I can't afford to even be invited to a wedding....

[Patty Smyth]

The whole "wedding for profit" business is beyond me.

[trishka]

I'm so tired of people expecting guests to pay for their weddings. A $200 a plate is just insane. It's no longer the 'rule' to give a gift that equals the plate amount mostly because it is difficult to tell how much it costs as the OP said. A very expensive looking wedding could've been done for a little amount of money and vice versa. I have a friend who is a florist. She did the flowers for a wedding that looked insanely expensive. Turns out the couple only spent like $50 per person on it. Granted they did a lot of stuff on their own.

Regardless, the point of a wedding should be to celebrate the union of two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. It shouldn't be about making money. People are so selfish and entitled these days. If you cannot attend because you cannot afford to (monetarily or time wise), then you should not be expected to give them a gift. Sending them a card thanking them for the invitation and expressing your well wishes should be enough. It would be enough for me. OP, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You shouldn't be made to feel this way. You should not be expected to send a gift that equals the amount the plate would have cost. You are not going to be there and provided you RSVP no in the time frame set out, it won't cost the bride and groom anything. They need to get over themselves. If you can afford to send a gift (of any amount) then you can if you so choose. It should not be expected. People should not be invited simply because they will give a gift. They should be invited because the bride and groom want them to be there. Maybe I'm just not normal but I would never even think that someone didn't support or approve of my marriage because they couldn't give me a gift. I wouldn't even expect a gift in the first place because that is not why I would've invited them. I'm not sure how close you are to the people getting married but honestly, it may be time to consider letting them go. They're obviously not great friends if they would treat you this way simply because you don't have money.

[nightgarden]

I agree....weddings are expensive! Especially when you are also invited to an engagement party and bridal shower. I especially HATE showers (even baby showers). That's because you are expected to give gifts. Not only that, the host open the gifts infront of EVERYONE, so those everyone can judge your "thoughtfulness" (or cheapness) of your gift. This is the reason why I didn't have any for my wedding or baby shower. Also....has anyone noticed that you are all of sudden bombarded to wedding invitations to acquaintances. THESE people are just out for MONEY. I refuse to go to those wedding....and bridal shower. Some even have the nerve to INVITE you to the bridal shower and NOT the wedding. Just pure greed. I refuse to go to any weddings/showers unless they are really close to me. When I got married, I told my friends I didn't want a shower. My MIL GOT mad. She was waiting for an invite and I said I wasn't having any. But she said that's how you make money. What?!?!?! No it's not BECAUSE that means I have to return that favour too!!! I got really pissed when my MIL threw me a baby shower. I didn't know any of the guests!!!!! (other than my 3 sister-in-law)....So yes...I got a bunch of gifts/money. But later on (still going on), I am INVITED to their showers and my MIL expects ME to attend (or else she will lose face) and she said I have to go because they gave me a gift and now I have to give one back. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?!?!?!?!?! So I go to these events NOT knowing anyone and giving my money. My husband gets away by having a few hours to himself and he's the one who knows these girls. Grrrr......

[Mamaelmo]

I'm getting married next summer the end of the summer, and I couldn't care less if anyone gave me a gift. To me its to celebrate the day with family and friends, I'm trying to do everything cheap as possible. So far we have photographer for $100(friend of mine that I know takes really good pics), our dj for the whole night $150(friend of his), and I'm refusing to pay more than $150 for my dress. Center pieces are less than $2 a piece. Food I'm just doing cold cuts and finger foods, who wants to eat a hot meal in the middle of summer. So I'm hoping this whole thing wont cost me more than 3k. I want cheap as I can get it and still have a good weeding.

[SavvyLady]

The whole "wedding for profit" business is beyond me.

I agree, have a wedding that you can afford, and don't expect your guests to pay for it..My nephew just got married in Jamaica, it was beautiful, he didn't want any bickering between the 2 families..he had the honeymoon, photos, cake he said it was amazing!! When they came back they had a backyard Party, for everyone!! My sister decorated the backyard it looked so elegant, white tents, candles!! That's how you do a wedding!! The money they saved went for a down payment on their brand new condo!!

[cheapNcheeky]

*drops mic*

Lol love this part hahahaha

[Angela273]

We got married 2yrs ago. All of our family and friends new that we did not need any stuff. We had purchased our home in Estevan while I was working on my university degree in Saskatoon. We ran two households during that time and then combined the necessary items when I finished my degree that spring. We were married that September long weekend. We had paid for our entire wedding ourselves. We did primarily receive cash and gift cards for our wedding. We did not create a gift registry or tell anyone to give us cash only.

The person who was the best man at our wedding is now getting married next summer. They are planning a small wedding. He recently asked my dh to be his best man. His fiance just asked me on the weekend to be one of her bridesmaids. We both accepted. I did point out to the bride that we will have to figure out someone who is attending their wedding who can help us with our LO since we will both be in the bridal party that day. Our LO will be just shy of 2yrs old at that time. I also let the bride know that I may be pregnant with our second child at their wedding. She really doesn't know what she wants just yet...plans on having things kind of low key, but I still thought it would be nice to give her a heads up. Only a few people have started to ask when we plan on having our second child.

[bargain_hunter_lola]

I agree, have a wedding that you can afford, and don't expect your guests to pay for it..My nephew just got married in Jamaica, it was beautiful, he didn't want any bickering between the 2 families..he had the honeymoon, photos, cake he said it was amazing!! When they came back they had a backyard Party, for everyone!! My sister decorated the backyard it looked so elegant, white tents, candles!! That's how you do a wedding!! The money they saved went for a down payment on their brand new condo!!

We got married in the carribean also. It was simply beautiful. I wanted a very small intimate wedding - we ended up with 25 guests (more than I expected) but we got to spend the entire week with them celebrating. It was a great way for the families to get to know each other.

About a month after we held an informal reception for everyone who couldn't attend the actual wedding. We wore our wedding attire and had photo albums of the wedding. We requested no gifts, it was just a celebration.

Total for both (destination wedding and local reception) was maybe $5000.

We're going to a wedding in a couple weeks and its costing us about $2000 (24 hour drive, remote area, car rental, hotels, food,etc). Plus we're expected to bring a gift. I also helped host the shower and bought a gift for that too.

For most weddings I generally give a gift between $50-$100. If we don't attend (for whatever reason) I don't send a gift. I do usually tuck in a little note card saying congrats and why we can't attend with the return card.

For the vast majority of weddings we've been to we've never been thanked for the gift , in a few instances they didn't even know what we got them! I remember being in DH's cousins house a few years after their wedding and seeing the expensive frame I bought them. As I was looking at it, she actually commented on how it was a wedding present from someone! WTH? I didn't know what to say! Later I politely said that I was glad they liked the frame I choose and she commented that she didn't even realize I was at their wedding.

[pawkeys]

Hi,

I would simply put in a small gift and say, "I really would have liked to give you more but I am struggling with money right now." If they don't understand, then they are not worthy of being your friend.

[kris10]

i always thought gifts were what the bridal shower was for. If they are that money hungry they should of thrown one.

Also If you want a big wedding then be prepared to pay for it ! I mean I'd love a big wedding (who wouldn't?) but logically my mind tells me it's a waste of money,lol. Unless I was rich of course!

[CanadianCouponCollector]

i always thought gifts were what the bridal shower was for. If they are that money hungry they should of thrown one.

Oh, they did. I attended, and discovered that most of her family had a ton of money, apparently. Or a pile of debt. One gift was a luggage set for their honeymoon, another was a gift certificate for a spa day or something or other in Paris (their honeymoon location), another was a $500 cheque. I gave a gift certificate for La Senza, and no one but the bride knew how much it was (until after the shower, I'm sure). There were two of us who were really out of place, there. Perhaps having two showers would have been a better idea? Is it wrong to have two showers if you invite two different sets of guests?

[saveadollardiva]

I understand what everyone means about weddings costing alot of money and it is alot of money to attend a wedding. Even having a small wedding is still alot of money if you want a wedding that is somewhat decent. Also just not the gift to give is alot, but to go and get your hair done, if you have to buy a dress for the event, shoes other things etc. BUT, I feel it is a choice to attend or not. I seriously feel because weddings do cost alot for the bride and groom, that, as a guest you should pay your plate at least. Prices for food is crazy, anywhere between $120-$250 plus for food at a venue for a wedding in a hall. If you want to go to a wedding, prepare to pay your plate or to give a gift to the same equal vaule. Like it is rude not too. Sorry to me it is. But, if your not attending, and your still sending a gift, of course you don't have to give that full amount if your not there. I would give half of that or give a gift half that amount.

I am european, so, mostly at weddings you give money, but, I think getting a gift is great too. Also, it shouldn't matter if one set of parents has alot of money or not. It might be the bride and groom paying for everything. Not all parents help even if they have the money to. Just my thoughts

[trishka]

For the vast majority of weddings we've been to we've never been thanked for the gift , in a few instances they didn't even know what we got them! I remember being in DH's cousins house a few years after their wedding and seeing the expensive frame I bought them. As I was looking at it, she actually commented on how it was a wedding present from someone! WTH? I didn't know what to say! Later I politely said that I was glad they liked the frame I choose and she commented that she didn't even realize I was at their wedding.

Ouch. I realise there are often a lot of people at a wedding but presumably they know who is there.

[CanadianCouponCollector]

I understand what everyone means about weddings costing alot of money and it is alot of money to attend a wedding. Even having a small wedding is still alot of money if you want a wedding that is somewhat decent. Also just not the gift to give is alot, but to go and get your hair done, if you have to buy a dress for the event, shoes other things etc. BUT, I feel it is a choice to attend or not. I seriously feel because weddings do cost alot for the bride and groom, that, as a guest you should pay your plate at least. Prices for food is crazy, anywhere between $120-$250 plus for food at a venue for a wedding in a hall. If you want to go to a wedding, prepare to pay your plate or to give a gift to the same equal vaule. Like it is rude not too. Sorry to me it is. But, if your not attending, and your still sending a gift, of course you don't have to give that full amount if your not there. I would give half of that or give a gift half that amount.

I am european, so, mostly at weddings you give money, but, I think getting a gift is great too. Also, it shouldn't matter if one set of parents has alot of money or not. It might be the bride and groom paying for everything. Not all parents help even if they have the money to. Just my thoughts

"somewhat decent" I don't think you have to spend a lot of money (or any!) for a wedding that is "somewhat decent". Besides, decency means something different to everyone. The couple should be holding a wedding that they are happy with, not based on what others think will be "decent".

"Cost a lot" and "guest".... cars cost a lot as well, but if I invite a friend to go for a drive, I wouldn't turn around and expect them to pay for the gas/wear and tear. I invited them. It was my choice to pay $X for the car. Not theirs.

[trishka]

I understand what everyone means about weddings costing alot of money and it is alot of money to attend a wedding. Even having a small wedding is still alot of money if you want a wedding that is somewhat decent. Also just not the gift to give is alot, but to go and get your hair done, if you have to buy a dress for the event, shoes other things etc. BUT, I feel it is a choice to attend or not. I seriously feel because weddings do cost alot for the bride and groom, that, as a guest you should pay your plate at least. Prices for food is crazy, anywhere between $120-$250 plus for food at a venue for a wedding in a hall. If you want to go to a wedding, prepare to pay your plate or to give a gift to the same equal vaule. Like it is rude not too. Sorry to me it is. But, if your not attending, and your still sending a gift, of course you don't have to give that full amount if your not there. I would give half of that or give a gift half that amount.

I am european, so, mostly at weddings you give money, but, I think getting a gift is great too. Also, it shouldn't matter if one set of parents has alot of money or not. It might be the bride and groom paying for everything. Not all parents help even if they have the money to. Just my thoughts

I understand your point but it is also the bride and grooms choice to have an expensive wedding. As many other people have commented, they chose to have inexpensive weddings and there are numerous ways to have a wedding on a budget. I shouldn't have to pay for someone to have a party. I wouldn't expect people to pay for their food/drinks etc. if I were hosting a party at my house or a picnic or whatever. I invited them and I would fully expect to pay for having them over. If I couldn't afford to do it, I wouldn't do it.

That being said, I think the main issue is not that people don't want to pay for gifts or a portion of their plate. I think it's the expectation that irks us. At least that is what irks me.