Have you ever suffered from depression?

[curt81]

My depression has gotten worse since I had my daughter, I stopped taking anti-depressants when I was 20 (took them ALL my teenage life & they made me aggressive, gain weight and worse.. ) my Dr. says I am not suffering from Post-Partum and stated it was S.A.D (it was Winter when I saw her last) it never stopped through spring, summer or now.. so it clearly isn't S.A.D.. it sucks most days I don't want to do anything, the only motivator I have most days is my two year old and knowing that she needs me.

This time of year sucks for me. October 3rd was a Thanksgiving dinner for us in 2003. My step-dad died that day, after he ate his last dinner ever..in our backyard right beside my Mom.. she was talking to him when he dropped, and that was it.. and to make it worse, it's the first year my dog (who was also my step-dads buddy too) passed away in February.. so it seems a little worse this year for me. I had her forever.. she went through a lot with me, my first break-up, high school graduation, College.. everything.. she was there for.

I try to get out of the house to do things but I have anxiety a lot of the time and I'm afraid to leave the house.. I don't know, it sounds crazy but it just really upsets me. As well as large social groups.. I find I try to avoid them.

If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here for you.

[IMLN]

Writing was my therapy among other things…

Knowing you’re not alone, talking about it, taking one day at the time and knowing people are there for you, even if you don’t care and don’t want to talk…

Here is my story, I hope by this I can help someone see light in this dark sickness…

My last pregnancy was a nightmare, I was diagnosed with diabetes and taught how to inject insulin and how to increase dosage. This was the beginning of my panic attacks, I simply could not auto medicate my self, stressing about it did not help either the more I stressed the more my sugar level would play tricks on me. One week of this and I ended up at my Dr in tears “ I can’t do this, I can’t control my sugar levels” I was put off work, given a therapeutic dose of celexa 10mg to calm me and was followed by the gestational diabetes association. About under control and less stress, ultrasounds reveled growth problem with my baby, his limbs were little shorter then normal. I underwent a series of testing at the genetic clinic at the children hospital for the reminder of my pregnancy. All that ended up being very stressful, but nothing at the end. The last 2 months I hade to go for some non stress test once a week at the hospital, that turned out to be everyday thing. I was having too many contractions. At some point the testing reveled that my son’s heat beat was decreasing badly under contractions. They kept me and did some testing again, with ultrasound they finally saw the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. 8 months pregnant they induced me, medical team in check ready to revive my boy. Unfortunately the induction was way to fast and no one was ready in 20 min to give birth to my baby. The nurse was completely panic and a code was given for any Dr to come and save the day, he finally arrived to grab baby boys head, thank god my son untangled himself and needed nothing else then a warm mommy to heat him up!! After a couple months, feeling ready, Dr said ok to getting off the meds. Baby boy doing good, having a little heart murmur but nothing we can do about. I was finally getting over how stressful my 4th pregnancy was.

My dad who didn’t yet met his last grand child (we live 2 hours apart) calls me up and in tears tells me he was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. (Same time Patrick Swazi and same type of cancer) I still at this day can’t forget the feeling my gut ripping like I lost a piece of my self that day… He was diagnosed in September, they tried operating him and chemo, to realize that his quality of life was too greatly affected and the treatment might just kill him faster. With in a month of going back and forth 4 hours drive with a 4 month old baby we decided to take dad home with us. With that I became his care giver, thank god I was on mat leave, he could not stay alone. Forgetting my self completely I was giving all my free time to dad and baby boy who I was still brest feeding at the time, running my house with 6 to 8 people to feed every night doing my best to live a normal life and being in complete denial about my father slowly dying. This lasted 6 months. Dad’s health was degrading; he ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks in March and was transferred to the palliative care unit where he died after 2 weeks.

Totally emptied out, it still took me 2 weeks before my crash I was busy with his belongings and paper work. One night my hubby came home from work and he found me in front of my bed sitting on the floor. I was trying to figure a way how to fit under it to hide (I have a Chinese type bed, very low of the ground, my cat barely fits) that day I was declared with a deep depression. I went into silence, total silence I only wanted to hide and I didn’t want to talk. My mom and older daughter along with hubby and in-laws help out with the small kids while I was in my bubble; by the time my meds finally worked took about 1 month. I was able to care for baby boy. My baby became some sort of safety net toward reality. My Dr encouraged me to seek help with therapy, at some point.

Listening to my Dr was the best ting I ever did. Where my dad died at the palliative center, they offer help one on one and a support group. They are the one that called me, I met this amazing woman who lived about the same thing as me and kept on telling me, what your feeling in ok, you should be pissed, be mad, be sad. You’re normal; she encouraged me all the way. When the group session was available I took part of it, it was the hardest ting to do “talk” I still did not want to talk, I would only engage in minimal conversations. On the other hand I found that writing was something that helped a lot. I tried many times to write about my story, this one but simply couldn’t, just too early. So I made one up, 1 page became 10, with in 2 months I wrote 200 and I hade a book. My fist sense of accomplishment, I was damn proud, still am!

I also seek help from a therapist out side the grieving group. I new something needed to be addressed but I didn’t know what. The first time I met her, I was unable to speak, I didn’t want to be there and told her so, I still did not want to talk. She said ok then, let me do the talking. And she asks questions I would only answer. Next thing I know we are talking about my book and I wont shut up!

Things started getting better for me when I started doing things for myself again. Little thing, take a bath (alone, no kids to save time) go shopping, take a walk but most of all for me was write…

It has been 3 years now my world started crumbling. I’m better then ever, I will never be the same. I still have guilt trips, but over all things are looking good!

I have since then, started another book. Helped others go trough grieving process and given relief to primary care giver in my community.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to be able to see it.

[Brandy Hunter]

It's nice to come in here and read the posts and know you're not alone. Even though you don't want someone to feel the way you do, if it just so happens, it's nice to know you're not insane, and your symptoms are real.

It's hard living in a world where there is such a stigma on depression and anxieties. "Don't listen to what they say" is the stupidest thing i've ever heard, and ironically my psychologists favorite phrase. What am I going to do, staple my ears shut?! How do I not hear something someone says, when they say it to me?

And where people pretend to know what you're going through, when they're not even in the same boat, they're not depressed, anxious.. and then they give you advice and you just want to yell at them that if they don't know how it is, they need to lay off the suggestions.

(Almost everyone seeing a doctor for their anxiety and depression that I know, their doctor suggested to go talk to a sales lady, go to a fast food restaurant, or go to customer service to return something. It's stupid, and doesn't help - I don't know what they're learning in school, but doing those never made me feel better?)

And when you have no one, and I mean NO ONE to talk to about it, or someone you trust.. that's a struggle. Of course I have Ashokia and we talk back and forth, but she's really the only one I can talk to.. which is sad because a month ago I had no one, my entire life, I had no one. When I get friends I trust, I spoil them, because I want to make them stay. When my Dad passed away I was given a little chunk of money, and I gave a friend 2,000$ to shop with me. She returned everything when we were done to spend how she pleased, and now no longer talks to me since my money had ran out.

[curt81]

I'm here if you ever want to talk. True friends are there for you, not cause of money, so be glad she doesn't talk to you any longer. You deserve better than that.

[Brandy Hunter]

Thanks. Yeah, I am glad but sometimes I kind of miss her, if that makes sense, I mean I knew her for 11 years before this happened (since we were 4) but I wont let myself get in contact with her.

[dch]

My mom is still convinced my anxiety is "all in my head" I wish for one day she could feel this feeling - it's such a hopeless and scary feeling sometimes. Its gotten worse at night to the point I need to fall asleep with the tv on - but it just makes it worse for when I wake up it seems now :s I wish brains had off buttons sometimes

[dch]

If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here for you.

Thank you! It works both ways

[curt81]

...

[IMLN]

Sad to think that most people dont understand this sickness, they think you need a good kick in the but to get over it... To most i dont even bother to reply to explane, they are not worthh my time. To those i love i say: When your world falls apart and you hit rock bottom, I will be there for you!

[Andit]

One of my best friends was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago (lost 40lbs in 2 months, all tests came back clear, so depression was the doctor's diagnosis). Looking back, D thinks it was always there, but because of a high pressure job & a fast paced lifestyle, it was suppressed. D had to give up a good job to stay home & take care of an elderly, disabled parent, so now there's an added financial pressure to deal with.

We spend hours on the phone each night & D says it helps. I try to go out for a visit as often as I can (every couple of weeks - even though we're in the same city, my health doesn't always cooperate & it's not always easy to do ). I feel frustrated that I cannot do more to help.

My question to everyone here - what can I do to help my friend? Is there anything you would want a friend to do to help you?

& if anyone needs someone to talk to, feel free to pm me. I don't truly understand depression (it's one of the few health issues I don't have), but I can sympathize.

[curt81]

One of my best friends was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago (lost 40lbs in 2 months, all tests came back clear, so depression was the doctor's diagnosis). Looking back, D thinks it was always there, but because of a high pressure job & a fast paced lifestyle, it was suppressed. D had to give up a good job to stay home & take care of an elderly, disabled parent, so now there's an added financial pressure to deal with.

We spend hours on the phone each night & D says it helps. I try to go out for a visit as often as I can (every couple of weeks - even though we're in the same city, my health doesn't always cooperate & it's not always easy to do ). I feel frustrated that I cannot do more to help.

My question to everyone here - what can I do to help my friend? Is there anything you would want a friend to do to help you?

& if anyone needs someone to talk to, feel free to pm me. I don't truly understand depression (it's one of the few health issues I don't have), but I can sympathize.

Being there for your friend is really all you can do. You are showing you care by talking on the phone every night and spending time with her when you can and that's what someone who is depressed needs - someone who cares. I'm sure she greatly appreciates your friendship.

[Skippy]

Does anyone else sweat profusely when they take them?

[IMLN]

OMG!! Complete hell over the summer, i hade to get off the welbutrin, cuz of heat, sweat, itchyness.... Felt much better once he med were out of my system! Still hot with the celexa but not nearly as much!

[WandaJean]

I think everyone suffers from depression..most though will not seek help..which is sad because depression is not a bad thng, if we didn't feel depressed at some point in our lives..well we wouldn't be human.
How you cope with depression though is the key...some people can deal with it/brush it off, others need medication.I myself take meds for GAD. I am not ashamed of it, I cope with it, I deal with it and I do not let it affect my life or decisions I make, so anyone that is depressed,has stress, anxiety, etc..remember this..you are only human and all of these are emtions we all go through, beleive it or not..when I am feeling down, I do member contests..its a "pick me up"

[WandaJean]

OMG!! Complete hell over the summer, i hade to get off the welbutrin, cuz of heat, sweat, itchyness.... Felt much better once he med were out of my system! Still hot with the celexa but not nearly as much!

oh wow..I was given welbutrin to help quit smoking, same as zyban, and the bottom of my feet and plams were sooooo itchy it drove me nuts, also was having nightmares(when I was able to sleep) my doctor took me off, it was too bad though I was hoping it would aid me in quitting smoking.
my BFF is on it for depression and she has no side effects at all.