Totally shocked!

[Shwa Girl]

If you were a brand new contributor to SC, I would think this thread is a prank. The woman is a nutburger who, if I read this correctly, pretty much encourages her children in their deliberate vandalism. I think Snuffalufagus has the best idea....no response other than the return of the cheque.

And vandalism, if caught, results in imprisonment. Wonder if this is the outcome that the parent wants for her children?

[Shwa Girl]

I looked shocked as their mother smiled and said that kids will be kids.

Kids will be kids?! Those 4 words bother me a lot. Next will it be gangsters will be gangsters or murderers will be murderers?!?

Disgraceful!

[sarah_cio]

I say cash the cheque and donate the money to an organization that helps victims of crime (make sure you get a tax receipt). If they were gifts she gave you then don't send them back. If you have borrowed anything then just return it via mail. Delete her number and be happy the friendship is over!

[Natalka]

Just before Christmas I was excited to be inviting one of my best friends over to visit. She has three children - twin 6 year olds, and their older brother is 9. They knocked on the door and were all laughing and smiling when they walked in. I couldn't help but ask what had them in such good moods. The 9 year old said that they had just done a prank at the mall. Their mother smiled and laughingly said that they just loved their pranks. One of the twins was laughing so hard that tears were running down his face. After they had taken off their coats and boots I asked what the prank was. I was told that they had just banged their car door into someone else's car in the parking lot at the mall. They laughed and said that they should know better than to park at the back of the parking lot. One of the twins said that the cars at the back of the lot are just asking to be banged into.

I looked shocked as their mother smiled and said that kids will be kids. Once the kids went downstairs to watch a movie I asked my friend about it. She just shrugged her shoulders and said, well it was a BMW, so they can afford it. She didn't even leave a note! I said that she banged their door and left a dent, so shouldn't she take responsibility for it. She just said again that if they own that type of car then they can afford it. I mentioned my dream to own a Porsche. For me to own this car will take years of savings. It's not something that I can just afford to do without saving and effort. If someone dinged it I wouldn't necessarily be able to afford to fix it. I'd be furious. She just said that I should just expect it to happen, and welcome to the real world. I said that she's teaching her kids poor habits and that they'll end up thinking they can break or smash anything without consequences.

Now onto the most shocking aspect of the story. I just went out to get the mail. In the box was a card from my friend. In it she states that we can no longer be friends. If I can't respect her parenting strategies then we shouldn't be friends anymore. She has asked me to send her all the things she ever gave me. The list includes things she gave me 20 years ago, including photos, birthday presents, etc. I can honestly say that I don't even own that Barbie doll anymore, nor do I own that pink t-shirt from when we were 10. She also states that she is much too busy to send me the things that I've given her, so instead she has included a cheque. The cheque is for $100. Not that it really matters how much the cheque is for, but $100?!?

I'm not even sure how I should respond to such a request.

OMG!

If I were you I wouldn't respond - at all.

[nessa23]

wow. I was not going to reply to this thread, but I agree with the other members that I would be HAPPY to not have a friend like that!! I would probably flip out after going through that conversation, so good for you for holding it together.

What REALLY gets me in her 'letter' is she said she didn't have enough time to mail you the items she received from you... so wait.... you have time to write me a letter and a cheque... but no time to mail those items??

There's something very wrong with this picture.

[wolfwoman]

run it thru the cross-shredder and then mail the bits back. Then be glad you are rid of a "friend" like that.

[tccl21]

You're better off without her, if that's the kind of person she is. Her kids will be in jail some day. I'd return the cheque, telling her that your friendship was worth more than that to you. Some suggestions for the money: Sent it to the poor b*stard who's car you dented, use it to send your kids to etiquette classes or maybe save it so you can some day bail your kids out of jail.

[Minou]

She's clearly someone who doesn't like to be told how inappropriate she's being, but maybe she was embarrassed to be called on it, was surprised that someone had a different opinion of the behaviour, and won't be doing it again? I can only hope.

It's also pretty clear that she's a jealous person who likes to upset people who have nice belongings. I assume you're fairly young (30 or so?), so if she was a friend of yours growing up, she must have had her children very young. That could mean that she might not be as well-off financially as you are right now? I can't imagine that someone with a newer, nicer vehicle herself would be allowing her children to slam her car's doors into other vehicles that she has sought out to victimize, as paint could chip off of her doors as well? Maybe she harbours some resentment toward you on account of lifestyle and finances, and is looking for an opportunity to "ding" you and force you to run around finding stuff and apologizing in order to make peace. Who remembers what they bought their friend when they were ten, and why would she want any of the stuff now? I'm guessing that she doesn't have much power in her life.

[bluzsuz]

I say cash the cheque and donate the money to an organization that helps victims of crime (make sure you get a tax receipt). If they were gifts she gave you then don't send them back. If you have borrowed anything then just return it via mail. Delete her number and be happy the friendship is over!

I would do something similar to this as well.... I would cash it - donate it to a kids charity and send her a note letting her know.

As for the 'stuff' she wants back - she can stuff it.

[CrazyQT]

Who asks for gifts back from 20 years ago? Consider this a blessing. Keep your stuff! Cash the cheque and put it towards your porsche fund and say good riddance to that nut job.

[Shwa Girl]

She's clearly someone who doesn't like to be told how inappropriate she's being, but maybe she was embarrassed to be called on it, was surprised that someone had a different opinion of the behaviour, and won't be doing it again? I can only hope.

It's also pretty clear that she's a jealous person who likes to upset people who have nice belongings. I assume you're fairly young (30 or so?), so if she was a friend of yours growing up, she must have had her children very young. That could mean that she might not be as well-off financially as you are right now? I can't imagine that someone with a newer, nicer vehicle herself would be allowing her children to slam her car's doors into other vehicles that she has sought out to victimize, as paint could chip off of her doors as well? Maybe she harbours some resentment toward you on account of lifestyle and finances, and is looking for an opportunity to "ding" you and force you to run around finding stuff and apologizing in order to make peace. Who remembers what they bought their friend when they were ten, and why would she want any of the stuff now? I'm guessing that she doesn't have much power in her life.

We don't have a BMW.
Our car is old and not worth much.
If someone dings it, it's not worth it going to the insurance company.

However, we treat our car like it is a BMW. So the lady that OP talked about is really, really rude.

[Kelly5]

I decided to take some time this afternoon and call some other friends and talk about this situation. Since this is the first time that my friend has ever exhibited this type of behaviour I decided to find out what else is going on. My group of friends was just as shocked as I was. I also talked to her parents that were also shocked. I'm not really ready to just give up on a friend that I've had for over 20 years because of this one situation. I also don't want to support this type of behaviour, and am not ready to support teaching children bad behaviour.

Her parents are intending to visit this evening to see what has been happening. If there is some sort of holiday stress, a bad fight in her marriage, or some sort of medical issue. I'm hoping there's something more going on in her life to support needing help rather than just assuming that she has suddenly become an awful person. The whole thing seems really strange to me and I want to give a good friend help.

To be honest, my first inclination was to just put all of it in the garbage, but upon further thought I've decided to give my friend the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully after her parents visit her there'll be more of an explanation for the surprising behaviour.

[Shwa Girl]

I decided to take some time this afternoon and call some other friends and talk about this situation. Since this is the first time that my friend has ever exhibited this type of behaviour I decided to find out what else is going on. My group of friends was just as shocked as I was. I also talked to her parents that were also shocked. I'm not really ready to just give up on a friend that I've had for over 20 years because of this one situation. I also don't want to support this type of behaviour, and am not ready to support teaching children bad behaviour.

Her parents are intending to visit this evening to see what has been happening. If there is some sort of holiday stress, a bad fight in her marriage, or some sort of medical issue. I'm hoping there's something more going on in her life to support needing help rather than just assuming that she has suddenly become an awful person. The whole thing seems really strange to me and I want to give a good friend help.

To be honest, my first inclination was to just put all of it in the garbage, but upon further thought I've decided to give my friend the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully after her parents visit her there'll be more of an explanation for the surprising behaviour.

I hope you will not be disappointed.
I hope it works out for you.

[i_forget]

Good luck.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisoc...ality_disorder

[lghend]

Edited as you answered above. Good for you for being an understanding friend.