic against this "perfume drenched lady"? I'm of the notion that if YOU are the one with the problem, then YOU should move. Seriously, there are things we may not like but there are boundaries. Confronting the person yourself is just downright RUDE. Bring it to the attention of the flight attendant...if they can't move you, they might just move her. Would you like me to start telling people to quit smoking outside restaurants/bars, shopping mall entrances and train stations cos I'm allergic to cigarette smoke and have to breathe the filth when I walk past them??? How is heavy perfume any different?

[Koolaid]

I'm allergic to perfumes so less is more in my books. But here's the question....why to the perfume soakers always have to sit right beside me at church.....

[erin9mmm]

Yes. I'm sorry but why the bullying tactic against this "perfume drenched lady"? I'm of the notion that if YOU are the one with the problem, then YOU should move. Seriously, there are things we may not like but there are boundaries. Confronting the person yourself is just downright RUDE. Bring it to the attention of the flight attendant...if they can't move you, they might just move her. Would you like me to start telling people to quit smoking outside restaurants/bars, shopping mall entrances and train stations cos I'm allergic to cigarette smoke and have to breathe the filth when I walk past them??? How is heavy perfume any different?

That's how I see it too (and I am also allergic to strong scents). The best way to handle that situation would have been to go to the flight attendant (that's their job). It's not like the woman was intentionally trying to make people uncomfortable and by confronting her personally it probably hurt her feelings and embarrassed her.

[gourmetsue]

Couldn't agree more KrazE. Drives me crazy. I am sure that people "layer" their scents and forget that some of us can't breathe properly in fresh air let alone air loaded with a heavy chemical scent. I want to tell people sometimes that I have to pay $200 a month (in inhalers) just to be able to breathe! grrr

[torontogal12]

A flight attendant would have probably said something like "your perfume is 'bothering' someone." Bothering and giving health problems are two different things. She would likely not have explained to this woman just how bad it can be.

There was no "confrontation" with her. I was very polite to her and she didn't seem to have a problem with me mentioning it so why do so many people on this thread have a problem with it? It was her husband who went whacko. The couple sitting next to me was sitting with their noses covered for pretty much the whole flight and said they were glad I said something

And again, this woman did not know she was making people uncomfortable. Which is why I explained to her that some people are allergic to perfumes. I don't understand why so many people on this thread think it is so important to save this woman from embarassment when others are suffering. She can't fix it next time if she doesn't know there is a problem right? She could go on dozens and dozens of flights and never know someone next to her could be having trouble. If me speaking up now prevents someone else from suffering later, I'm going to do it

Wouldn't you stand up to a bully? Because it's not right that they are doing something to hurt you. So if someone is wearing perfumes in a tight space (that can hurt people) why is it bad to say so

That's how I see it too (and I am also allergic to strong scents). The best way to handle that situation would have been to go to the flight attendant (that's their job). It's not like the woman was intentionally trying to make people uncomfortable and by confronting her personally it probably hurt her feelings and embarrassed her.

[lessthannat]

You are right, Canadians are too concerned about being polite without saying anything.

to the workplace comment, my workplace is not a 'scent' free zone - and if I had to go to work and smell other peoples BO I would simply quit and find another job more to my liking. Nobody can tell me what kind of soap, deodorant I can use on my body. I am sorry if this sounds ignorant to you, but unless my company is footing the bill for these magical products I am going to damn well use what I please.

Again, you are the one that had the problem with the lady, you should have just moved, her husband had every right to be upset and if I was in the same situation, I would not have been rude but I would have felt as though you had insulted me. You should have just asked to be moved to a more 'scent-free' area. The couple behind you might have felt it was unpleasant but it doesn't sound like they were allergic

To me it looks like you are being the bully with the way you approached this woman. IMHO. You basically told her she stinks and THAT is insulting, no matter how you slice it or how pleasantly you say it to her

[erin9mmm]

There was no "confrontation" with her. I was very polite to her and she didn't seem to have a problem with me mentioning it so why do so many people on this thread have a problem with it? It was her husband who went whacko. The couple sitting next to me was sitting with their noses covered for pretty much the whole flight and said they were glad I said something

Well that's good. Maybe I'm wrong but seeing that the husband felt the need to defend his wife I guess I saw it differently.

And again, this woman did not know she was making people uncomfortable. Which is why I explained to her that some people are allergic to perfumes.....
Wouldn't you stand up to a bully? Because it's not right that they are doing something to hurt you. So if someone is wearing perfumes in a tight space (that can hurt people) why is it bad to say so

If she didn't know she was making people uncomfortable I don't think I would consider her a bully. Inconsiderate perhaps, but a bully, no.

[torontogal12]

I am not saying she is a bully. I am saying if something is wrong, people should speak up.

Well that's good. Maybe I'm wrong but seeing that the husband felt the need to defend his wife I guess I saw it differently.


If she didn't know she was making people uncomfortable I don't think I would consider her a bully. Inconsiderate perhaps, but a bully, no.