User Tag List

Page 2 of 22 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 12 ... LastLast
Results 16 to 30 of 319
Like Tree21Likes

Thread: Another Cheap Laugh Thread

  1. #16
    Smart Canuck monkeyincowtown's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Cowgary
    Posts
    2,500
    Likes Received
    168
    Trading Score
    112 (100%)



    Quote Originally Posted by Patty Smyth View Post
    Black Testicles <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>



    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, <o:p></o:p>


    wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still <o:p></o:p>


    heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical <o:p></o:p>


    procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a <o:p></o:p>


    partial sponge bath. <o:p></o:p>


    Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my <o:p></o:p>


    testicles black?' <o:p></o:p>


    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, <o:p></o:p>


    Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' <o:p></o:p>


    He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles <o:p></o:p>


    black?' <o:p></o:p>


    Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry <o:p></o:p>


    about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment <o:p></o:p>


    and sheepishly pulls back the covers. <o:p></o:p>


    She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and <o:p></o:p>


    his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them <o:p></o:p>


    around. <o:p></o:p>


    Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's <o:p></o:p>


    nothing wrong with them, Sir !!' <o:p></o:p>


    The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and <o:p></o:p>


    says very slowly, <o:p></o:p>


    'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen <o:p></o:p>


    very, very closely...... <o:p></o:p>


    ' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? <o:p></o:p>

    <o:p></o:p>

    Too funny!!!
    Win daily prizes worth $150 to $10000 sign up here!! I've won 3x $150 GCs since Jan.2012
    http://www.todaysdraw.com/?invite=5780

  2. #17
    * thecountess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    In a parallel universe
    Posts
    14,749
    Likes Received
    246
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Oh Patty. You kill me

  3. #18
    Mastermind Natalka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    SK
    Posts
    117,692
    Likes Received
    146458
    Trading Score
    29 (100%)




    Quote Originally Posted by DH666 View Post
    Do you know something ! don't? She's 3 feet away from me.
    Maybe it would have been more appropos of me to ask if she had been tippling?
    Funny stuff, Patty!

  4. #19
    Mastermind
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    32,871
    Likes Received
    21189
    Trading Score
    159 (100%)




    Quote Originally Posted by Natalka View Post
    Maybe it would have been more appropos of me to ask if she had been tippling?
    Funny stuff, Patty!
    Yup that Cherry Mountain Dew is powerful stuff.

    p.s. I confess I had to look up tippling, I had never heard that expression before. Weird eh?

  5. #20
    Smart Canuck bina's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    1,024
    Likes Received
    1
    Trading Score
    0 (0%)



    I belong to a medical forum and just had to share your "Black Testicles" joke with them...LOL
    Please have pets spayed and neutered.

  6. #21
    Mastermind
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    32,871
    Likes Received
    21189
    Trading Score
    159 (100%)




    <TABLE style="mso-cellspacing: 0cm; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 0cm 0cm" class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR style="mso-yfti-irow: 0; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes"><TD style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #ebe9ed; BORDER-LEFT: #ebe9ed; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; BORDER-TOP: #ebe9ed; BORDER-RIGHT: #ebe9ed; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" vAlign=top>
    HOW
    TO CALL THE POLICE
    <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

    <o:p></o:p>
    WHEN
    YOU'RE OLD
    <o:p></o:p>

    <o:p></o:p>
    AND
    DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
    <o:p></o:p>

    </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

    <o:p></o:p>


    George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.<o:p></o:p>
    George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

    He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

    He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

    Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

    George said, "Okay."

    He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

    Then he phoned the police again. <o:p></o:p>
    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.<o:p></o:p>


    Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.


    One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"


    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"<o:p></o:p>
    <o:p></o:p>
    <o:p></o:p>

  7. #22
    * thecountess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    In a parallel universe
    Posts
    14,749
    Likes Received
    246
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)






    Too funny!

  8. #23
    Canadian Genius DiamondLil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    New Brunswick
    Posts
    5,285
    Likes Received
    3560
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    The past is behind, learn from it.
    The future is ahead, prepare for it.
    The present is here, live it.

  9. #24
    Mastermind
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    32,871
    Likes Received
    21189
    Trading Score
    159 (100%)





    The Obedient Italian Wife
    <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
    <o:p></o:p>
    <o:p></o:p>

    There was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.


    Just before he died, he said to his Italian wife "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."


    So he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.


    Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, (what else), and her best friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"


    She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertaker locked the casket down and they rolled it away.


    So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."


    The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an Italian Catholic and I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in the casket with him."


    You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"


    "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."


    AMEN!




  10. #25
    MBMJ fan Philosykos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Wild Rose Country
    Posts
    930
    Likes Received
    3
    Trading Score
    14 (100%)



    (ROFL) more please !!

  11. #26
    Canadian Genius kazm-l's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Quebec/Ontario border!
    Posts
    9,606
    Likes Received
    503
    Trading Score
    69 (100%)




    OMGoodness...soo funny!
    Have just sent a few along to OH at work . Am sure he'll get a kick out of them!!

  12. #27
    Mastermind
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    32,871
    Likes Received
    21189
    Trading Score
    159 (100%)




    They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail


    I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back. Same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.


    They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail


    I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one- get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.


    They Walk Among Us!


    One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where?'




    They Walk Among Us!


    While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'


    They Walk Among Us!!


    I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'


    They Walk Among Us!


    My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.




    They Walk Among Us!


    My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.


    They Walk Among Us!


    I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'


    They Walk Among Us!

  13. #28
    Mastermind
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    32,871
    Likes Received
    21189
    Trading Score
    159 (100%)




    The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

    "Of course, my son," said the priest.

    "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

    "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

    "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

    "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

    "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

    "Of course, my son," said the priest.

    The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

  14. #29
    * thecountess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    In a parallel universe
    Posts
    14,749
    Likes Received
    246
    Trading Score
    9 (100%)




    Quote Originally Posted by Patty Smyth View Post
    They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
    I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back. Same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
    They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
    I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one- get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
    They Walk Among Us!
    One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where?'
    They Walk Among Us!
    While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'
    They Walk Among Us!!
    I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'
    They Walk Among Us!
    My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
    They Walk Among Us!
    My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
    They Walk Among Us!
    I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'
    They Walk Among Us!
    OMG these are too funny Patty....

    I honestly wonder how some people make it through each day...

    I am just shaking my head with astonishment and laughing

  15. #30
    heartgirl99 heartgirl99's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    498,173
    Likes Received
    221547
    Trading Score
    4 (100%)




    At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

Page 2 of 22 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 12 ... LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •