Thinking of you... (relation/friendship advice)

[JennyFromTheRock]

I agree with every other comment. You should stay far away from this person. Completely cut all ties. First off, if he had the felings for you that you have for him, he would be with you. He would leave the other person and that would be that. Given that he hasnt, you have to think about that persons character. Lets say one day he does descide that he wants to be with you, and leaves the other person. How can you trust him?? You know for a fact that he's perfectly fine cheating on a person ( as he had with his previous partner with you ) so how do you know he wouldnt have another "you" on the side?? Any person willing to cheat is a bad person, no matter how they make you feel, no matter how much you think you care for them. Bad person plain and simple. Sadly, since you are also involved in this situation, you are turning yourself in to a bad person because you are hurting his partner as much as he is. If I were you, I would honestly let their partner know ( for their sake ) and walk away from the situation all together.

[bekki3]

padfoot... I think deep down you know what the right answer is. Until this person decides what he wants from a relationship you should move on. I'm sure it's not easy waiting, wondering, wanting, etc. But, you need to cut ties and tell him that you care for him but you can't be in a relationship with someone that is already in one... you are better than that I'm sure!

All the best... heartbreak is a horrible thing but good things can come from it in given time!

Bekki

[Hondamanic]

I would let go & put your energies into meeting people who are actually single.....not someone who is playing games & cheating on their partner.

Totally agree!! there is someone out there for you....you just need to wait for that right person and it will happen for you. Good luck, stay positive and always keep smiling

[padfoot]

Thanks everyone for your continued advice and yes, i have been reading everything, just soaking it all in as it is hard to decide. But i think i will stop trying to have a relationship with this person like everyone else says to do - run away lol.

I also find it funny how people switch between genders when i havent revealed anyones except mine lol. I guess mailing a card is bad as i didnt think about if their partner had opened their mail. I mean theyve already read their private texts.

I still welcome any future advice!

[vesper]

I also find it funny how people switch between genders when i havent revealed anyones except mine lol.

Well we gotta assume since you didn't post anything. I assumed you are male with a male special friend. I could be wrong.

Affairs with older women are thrilling, but dammit they seem to good at making you feel good, once you find out you been yahoo'd, it really sucks. I'd do it again anyway (except now I am 36 not 20 so they really are not older now)

Hope you're feeling better.

[Andit]

Here's my advice, for what it's worth. Stay away from this person until such time as he/she has made up their mind as to what they want. Right now, they don't know what they want (waiting for things to blow over). The situation is messy and you're only going to get (& feel) dirty.

You sound like a nice decent fellow. You deserve better.


There are a lot of nice guys who end up with not so nice SO's. And then when a nice potential comes along, relationships get difficult. I've had 2 serious relationships. In one case, the gentleman had been treated so badly by previous girlfriends that he didn't know what to do with me (broke my heart that I was the first girlfriend who'd ever given him a Xmas present, grrr, I'll refrain from saying exactly what I think about those types of creatures ). It literally took me years to get him to the point where he could trust me.


Sorry for rambling. The point is that you deserve someone who will put you first. Life's too short to waste it on something that can cause you grief.

I wish you all the best.

[Safyre]

You choose how you allow others to treat you. If this person cherished you as much as you do them, they would break off their current relationship. Fact is, they haven't. And nothing you do will force their hand. If the partner has already read the private messages, and that didn't break off the relationship, it seems like your love interest may be good at sweet talking out of hard spots. Sending a Valentines Card is not going to force a break up - and it does seem to me that this was your passive way to try to do so.

You're willing to accept what little attention this person gives you, and eat it up with a spoon. You think it means something that they still have your Valentines gift from last year - it just means they knew keeping it would keep you hooked, make you believe you mean more.

Everyone on here can type whatever advice they want - you have to make the decision for yourself. You know what is right and wrong, you know what you're willing to put up with. For me, respect is a minimum, without it, you've got nothing.

Respect yourself first, and doing the moral thing becomes easy and clear.

[savess]

Doesn't matter what gender anyone involved is…. it's all the same
It's been over a year already - probably enough.
You've learned something - you deserve someone who makes you feel happy, just the way you are. Good for you, very important lesson, never settle for less.
Now, take what you've learned and be open to finding a relationship with someone who is not already involved, and preferably closer to your own age.
Take your hurt feelings (I know it hurts, it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, it still hurts, I feel for you), and pour that energy into taking care of yourself (not that anything is wrong, there's just always room, especially self-respect) so that when your true partner comes along (and they will), you have just as much to offer them in return.
Good things will come your way.
Take care

[JennyFromTheRock]

I still strongly urge you to tell their partner. If not you, then get someone else to, even if you dont particularly say that you have been involved with them. You could contact them as "someone who has seen something".

Put yourself in the other persons shoes. Living a lie and they dont even know it. They are giving their heart to someone who doesnt deserve it. They deserve better than this person too. I have no doubt once you are out of the picture you will be replaced with another fling. Nobody deserves to live like that and not even know it.

[marstec]

I still strongly urge you to tell their partner. If not you, then get someone else to, even if you dont particularly say that you have been involved with them. You could contact them as "someone who has seen something".

Put yourself in the other persons shoes. Living a lie and they dont even know it. They are giving their heart to someone who doesnt deserve it. They deserve better than this person too. I have no doubt once you are out of the picture you will be replaced with another fling. Nobody deserves to live like that and not even know it.

Personally, I think that is going too far. Best to just step away from the situation and let them deal with any other issues.

[JennyFromTheRock]

Personally, I think that is going too far. Best to just step away from the situation and let them deal with any other issues.

I think the other person deserves to know. If you were with someone who was cheating on you, wouldnt you be glad someone told you so that you werent giving your life to someone not worthy?

[Safyre]

I think the other person deserves to know. If you were with someone who was cheating on you, wouldnt you be glad someone told you so that you werent giving your life to someone not worthy?

I think the OP has responsibility to themselves and only themselves. Telling the other person partner may change nothing and will serve to hurt the person they do care about. I have had a boyfriend that cheated on me, many people told me, but I choose to believe him above anyone else. My own issues. I don't regret the time I spent with him, he just wasn't the man I needed him to be. I've also been the other women before, and we got away with it, to this day I don't believe the other party ever knew. I say, we all know what is right and wrong, we choose our actions, our reactions and what helps us sleep at night.

[JennyFromTheRock]

I think the OP has responsibility to themselves and only themselves. Telling the other person partner may change nothing and will serve to hurt the person they do care about. I have had a boyfriend that cheated on me, many people told me, but I choose to believe him above anyone else. My own issues. I don't regret the time I spent with him, he just wasn't the man I needed him to be. I've also been the other women before, and we got away with it, to this day I don't believe the other party ever knew. I say, we all know what is right and wrong, we choose our actions, our reactions and what helps us sleep at night.

I hope thats not something your proud of??

[i_love_to_save]

all you have to do is ask yourself if you would be ok with him/her cheating on you as well?...

[Safyre]

I hope thats not something your proud of??

Not at all, I was saying that I've been a part of an affair story from both sides. That is all. I've done things in life I shouldn't have, everyone does. That particular indiscretion allowed me to give advice from a place of being there myself.

Fact is, we can all say what we do in a situation, but until you've lived those situations, you truly have no idea. We can all be idealists until reality slaps us in the face.