Graduation situation

[momof3heathens]

My dd17 will be 18 in June and is graduating high school this year. Her boyfriend turned 19 in April this year and graduated last year. She just found out that she is not allowed to have him escort her to her grad dinner/dance because he is 19. Is this normal? She is pretty upset that she has paid over $600 for dress, shoes, hair, etc not including the cost of the tickets to attend even though she isn't even grading with the majority of her friends who are either younger or older than her. She is semi friendly with one person in her grad class.

[Jody22002]

It's the same rule here too. Stupidity. It gets even more stupid. My son isn't actually meant to graduate until 2013. However, he has enough credits to graduate this year. If he decided to graduate this year, he wouldn't be able to attend the ceremony or dinner because of his age(just turned 17). His girlfriend is only 16 so next year, when he does graduate, she will not be able to attend the grad. His best friend, a girl, who graduated last year, also cannot attend as his date because she will be 19.

Ridiculous.

[Natalka]

Wow, I've never heard of this type of thing - what's their reasoning? Is it because the BF is of drinking age, or because he doesn't attend the high school?

[glowworm2k]

Wow! Weird rules. I honestly don't know what the rules were at my high school... the guy I was with when I graduated was 21 (I was 18), but I skipped both the graduation ceremony and prom/dinner as I wasn't interested in attending either. (I had dropped out shortly after the winter exam break, so I think the school was happy that I didn't go)

[c_mcarthur]

hmmmmm if i recall correctly, i was allowed to bring a date from a different school to my prom (which i did)
I was 18 and he was 17.
I know a bunch of people brought dates from different schools, altho i dont see why age should matter, i dont remember having to write how old we were on the tickets LOL

[saveadollardiva]

Age should not matter. Like I don't understand that rule? I think they should bring whomever they pick. Just as long as the person is not causing any trouble at the event it should be fine. Sorry your DD is going through this. Can she maybe talk to someone to see if this situation can be resolved? Example, maybe talk to the princple of the school?

[MrsSunshine]

ITA it STINKS!. I brought my husband to my prom.. and he was not even a student at all! I was 18 he was 22
my son graduates and can only bring 2 ppl. so his brother isnt' allowed to go.. so pftt to his school im throwing him a party.
now they changed it from at a church to at the school. oh well its closer.
btw. my son isn't even going to his prom. but thats ok.
to the OP is there any way you can have her attend her ceremony and then maybe find a way for your DD and your BF go out on their own afterwards to celebrate all 'decked out'. here thats impossible, theres nothing worthing getting dressed up for.

[hollyquaiscer]

We have the same policy at the school I worked at for years. The reasoning for this policy (at my school) was safety for others at the school. These rules can be challenged and also there are always exceptions to the rule. I would suggest that you call and talk to the principal to find out the reason for these rules at your dd's school. Request an exception to the rule and explain why. If you are met with resistance and not acceptable answers to your questions, be polite, but explain the cost of the tickets and such and that you find their answers unacceptable for this situation. If you are not happy with the results of your conversation. You should contact the superintendant of your school (also advise the principal that you are going to do this) Unless it is a BYLAW, written into your school district, you can request reasonable exemptions to the rule. I hope this helps you.

Also, is there going to be a grad dance or afterparty that they will be going to together? Our school always had a dance where there was alcohol. Don't jump on me, it's a given that most teens are going to drink on this night, so we tried to prevent accidents by doing this. We had all grads that were attending have a form signed by there parents. The form tsated that the grads were to be DROPPED OFF at the school gym, no driving was allowed. We had Designated Drivers that drove all the kids home, and the dance went from 9pm until 4:30am Supervisers there at all times, parents, teachers, and community volunteers. We have done this for 8 years and have never, ever had an incident where a child was in a car accident.

I hope I have given you a few tools to help you out, but don't wait, start now as the wheels can move slowly up the chain in school boards.

[momof3heathens]

She is going to ask if he can just sign a code of conduct agreement.

[Lynn49]

Oh, how sad......I hope that works for her and him...if not, Holly had some great suggestions...Take it to the top if you have to!
Good luck and congratulations to your daughter!!

[Speckled28]

Interesting!! By "grad dinner/dance" are we talking about the prom......or separate event for graduates. I feel like my prom had a code of conduct that needed to be signed by anyone coming who was not a student......but I don't think age played any part. It's tricky now though, because depending on your birthday you could be graduating at the age of 17......so I could see where they might not walk a 17 year bringing their 25 year old boyfriend (for example......I was in the first official year without grade 13 and I remember a few young girls dating men a decent amount older). Things like that make a huge grey area though when it comes to where to draw the line.

I'm jealous of the above posters who are mentioning the dinners!! At our prom we had pop.....that was it, LOL. Also our prom happened in May......and our graduation ceremonies were always in November (still are I believe)......and they were nothing special......you come, you sit, you walk up, you get your diploma, you go home. lol. I'm feeling a bit jipped after reading this! lol

I agree with talking to the school and seeing if they'll be able to help. Nicely of course......unless they continue to refuse......then you become the squeaky wheel.....or at least threaten to! lol

[DianneS]

Our high school has a rule that dates/guests who do not attend our school have to be vetted by either the principal of the school they attend or by a reference from their employer. This is for the safety and enjoyment of all students. They use common sense with regards to age difference but generally keep it to about 22 years old --up to 4 years older which is fair IMO.

We have a dinner/dance at a downtown hotel. It begins at 5:00 p.m. and lasts until 11:30. It is followed by a parent-hosted "alcohol-free, drug-free" Dry Grad. Students are transported by bus from the dinner/dance to the Dry Grad which is essentially an all-night party complete with mock casino, caricature artists, temp. tattoo artists, indoor rock-climbing, huge air games....bungee runs, jousting, velcro obstacle course game tables, and prizes for all. At 5:00 a.m. we have a hypnotist perform for an hour, give out a gazillion prizes at 6:30 a.m. and send them all home at 7:00. Their ticket for this part of the evening is $40 and it also includes transportation, all activities, tons of food, beverages, snacks, etc. I organized several times this at my kids school and it is a huge job but SO worth it. We did lots of fundraising to help defray costs. At my son's grad in 2010 there were 298 students graduating and 280 of them came to Dry Grad. I know that some parents feel students will drink anyway, but we have been very successful in offering our students a way of celebrating responsibly and legally. All public schools in our District (the largest in British Columbia) host Dry Grads.

[MrsSunshine]

wow Dianne.. awesome deal for $40!.. my son is getting his picture taken with his principle (whoopdie doo, especially after last years issues).. a certificate, and gets to wear a cap and gown for a few hours.. $50.. thats it! His grad pictures alone of himself.. over $200. but worth it. then were throwing a family/friend party for him. His graduation ceremony is at the end of the school year.
he just doesnt' have the friend 'circle' most teens have to attend parties. i can't wait for the party.

[momof3heathens]

This is for the dinner/dance only that he isn't allowed to attend. I haven't had a chance to speak with her yet about it as she is at work. There is just a little over a year between the two of them. He went to a different high school. He works full time and funny enough he will be university this fall working on his teaching degree and then his goal is the become a high school principal.

Eta: she just walked in and said she spoke to the guidance counselor who is in charge of the actual party and was told that was never the rule to start with.

Happy happy days are here again. lol.

[Midnightly]

i would push the point.. i remember when i graduated, you had to fill out a form if your guest was not a current student (i can understand this, they want to know who is going to attend, and if there are any red s). i would be down right angry if i was told i could not bring my boyfriend to my prom especially when my BF at the time.. is now my husband