Any Caregivers to Elderly Parents out there?

[Skippy]

Well I'm over the half way mark and my nerves are fried. Too much worrying about what could go wrong-sigh!
I can deal with him in the day, but I fail miserably at 24/7.
My heart goes out to those of you who do this 24/7. God Bless you!

[VeeVee]

Hang in there Skippy, your doing the best you can, thats all anyone can do.

[coupon girl]

hang in there skippy -i know what it is like -with my mom living with us

[melodyagwu]

Skippy, I know what your going threw, at 10 I had to look after my quadapalegic***spelling, father, he had MS and my mother ran away because she couldnt deal with it anymore...I looked after him until he died in 2003, so about 15 years. and now Im a care Aid, I look after dementia/Alzheimers patients on a daily basis, so my whole life is looking after them..Its a heart breaking thing to watch for sure, and if you need any questions answered..I can try...hang in there

[ame555]

Hi Skippy,
I may be a little late to the discussion -- on a personal note I watched my parents go through this with their parents and now I'm getting to the stage with my mother in law. On a professional note - (you may already know all of this), there is a lot of community support programs...are you in Ontario? There are agencies geared to help do everything to help a person stay lving at home, and provide respite to caregivers.

Everything from help with grass cutting to drives to medical appointments to 14 day respite stays at nursing homes. Some have a cost, but a lot of the services are done by trained volunteers.

I won't write all the details here, but if you need anymore info and are in Ontario, I know the system inside/out.

Thinking of you...

[Skippy]

Updated Question in First Post.
Thans everyone.

[Patty Smyth]

Question - "How do you manage to do it and keep sane?"

Answer - I never said I was.

You have to establish what the "new normal" is for you. Throw out ideas of what should be and just focus on what it is. You have to park your humility at the door, do things you never thought, nor wanted, to do.

Remember one thing above all;

They did not choose to get ill, deep down they are humiliated, desperate, childlike, afraid. They are not doing this to make you angry or test your patience. It's not their fault. Much of what they do is out of fear. When I am at the end of my rope I try to remember this, someday it will be me and I would want someone as caring as I hope I am to my parents to be with me.

I am not perfect and neither are they.

Good luck

[coupon girl]

well said patty

[Lynn49]

I couldn't have said it better, Patty. We do get frustrated at being at someone's 'beck and call" 24/7, but like you, I tried to always remember that this wasn't my Mother's choice...to be helpless...she always had spirit, always kept busy, always walked faster than me...yet there she was, suffering through alzeimers.

At my age, I can't remember some words for things, some thoughts just scatter....and it scared the bejeegers out of me to think that I may be in that position one day. I hope my hubby and our DD will be by my side when things go from bad to worse, if they ever do. I know they will be...but I just hate the thought of her and him having to go through it with me.
I told them to put me in a home asap and just visit.
I don't want him to have the responsibiity or for her to put her life on hold, caring for me.....
Some days I just get so frightened thinking about it.....

[eriluo]

Caring for a child with special needs is a bit similar and since I am in the sandwich generation, I will have my folks to look after too probably within the next 10 years as well, since they are 75 and 72.

I keep it sane knowing that my son will always have to rely on someone, so why not better to rely on me, the woman who gave birth to him, as long as he can and the same goes for my folks, they gave birth and raised me, so I would in turn do the right thing by them and for them when the time comes.

You are only as good and as strong as where you came from and some day you'll have to rely on other people's kindness, so that's the mantra that keeps me going.

Hang in there Skippy!

[Skippy]

Not to be prejudice, but I wonder if it is easier for Women, because they are wired differently?
Once DW&DD come home the entire burden(for lack of a better word) will be shared.
I just didn't realise it would affect me, the way it has.

[Patty Smyth]

Not to be prejudice, but I wonder if it is easier for Women, because they are wired differently?
Once DW&DD come home the entire burden(for lack of a better word) will be shared.
I just didn't realise it would affect me, the way it has.

I would not say it is easier but I agree women are wired for it better. Most of the men I know in similar situations have turned the care over to 3rd party or the wives do it.

[Skippy]

Well the Dad isn't well at all today he'll maybe need to go to the hospital.
At this time all I can think of is my selfishness/resentment towards him
Please pray for this situation.

[Patty Smyth]

Well the Dad isn't well at all today he'll maybe need to go to the hospital.
At this time all I can think of is my selfishness/resentment towards him
Please pray for this situation.

I know how you feel. I struggle with the resentment all the time. Funny enough an elderly person once told me that since my parents raised me for all those years it was my turn to take care fo them. What I did not tell them was my parents both worked I was an only child and my mother was the least motherly domestic person I had ever known who did not cook nor clean and I had been doing it since I was 12 when my grandmother died.

Message to people and their free advice STFU.

I don't know what to tell you Skippy, try to work through it. I just keep thinking of my kids and how happy they are here and how disruptive it would be for them if I let my feelings rule. I may pay the price health wise in the end but they will be o.k.

[avoncallingu]

Skippy- My thoughts go out to you - and hugs - I hope you, yourself get some "help" in the form of a support group or counsellor - dig a big hole and put that guilt in it - -

I hope your father is comfortable - you have tried your best - and sometimes, we just have to hand things over to others to carry on - including the big guy up there!

The hospital staff will do their best, too.

Take care! I'm thinking about you. - We are literally about to go over and deal with my MIL who is in a care facility - try to put a little spark in her day - but then we can come home and know that she is in good, professional hands.