I can't afford to even be invited to a wedding....

[saveadollardiva]

To have a small wedding will cost around 5-10,000, which is still alot of money. The bride and groom are still trying to have the wedding of their dreams on their budget. As a family memeber or close friend, you can not expect to go to a wedding and not give them something when they have paid alot of money in their eyes to have it. And sorry, not everyone wants to do the city hall thing. There is a difference between going for a drive and being invited to a wedding the bride and groom have worked hard on probably for a few months and have paid a huge amount of money on. There is a HUGE difference money wise on gas and a wedding that cost 5-10,000 or more! Also, your money issues are not their problem either. I have said no to weddings before, there is nothing wrong saying you can not go because of money. BUT I think it would be rude of me to go and not pay my plate.

If you say your going and you dont pay your plate/give a gift at least, the bride and groom our out of money. They lose, while, you got to eat/drink, dance, for half the price. How would you feel if you paid $100 a plate and a guest gives you maybe $20.00?? Don't tell me you wouldn't be mad, because you would. That is my view.

[saveadollardiva]

I understand your point trishka. I got married almost 2 years ago, and me and my DH had the wedding we wanted and paid what we wanted. I was not expecting anything in return from my guests, yes was I hoping they would paid their plates, of course, but you never know, everyone has their own money situations. I just think it is the right thing to do, to at least pay for the plate or at least try and pay what you can or give a gift to somewhat the same amount. Everyone has their own views though.

[Crochetlady]

We just got an invitation to a wedding reception last week. The wedding is at the groom`s parents farm. Our neighbour got his invitation at least a month ago to the wedding and supper. To us it felt like we`re not good enough or it was an afterthought but we still feel like we`ll be expected to give a gift.

When DH and I got married 25 years ago we had our best friends as attendants...got married in a church. We had no guests, in fact no-one knew we were getting married til the next day we went to visit some family and told them. So last year when we had our 25th we invited a lot of friends and family to celebrate with us. They were told we didn`t want any gifts. Some did anyway and whatever they gave was appreciated.

[saveadollardiva]

I think though as a new married couple your just both starting your life together. So of course every gift or money gift does help to get people started together. Either way, everyone is entilted to their own thoughts and views.

[iggysbabysitter]

I have some friends who were getting married, and they knew I was unemployed. They invited my family to their "bowling party" before the wedding... the kids were so excited! So I get there with a gift ($80 set of Tupperware that was free to me), and am greeted at the door with what now appears to be a fundraiser! No gift table, but a bunch of ticket tables, raffles, and a door fee (I had my grocery money on me, and still had to send hubby out for more just to get in). If my kids weren't there and so excited to play I would have just walked out. While I like the couple, they knew I didn't have the means to drop $70 just to go bowling. I had no idea that a "Jack and Jill" was code for wedding fundraiser. I find the consept of weddings as money makers crass.

[nicolthepickle]

Get revenge. Get married yourself.

[saveadollardiva]

iggysbabysitter, I think that was wrong that you bring a gift and still have to pay a cover charge and other things. And I am surpised they didn't tell people that ahead of time so people could decided or not to attend? Me and my husband had a jack and jill and send out invites as to what was going on. People either gave us money or a gift their choice. And if they knew about your situation they should of at least like not ask you to pay cover charge? Like that was bad.

[xox2010]

I think those Jack and Jill things are such money grabs. It actually angers me how entitled people have become. If I get married, I would spend less than $5000 (even that is excessive to me). I don't think guests should be expected to cover the cost of their plate. If you chose to spend $200 per guest, then make sure you can afford it beforehand - don't rely on the guest to pay for your wedding!
Personally, I would much prefer to put $20-30k towards a house (one of my goals in the next 10 years), instead of towards 1 day.

[sweet sparrow]

To the OP, if you don't know what the bride and groom's feelings are on this, and can't afford what you think they expect, why don't you give them a call and tell them you're going to decline because you can't afford to give them the gift they deserve? I know if someone called me and said that, I would have laughed and said "Don't be silly, your presence is the gift. The picture of you beside me while I'm in my wedding dress, is what I want." Maybe your friend will say that too and the pressure will be off.

saveadollardiva is right, sometimes parents who can afford to help don't, and we were not expecting any help. But as an adult, the bride and groom should know that you can afford the entire expense in the case that every single guest gives you the same ceramic vase (and no gift receipt). It's a lot like budgeting. If people can't pay for their wants before they sign up for them, it really isn't anyone else's fault that their credit rating is poor, their account is in overdraft, or that they owe more than they have. At the end of the day, all that's really necessary is that you have the piece of paper that says you are legally married to the person you chose.

And that your DH cried for the first time while you were walking down the aisle because he thought you were the prettiest girl in the world and he's never been happier. Or so he says...

[CanadianCouponCollector]

I'm glad you for feel comfortable enough to voice your opinion on my post.

[saveadollardiva]

well said sweet sparrow, when I planned mine I was not expecting anything, yes, you wish people will pay their plate, but, me and DH had a budget were is we didn't gain anything we would not cry over it. BUT, i still think the right thing to do is to pay your plate or at least give a gift. Like you just can not go their and expect to almost pay/give nothing, that isn't right either.

[trishka]

I think those Jack and Jill things are such money grabs. It actually angers me how entitled people have become. If I get married, I would spend less than $5000 (even that is excessive to me). I don't think guests should be expected to cover the cost of their plate. If you chose to spend $200 per guest, then make sure you can afford it beforehand - don't rely on the guest to pay for your wedding!
Personally, I would much prefer to put $20-30k towards a house (one of my goals in the next 10 years), instead of towards 1 day.

A Jack and Jill or any variation of the name is simply a wedding fundraiser. It's usually considered something different than a shower. Some choose to have these instead of a shower but others have them in addition to. They should have been clear that it was a fundraiser though.

[CanadianCouponCollector]

Maybe I'm an old-fashioned kinda young kid, but I grew up believing that weddings were thrown with the expectation being that there will be a good time had with close family and friends to celebrate the joining. Also in my family (sure, let's call it "culture") we only have a dinner for the bridge/groom's parents and siblings- nieces and nephews, etc. if there are any. And those are paid for by the couple or the parents or both.

[cmontario]

wow thats horrible

we invited many people to our wedding and they never gave us anything and these people were relatives but when we went to theirs many years before we gave something

[coupongirl99]

Putting that $20000-$30000 down on a house would be a MUCH wiser choice IMO than blowing it one a one time party because even though its a wedding, that's still what it is - a one time party whereas a house is something tangible you and your spouse will use every single day of your life together.