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Thread: Family fed my baby junk food!!!

  1. #31
    no more door to door! :) walkonby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveP View Post
    Oh dear lord people overstress about things. Unless your child has an actual allergy who cares if a relative gave him a french fry? I swear, helicopter parents will be raising a genertion of emotionally and socially crippled kids. Jeez.
    it can be a fine line can't it @DaveP ? I think ONE french fry is not the issue at all, nor is it the child having or not having a food allergy, it is about RESPECT. The respect that others ( including relatives ) should adhere to when you have stated what you prefer your child to be exposed to and at what age they are exposed to it.

    I do not agree that parents wanting to provide healthy nutritional foods for their offspring in their formative years and then taking the necessary steps to ensure that happens makes them helicopter parents. To then jump to the conclusion that those kids will be emotionally and socially crippled is a sad stretch.
    The attitude some families ( Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents ) can have about " well we ate this when we were young and we turned out just fine " can be misleading because foods now are not the same as they once were.
    Just my 2 pennies worth.
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    While I agree, there is a level of respect that goes along with it... there's also a case of admitting, as a parent, that you aren't able to control every aspect of your child's life, especially when you aren't around. And that IS A GOOD THING. Children (even babies) start learning as soon as they open their eyes. It's an instinct for that life-form to learn how to survive by observing its surroundings and learn from it. Kids need to know that their parents arent ALWAYS going to be there for them, and they need to learn how to deal with that.

    Saying that the aunts/uncles/cousins should have asked you first is projecting blame. If you dont trust the judgement of those family members, then don't leave your kids with them. If you are the type to get worked up over it, don't blame them.

    However, I think DaveP's point was that this situation might be a matter of over-parenting here... and what that sort of parenting might lead to.

    I am in my 40s... I was raised with a fair amount of leniancy at least by today's standards. Dont get me wrong, I knew what discipline and parenting was... but I wasnt sheltered.

    Now, we recently took on an employee who is in his late 20s who by even his admission, was parented in this sheltered way. He doesnt complain about it, but he admits he wasnt allowed nor encouraged to do certain things growing up. He doesnt complain, because to him, he knows no other way.

    So, since this discussion began regarding food and diet... I'll start in with that:
    His exact words when he's invited when we go out to lunch someplace different, new, or exotic is "I don't like that food." -- So we ask "Have you ever tried it?" -- "No, but it's not what I usually eat and I dont like trying anything new". This from a 27 year old.

    But it's not surprising. He admits to us that he only ever eats the foods his parents eat -- and always did. He doesnt ever try anything new. This guy STILL lives at home with his parents and has no desire to move out. Nor do they have any desire to encourage him to, all in an effort to "protect" their child.

    In the odd chance he DOES come along with us at lunch and does try some new food, he's often surprised how much he DOES like it. But he still doesn't aspire to go somewhere new on his own. While myself (and the rest of us) are more the type to try something new as soon as it arrives.

    And in these cases, it has nothing to do with him having some sort of pragmatic reason for his choices (health, nutrition, past-experience, allergy...) He's more than willing to eat at Burger King or down a few slices of pizza and he has no food allergies.

    It's all because his parents were over-protective (and I would say still are). He has been told from day-1 what to do/not do, where to do it/not do it, how to do it, what to eat/not eat, where to go, and where NOT to. He has suffered no consequences from making any 'bad choices' of his own, because he has never had to make any. He has learned that as long as someone else (ie: his parents) make the choices, he'll be safe.

    He was encouraged by his parents to go to a local school for post-secondary education so he could still live at home... instead of allowing him to go away and learn what it's like when other people have an influence on your social behaviour. (Going away to university was the best thing I ever did for my social life, I'll be honest). As such his only 'friends' are either online or the people that he works with. He does not have any real-world friends that he socializes with outside of work or home. When he takes vacation time, he stays at home and plays video games online. -- His ability to handle finances are completely non-existent. He spends his entire paycheck on fluff (electronics, movies, computer hardware, TOYS, etc) because he has no bills to call his own, so he hasnt learned the perils of saving for a rainy day. His parents still take care of everything.

    He hasn't learned self-reliance because he's never been exposed to any situation where he's had to fend for himself. Because his parents have always made these decisions for him... so he'd be "safe" and "unharmed".


    Getting back on topic here... if a parent plans their child's diet that strictly, and then "react-strongly" to such situations, there's a strong likelihood that the parents are also over-protective when it comes to other aspects in the child's life, including social interactions and the like. It's usually not just limited to diet. I hope they realize that if they put their kid into a situation where someone else makes the decisions, then they have to deal with those decisions and realize that it's NOT likely going to be a major detriment to their child's development. In fact, it might help them to diversify their life experiences and realize that there's a bigger world out there than what mom & dad have shown them.
    Last edited by bhlombardy; Sun, Aug 7th, 2016 at 09:20 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bhlombardy View Post
    While I agree, there is a level of respect that goes along with it... there's also a case of admitting, as a parent, that you aren't able to control every aspect of your child's life, especially when you aren't around. And that IS A GOOD THING. Children (even babies) start learning as soon as they open their eyes. It's an instinct for that life-form to learn how to survive by observing its surroundings and learn from it. Kids need to know that their parents arent ALWAYS going to be there for them, and they need to learn how to deal with that.

    Saying that the aunts/uncles/cousins should have asked you first is projecting blame. If you dont trust the judgement of those family members, then don't leave your kids with them. If you are the type to get worked up over it, don't blame them.

    However, I think DaveP's point was that this situation might be a matter of over-parenting here... and what that sort of parenting might lead to.

    I am in my 40s... I was raised with a fair amount of leniancy at least by today's standards. Dont get me wrong, I knew what discipline and parenting was... but I wasnt sheltered.

    Now, we recently took on an employee who is in his late 20s who by even his admission, was parented in this sheltered way. He doesnt complain about it, but he admits he wasnt allowed nor encouraged to do certain things growing up. He doesnt complain, because to him, he knows no other way.

    So, since this discussion began regarding food and diet... I'll start in with that:
    His exact words when he's invited when we go out to lunch someplace different, new, or exotic is "I don't like that food." -- So we ask "Have you ever tried it?" -- "No, but it's not what I usually eat and I dont like trying anything new". This from a 27 year old.

    But it's not surprising. He admits to us that he only ever eats the foods his parents eat -- and always did. He doesnt ever try anything new. This guy STILL lives at home with his parents and has no desire to move out. Nor do they have any desire to encourage him to, all in an effort to "protect" their child.

    In the odd chance he DOES come along with us at lunch and does try some new food, he's often surprised how much he DOES like it. But he still doesn't aspire to go somewhere new on his own. While myself (and the rest of us) are more the type to try something new as soon as it arrives.

    And in these cases, it has nothing to do with him having some sort of pragmatic reason for his choices (health, nutrition, past-experience, allergy...) He's more than willing to eat at Burger King or down a few slices of pizza and he has no food allergies.

    It's all because his parents were over-protective (and I would say still are). He has been told from day-1 what to do/not do, where to do it/not do it, how to do it, what to eat/not eat, where to go, and where NOT to. He has suffered no consequences from making any 'bad choices' of his own, because he has never had to make any. He has learned that as long as someone else (ie: his parents) make the choices, he'll be safe.

    He was encouraged by his parents to go to a local school for post-secondary education so he could still live at home... instead of allowing him to go away and learn what it's like when other people have an influence on your social behaviour. (Going away to university was the best thing I ever did for my social life, I'll be honest). As such his only 'friends' are either online or the people that he works with. He does not have any real-world friends that he socializes with outside of work or home. When he takes vacation time, he stays at home and plays video games online. -- His ability to handle finances are completely non-existent. He spends his entire paycheck on fluff (electronics, movies, computer hardware, TOYS, etc) because he has no bills to call his own, so he hasnt learned the perils of saving for a rainy day. His parents still take care of everything.

    He hasn't learned self-reliance because he's never been exposed to any situation where he's had to fend for himself. Because his parents have always made these decisions for him... so he'd be "safe" and "unharmed".


    Getting back on topic here... if a parent plans their child's diet that strictly, and then "react-strongly" to such situations, there's a strong likelihood that the parents are also over-protective when it comes to other aspects in the child's life, including social interactions and the like. It's usually not just limited to diet. I hope they realize that if they put their kid into a situation where someone else makes the decisions, then they have to deal with those decisions and realize that it's NOT likely going to be a major detriment to their child's development. In fact, it might help them to diversify their life experiences and realize that there's a bigger world out there than what mom & dad have shown them.
    wow @bhlombardy ! That is quite the testimonial there. So.....based on your interaction with this ONE individual at work you use that as your supporting proof that parents who are concerned and supervise what their young kids put into their mouths every day ( which btw was the original topic here, NOT where they are schooled, or how socially interactive they are ) have somehow stunted their child as an adult?

    The fact he still lives at home may have nothing to do with his parents overprotecting him from the big bad world, but rather may be simply an economic reality ( know many that can afford to move out AND save $$, I don't )
    How is it you know so much about this co workers finances and how he spends his time and money? Have you made assumptions there on his frivolous spending or perhaps there is a smidgen of jealousy that this person CAN use his paycheque any way he chooses?

    When he gives you his reasons for not wanting to try new foods, or whether or not to join the staff at any restaurant outings you have invited him to that is not proof of anything. It simply means he prefers his family's home cooking over eating out. Well, that is what I get from his " exact words " at least. Everyone is free to live whatever life they choose right? he chooses that, you chose something else.

    My generation encouraged leaving the nest early, no available $$ to even consider higher education, just get any job, procreate and work till you die. Simpler formula maybe and half decent jobs were around then but not as do-able these days with unemployment the way it is, the rising cost of EVERYTHING making any earnings pathetically insufficient.
    So at some point if this guy does move out of his family home he may just get that hard dose of paying his own bills and tasting life without his parents around, but that will again be HIS choice of how he copes and muddles through it all.
    Just remember that as you have viewed him and made judments and assumptions about him , so too has he observed all of you.
    I'd love to be the fly on the wall hearing what he thinks of his co-workers.
    Last edited by walkonby; Sun, Aug 7th, 2016 at 01:32 PM.






  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by walkonby View Post
    How is it you know so much about this co workers finances and how he spends his time and money? Have you made assumptions there on his frivolous spending or perhaps there is a smidgen of jealousy that this person CAN use his paycheque any way he chooses?
    I know these things because he tells us, flat out. We know what he earns on each paycheck because he works the same job we do. I have made no assumptions about him because he admits it all openly. So when he tells us how much he spent on X, Y, or Z... it's because he tells us. This is not someone we observe from across a sea of cubicles in a crowded office space. This is someone on my team of 4 people, that we interact with every day. We know him quite well and make no assumptions. As I said in my post above, he admits his parents told him how/where/why every aspect of his life. It's good proof that over-parenting can stunt someone's development. By the time I was his age I had already moved away to another province to manage a retail electronics store for a national chain. Yes, that was over 15 years ago and the economy is far different today but his scenario has nothing to do with the economy.

    He sure CAN spend his money the way he chooses, but you would have to know this guy and speak with him to understand him... but you don't. So unfortunately any of your comments in his defense are purely conjecture. I work with this guy every day. I speak to him everyday. And don't get me wrong. I like the guy... he's a nice guy, and a good worker, and he knows his stuff. Friendly and a good guy to be around. But I know for a fact -- and by his own admission -- that he has led a very protected and sheltered life under his parents.

    He openly admits that he'll spend $800 on a statue of an anime character (of which he's bought several in the past year), or buy a SECOND Playstation 4 so he can keep one in his bed room, and the other in the rec-room... and then next paycheck go out and buy a complete WiiU package for $500 just so he can play the latest Zelda game. -- and no it has absolutely nothing with jealousy. I have no need for the things he blows his money on... I'm much more content owning my own home, my own car, and paying my own bills. I get satisfaction and feel accomplished knowing I can do those things. However, it's evidence that he has not at all learned how to save and prepare for the future.

    He works the same job I do. It's 'decent' money... not enough to make one rich, but it's livable and far better than minimum wage. I've been at it for about ten years, he's been here about two. So as such, he makes a little bit less than I do but he spends more. Something is wrong with that equation. If he was truly suffering from a "tough economy" as you suggest may be the case, then one would think he should be saving money for his future, instead of buying a $1500 drone and then a week later accidentally crashing it into a tree, and buying a new one on the next paycheck. Maybe, instead, investing it into a retirement fund, maybe planning to move out on his own... maybe a down payment on a house. But he's never been met with the risk of not paying his bills because he has never had any.



    Quote Originally Posted by walkonby View Post
    When he gives you his reasons for not wanting to try new foods, or whether or not to join the staff at any restaurant outings you have invited him to that is not proof of anything. It simply means he prefers his family's home cooking over eating out. Well, that is what I get from his " exact words " at least.
    As I said previously, you don't know the guy, and you don't hear all of the things that he says. So your presumptions on him are purely speculation based on one quote. However, as I said in my earlier post, he has been told all of his life what to eat and not eat... again, by his own admission. And it wasnt at all for health reasons, and certainly not due to cost. He doesn't try new foods because he was taught NOT to try new things. If his parents didn't like broccoli, then he was told not to eat it too. -- and it's not about his parent's home-cooking. They hardly cook at home either, if you were to listen to him. But again, you havent heard him say those things to understand him the way that we do.

    Quote Originally Posted by walkonby View Post
    Everyone is free to live whatever life they choose right?
    This is pretty much exactly my point... Although, he hasn't been given a lot of choice in his life. He's been told every step of the way what choices to make. As I said in my earlier post, when he DOES choose to go off his usual path and DOES try something new, he's usually met with surprise with how much he DOES like it. It's a whole new world to him that he'd never have discovered if not for these 'outside influences' through his 'social interactions' with his co-workers... social interactions that are long over due, IMHO. And choices he would NEVER make on his own.


    Further, I wasn't saying that the original poster was that type of parent necessarily. I was merely agreeing with DaveP's post by an example of how over-parenting and over-control can be a determent to a person's development. My example was simply to point out that if parents don't afford some freedom for their child to allow outside influences in on occasion, to make his/her own choices, and feel some consequence of those choices -- good or bad... you risk grooming them into an adult who has no concept of what it means to make their own decisions, feel the success or failure, and if they fail, to get up and try again... and how to avoid or prevent those bad things from coming around again.
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    I thought this thread was about food choices for a nine month old? I didn't think we were talking about influencing decisions in our mid 20s! I do think it's reasonable to teach kids who have no experience what is healthy and what is not. When they move out of the house at 17, they can certainly make their own decisions about what they can and can't eat, who they go out with, what they do and take the full responsibility of their actions.

    However, I don't appreciate it when DH's family feeds my toddler junk and leaves me to deal with the wild and erratic behavior that it results in. This is not to say I don't indulge LO in weekly ice cream, Goldfish crackers whenever she asks, and each time she goes to the snack cabinet. Life is short and I'd rather give her snacks in reasonable quantities than watch her pig out at parties. I'm impressed that she has the ability to only eat one Goldfish, or one Cheerio, one raisin, etc. when I say so, but she also goes in herself and often asks after she's opened the container and eaten one or two, in which case, my answer is irrelevant.

    When she asks for healthy snacks, I often let her have a few more, but not just before mealtimes.

    Her daycare offers her sugary cereals, chips as meals, and undiluted juices and then complains to me about her behavior. Well people, you made your bed... After I put in restrictions on her diet, I get less complaints. Then it's just her mimicking other kids.

    I know a high school teacher who confiscates all the junk out of her homeroom class lunches and gives it back when they leave her class after school. She's always said that she doesn't need studies to tell how artificial sugars and fats affect the brain because she lives it each day. It's not that she does it to be controlling, but dealing with two or three problem kids affects the entire class and if she can't teach in those 50 minutes, those are the kids she's sending out to universities and colleges. She feels badly for the well behaved kids who come to learn but if she's dealing with the attention grabbing kids who are mouthing off, she has no time to focus on the ones who are working hard.

    I was just reminded of a kid in her class who's parents wanted her to help introduce him to the other kids and become more social. She really doesn't want to because the teen's grades are fine, and the other kids are involved with drugs, alcohol, fast relationships, and a significant percentage of them have police records - girls and boys.

    Showing kids the right way to do things to protect them from harm is fine, but I'm not sure advocating a dictatorship was anyone's suggestion. By the way, I do know several people who have grown up with heavy parental guidance, and they've got some great habits, financially and otherwise. Others don't. It really depends on the individual.

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    That is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard.If a high School teacher confiscated any food from my almost adult child's lunch, a meeting would be in order and I would be the winner of that debate. I also don't know of any high school where kids eat lunch in the classroom or for that matter bring their lunch to home room so I just don't understand how that would work, they are pretty much open campus here.
    Last edited by thriftygranny; Mon, Aug 8th, 2016 at 03:20 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thriftygranny View Post
    That is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard.If a high School teacher confiscated any food from my almost adult child's lunch, a meeting would be in order and I would be the winner of that debate. I also don't know of any high school where kids eat lunch in the classroom or for that matter bring their lunch to home room so I just don't understand how that would work, they are pretty much open campus here.
    I hear more ridiculous things on my work phone daily. I don't know that any of these 14 year olds could be considered adults, but most are from single parent homes where the parent works a lot to pay rent and work costs, food is often secondary. It's a rough neighbourhood and I don't think there are too many parents that have the time to be concerned about teachers taking their chips for a few hours. If the child has an unhealthy lunch, she offers them hers, and usually brings more than one lunch to share. I think all the kids respect her, and she looks out for them, so there have been a lot more parents that appreciate her efforts than complain.

    I have no idea how the school works either. I went to a school that served fries and burgers in the cafeteria and it was SO loud in there until the principal or vice-principal sat in for the hour. Looking back on it, I wished that I had the brains to eat healthier, but that would have meant going home for lunch each day. Environmentally, that would have meant a litterless lunch, so it would have worked out better all around.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweet sparrow View Post
    I don't know that any of these 14 year olds could be considered adults,
    Highschool encompasses ages 14-17... and possibly 18 depending on the birthday of the student and/or school system. That's pretty much young-adult... and they should be more than cognizant to decide what to eat without her interference.

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet sparrow View Post
    I know a high school teacher who confiscates all the junk out of her homeroom class lunches and gives it back when they leave her class after school. She's always said that she doesn't need studies to tell how artificial sugars and fats affect the brain because she lives it each day.
    Regardless of the age, however, here we have the same sort of behaviour... an outsider dictating what someone else's child should/should not be fed. Maybe, as a parent I give them a healthy and hearty breakfast, and a healthy supper. Lunch is the only meal I'm not present for. Their lunch is something of a treat, something that won't spoil and that through the course of the afternoon they will burn the calories from. -- some dietary advise would even say that in today's society, that your midday meal, if any of them is the one you should be least concerned with (that's not to say fill it with junk, necessarily, but in the day's run breakfast should be a day-starter, lunch can be whatever bides you through the afternoon, and your evening meal should be your healthiest, reduced calorie meal).

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet sparrow View Post
    It's not that she does it to be controlling,
    Sure it is... she wants to control the outcome of what she feels that lunch provides or doesnt for the rest of her teaching afternoon. But she hasn't the right to take food (albeit, by her determination, junk) that their family paid for, out of anyone's child's mouth. Even if she substitutes it. That's not for her to say.

    Yes, I do see a place where a child from a disadvantaged family MIGHT fare better with a better lunch. Some of our schools have breakfast and hot-lunch programs for that very reason, and parents are grateful for it. And I AM sure those parents would appreciate what her intentions are. But it's not at the will and whim of the staff to do so. It has to be approved by the parents... and if it's not, there's not much she can do about it, like it or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet sparrow View Post
    ...but dealing with two or three problem kids affects the entire class and if she can't teach in those 50 minutes, those are the kids she's sending out to universities and colleges. She feels badly for the well behaved kids who come to learn but if she's dealing with the attention grabbing kids who are mouthing off, she has no time to focus on the ones who are working hard.
    Then her skills as an educator also need to include discipline. If that means ejecting them from the class, to the principal, and then explain to the parents what she THINKS is causing it (eg. poor lunch choices) then the parents need to deal with that. But it's not her place to dictate what the students eat.

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet sparrow View Post
    I was just reminded of a kid in her class who's parents wanted her to help introduce him to the other kids and become more social. She really doesn't want to because the teen's grades are fine, and the other kids are involved with drugs, alcohol, fast relationships, and a significant percentage of them have police records - girls and boys.
    Good judgement for her, on THAT front... but I'm sure the parents weren't advocating their child be introduced to those negative influences either. I'm betting they were hoping the teacher would guide their son to a better set of social circles than the otherwise bad-crowd... in fact I'd bet that was their intent from the onset of their request.
    Last edited by bhlombardy; Mon, Aug 8th, 2016 at 04:54 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sweet sparrow View Post
    I hear more ridiculous things on my work phone daily. I don't know that any of these 14 year olds could be considered adults, but most are from single parent homes where the parent works a lot to pay rent and work costs, food is often secondary. It's a rough neighbourhood and I don't think there are too many parents that have the time to be concerned about teachers taking their chips for a few hours. If the child has an unhealthy lunch, she offers them hers, and usually brings more than one lunch to share. I think all the kids respect her, and she looks out for them, so there have been a lot more parents that appreciate her efforts than complain.

    I have no idea how the school works either. I went to a school that served fries and burgers in the cafeteria and it was SO loud in there until the principal or vice-principal sat in for the hour. Looking back on it, I wished that I had the brains to eat healthier, but that would have meant going home for lunch each day. Environmentally, that would have meant a litterless lunch, so it would have worked out better all around.
    Having raised my older two as a single parent I can say with certainty I would have found the time.
    I thought she was confiscating the food to eradicate poor afternoon behavior due to eating high sugar dye infused food not because single and low income parents don't have the means to pack a healthy lunch.
    Personally I would blame the bad afternoon behavior on the kids that she says are jacked up on drugs and alcohol not the kid that is scarfing down some Doritos!!!!
    Seriously though even though her heart is in the right place it isn't her right to dictate what kids eat from their lunch. Our schools here, both public and Catholic have food guidelines in place in regards to what the school can offer them in the cafeteria and school vending machines , it has to be a nutritionally sound offering which is a good idea.
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    Wow, after a few months, this thread has been revived! Pretty much every other parent, including our doctor, has told me that I was overprotective. Also, that it was normal for a first time mom and that it wanes as time goes on. I myself believe I will be more lenient in the future with this child and much more with my next.

    Anyway, our baby is now 15 months old. Before, he was all gums and they shoved a whole fry into his mouth. He now has 9 teeth and he can eat french fries by himself. Of course I still watch him carefully, in case he chokes. He also eats cake, cookies, chocolate, potato chips and ice cream along with the usual fruits, veggies, meat, dairy and so on. We also let him play in the dirt, run and fall, "swim" in the lakes and play at the beaches. He's also tasted sand, so I guess I'm not helicopter parenting him as much anymore.

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    I am glad you can relax a bit, it is very difficult for first time moms.
    You want to do the absolute best for your baby and really there never is a right or wrong answer on your personal ideals on child rearing!!
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    @bhlombardy and @thriftygranny: As a disclaimer, my memories of high school are over two decades old, and when my friend was telling me about her high school, that was also over 10 years ago. I'm sure a lot has changed in schools since then, nutritionally and in terms of discipline.

    @goldenkagi: I'm glad you've found that happy balance in what works for you and your toddler. In my experience, there is no one right way to raise a child, except to do it in love and to do what you feel is best for yours. It's not right for others to impose their rules and restrictions without your permission. Unfortunately, there will always be someone to disagree with how you're raising your children, and they will always offer their judgement and criticism without knowing what you live through daily. I don't blame you for being concerned at nine months, and I don't blame you for being more lenient now. Most parents have been there and it's common that the second and third children usually have less restrictions than the first!
    walkonby likes this.

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