Thinking of you... (relation/friendship advice)

[vesper]

My friend, you are going to have to let her go. I know that sucks.

I fooled around with an older lady who was attached before, you're going to fall head over heals and get hurt! Move on, lots of free women out there.

[vesper]

Did I misread this? You are a male right? Whether this is male/female female/male male/male or female/female.... Advice is all the same. Hope things work out for you!

[padfoot]

Did I misread this? You are a male right? Whether this is male/female female/male male/male or female/female.... Advice is all the same. Hope things work out for you!

lol yes i am male for everyone wondering, but wanted to keep some stuff private. Thank you everyone for your advice! I sttill am thinking of this person everyday but i guess i may not get a v-day gift for them. If i do, might just be a card. Would it be bad for me if i were to mail said v-day card?

and yes i have a best friend that knows me well, but i havent told them the emotional part of this story.

Anymore advice from anyone else is appreciated

and btw, i dont really feel moody or dark , its just I think about this person a lot. I still go through my daily life just fine without anyone noticing somethings bothering me emotionally/mentally.

[Poirot]

lol yes i am male for everyone wondering, but wanted to keep some stuff private. Thank you everyone for your advice! I sttill am thinking of this person everyday but i guess i may not get a v-day gift for them. If i do, might just be a card. Would it be bad for me if i were to mail said v-day card?

and yes i have a best friend that knows me well, but i havent told them the emotional part of this story.

Anymore advice from anyone else is appreciated

and btw, i dont really feel moody or dark , its just I think about this person a lot. I still go through my daily life just fine without anyone noticing somethings bothering me emotionally/mentally.

Don't mail a card what if this man's boyfriend opens his mail.

[vesper]

All right no problem! I figured you were a man, I got confused that others referred to you as a woman.

Personally, I would not send this person anything. It will just feed your own desire. If that person does feel the same, maybe one day, they'll be free and seek you out!

[hollyquaiscer]

Don't mail a card what if this man's boyfriend opens his mail.

If the boyfriend opens the mail, I think it would be a good thing. You can't build a relationship on deceit and being a cheater. That would be the best thing that could happen. The boyfriend deserves a partner that will respect and be honest to him!

[SharonMe]

Hey everyone, so let me give you some background info:

I started talking to this older person every once in awhile since early last year, and we only met each other in person a couple of times due to our busy schedules and timings unable to match up. This person is really nice, and likes me the way I am, and I feel like I can truly be myself around this person. However, this person is already in a relationship for a few years with their current partner.

But each time we're able to meet up, I always feel so complete when we're together, and this person just makes me smile all the time thinking about them.

I wonder if this person thinks about me too, in the same way I do. I'm unable to fall asleep cause my mind is on this person. Its less than a month till valentines day and I'm thinking if I should get them a gift again or not (fyi I bought them a gift last years valentines day, and they still have it )

This person may like you as you are because they're looking for a quick fast ride. Nobody kicks the tire on a taxi. Yeah,for a few times any cab is perfect just as is. and no they're not thinking of you the same way you're thinking of them. Right now they're trying their best to convine their partner that you're just a friend or someone who means nothing to them. You right now are a threat to their warm comfy home life.

[Minou]

Go out and meet other people and forget all about mooning over this person. If their relationship ends, the person you're interested in may seek you out, but until that time, getting involved with that person would be wrong. And why would you even want a serious relationship with someone who was so willing to cheat? It's very possible, as the above poster said, that the person considers you a fling, a distraction, or an easy opportunity, and might not even want you as a partner if they were available. No cards, no gifts, no contact. Move on.

[Minou]

Wait a minute... it sounds like this was an online thing? You've only met a couple of times?

Sounds kind of like they were out looking to be unfaithful. Would you really want someone like that?

Move on!

[roseofblack25]

From personal experience walk away now! I was the "other woman" in a relationship a few years ago but I didn't know it until one day I found out the reason why I was never allowed at his house...It's because he was hiding a girlfriend he was living with! Once a cheater always a cheater...They broke up not long after and he thought I would take him back...He apparently "did it for us"...No thanks, because what's keeping him from getting bored and doing the exact same thing on me with someone else?

[vesper]

Coincidently, my girlfriend has cheated on me twice in our almost 6 years together. And the signs she is hiding something are back again.

As the above poster said, once a cheater, always a cheater. I'm a slow learner.

[lghend]

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option". Truer words have never been spoken.

[jonesy]

Don't walk.... RUN!!!! Don't be a play-thing, don't eat off of someone else's plate.
This garbage will only hurt your already fragile self confidence. Do it for yourself as your own Valentine's present to you. No good can come from moving ahead with this person. Go ahead and think a little more but wean yourself off, it goes away. Pick up a good book, watch movies or do some Sudoku puzzles. Whatever it takes to get this person to stop taking up space in your head. They're not paying rent to be there.

[Kalmel]

Padfoot, are you really reading what some of us are saying??? most, if not all are telling you what your doing is wrong and you then ask if you should send her a Valentin card! seriously??? I get that you fell in love and all and your in a sucky situation but it doesnt make it ok to hurt someone else and gee, can you just imagine you sending this card and it's the boyfriend that picks-up the mail!! why would you even want to torture someone like this just because you can?? I'm sorry, but let her go..karma as a funny way sometimes to bite you up you know where...

[snipandsave]

My only advice is to think about the kind of person you really want to be with, what qualities would they have? Would they be unfaithful in their relationships? Would they push you away or allow you to feel confused?

Or do you want someone that will choose you first, that will end any innapropriate attachments and be completely forthcoming?

This is the problem with men and women having deeper friendships, it only works when they are both single. It's just biology. Exceptions are extremly rare. This society would like us to think we can all be "mature" in these scenarios but the realty is there is a 50% divorce rate and if you aren't doing everything to guard your relationship (which i believe should come naturally if you chose right) then there are alot of influeneces that can interfere.

I wish you the best!

Snip.