Baby #2.. How long do you wait?

[MercyEhm]

My son is almost 6mo and I'm going to be 36 in October. I've been weighing the pros and cons of when I should start working on baby #2. Do I go back to back and have them a year or so apart? Do I wait until he's out of diapers? It's starting to drive me crazy.

What were your pros about having them close together?

What were your cons?

If you were to do it over... would you have them close together or would you find it easier to have waited a little longer? If so, how long would you have waited?

Thanks for your feedback

[papillon]

I don't have kids, but I can say that I wish my siblings and I were closer in age. My bro is 3 yrs older and sis is 4 yrs younger. They are 7 years apart!

[Littlemoe0]

There is 2 years betwen my two, not planned, but like you was getting into my middle 30's and a bit concerned. They are good together at that age difference, but like papillion, my bro and I are years apart, almost 7, and growing up was rough but now no problem cause he's still like a little kid. With the 2 years, I found it was a bit easier, the oldest was able to understand and help out a bit, but it may be easier for you if they were alittle closer in age, and if you were to get pregnant in the next couple months, that would be about the age difference anyways, 1.5-2 years.

Overall, it's up to you. I think everyone has there own reasons, and circumstances, and sometimes not planned happens, wishing you the best on a little bundle of joy.

[Sneha2008]

I would say the best is to have them sooner than later. If u have them one after another yes it is more expensive but you will raise them together which is easier. The older we get we don't know what will happen so the sooner the better I think. 1-2 years apart is good. Wishing u all the best for ur second bundle of joy

[Sharpie]

I got pregnant with the second baby when my first was 7 months old! its not easy now but it should be later on. They are 2.2 yrs and 10 months old

[MercyEhm]

The general consensus I seem to be getting from everyone is sooner is somewhat easier. You're still used to the diapers/wakings etc and haven't disposed of all the toys LOL. My brother and I are less than 2yrs apart and fought like cats and dogs until I left for college (lil sucker suddenly missed me HA!) His kids are 3yrs apart and I find that somewhat difficult. He wants to do family activities but what can you do with a 6yro that's also plausible for the 3yro and vice versa. If they're closer in age the activities are easier to plan, the vacations are easier to take etc...

As far as cost, maybe I should move out west so I can stack my diapers/wipes at LD. (I'm so very jealous of stackers)

Once they start to walk confidently they can help fetch a diaper, bath towel etc and it allows them to feel involve in caring for the newborn. The younger they are the less they'd remember being an only child so I'm thinking the jealousy issues wouldn't surface. Right?

[amandamck]

I had my DS when I was 30 and wanted my kids to be 4 years apart like my sis and I cause we always got along so great. My DS came first try, it took 6 years for my DD to come along. We had to endure 2 miscarriages and one surgery to get her. At your age I wouldn't wait. Unfortunatly the amount of eggs decreases every year and the rise of Down Syndrome increases. Totally not trying to scare you, my DD is bright and healthy but it is something you have to think of when your over 35. Good luck

[MercyEhm]

I had my DS when I was 30 and wanted my kids to be 4 years apart like my sis and I cause we always got along so great. My DS came first try, it took 6 years for my DD to come along. We had to endure 2 miscarriages and one surgery to get her. At your age I wouldn't wait. Unfortunatly the amount of eggs decreases every year and the rise of Down Syndrome increases. Totally not trying to scare you, my DD is bright and healthy but it is something you have to think of when your over 35. Good luck

Oh I know. I'm well versed on the medical side of it and although I know it's something I need to consider, it's the least of my concerns. I can only control what I can control you know? There's no downs in either of our genetic profiles so thank god for that and neither of us carry a recessive gene therefore our odds of carrying a child with downs is 0.01%. *knock on wood* We had our genetic profiles done when my friend was doing his thesis/Doc's degree in genetics. (I wouldn't have been able to actually afford it if we had to pay for it)

I'm a lot more worried about being able to hack it. My son is a textbook baby. Slept through the night (10hrs) by the time he was 8wks old, never EVER had colic or tummy troubles, he doesn't cry unless there's a real reason for him to, he plays independently and never fusses. He eats well and is thriving (he's a tank! All muscle too it's scary) Everyone tells me if the 1st one is easy, the second will be teh devil's spawn lol and I believe it to the core. My Bro's kids... #1 TEXTBOOK Angel... #2? I love her but damn me all to hell if I have to babysit her for more than 2hrs. (yup, it's official, I'm going to hell for admitting that one)

[papillon]

The general consensus I seem to be getting from everyone is sooner is somewhat easier. You're still used to the diapers/wakings etc and haven't disposed of all the toys LOL. My brother and I are less than 2yrs apart and fought like cats and dogs until I left for college (lil sucker suddenly missed me HA!) His kids are 3yrs apart and I find that somewhat difficult. He wants to do family activities but what can you do with a 6yro that's also plausible for the 3yro and vice versa. If they're closer in age the activities are easier to plan, the vacations are easier to take etc...

As far as cost, maybe I should move out west so I can stack my diapers/wipes at LD. (I'm so very jealous of stackers)

Once they start to walk confidently they can help fetch a diaper, bath towel etc and it allows them to feel involve in caring for the newborn. The younger they are the less they'd remember being an only child so I'm thinking the jealousy issues wouldn't surface. Right?

Yeah now go have fun and make a baby!

[khipson]

Ours are just around 2.5 years apart and it's been good. Even a little closer would be all right. I think I would have been a little more overwhelmed to have them REALLY close together - at this difference, I had the first one walking, talking and feeding herself before I brought a new baby into the mix. We had zero jealousy - but that will depend on you, not just on the ages of the kids. If you make sure to involve the older child and still give them special time, the jealousy monster won't rear its ugly head so much.

Closer is better than farther, from what I'm told and have seen - in DH's family the kids are separated by five years or more, and it was hard for them growing up because they didn't really get to know each other.

[Natalka]

We only have one... and are totally grateful to have him!

I have five siblings, the first five of us are about three years apart. I think that's too much, actually. We weren't close til we were adults...

My two oldest sisters each have three, within 18 months to two years. Growing up, the kids were really close (one set was three boys, the other had a girl and two boys) - but where I see the amazingness now is that they are grown and totally BEST of friends - it's really special. Now they are having their own children - and they have all had children within two years of each other.

I think it's good to have the older one out of diapers, so 18 months to two years is just right because a child will be trained totally by two.

BUT it's up to you and your husband - you know the life you lead, decisions like whether you going to be a SAHM or go out and work, are you ready to handle a toddler and a baby with the support system you have in place, etc.

Another thing to consider is - not to be a downer - what if you have secondary infertility... it does happen, and you may not get pregnant exactly when you hope/plan for.
That's what happened to us - we had our son when I was 30, totally hoped/wanted more children, but it just was not to be.

[2010ontest]

For me, 2 or 2 1/2 years is the best...

My DDs have 2 years and 8 month of difference and this is just the border line because at school they are 3 yrs diffrence. Also my fisrt DD was having no diaper at all (day and night) since close to 8 month when we had DD#2... I found it very hard to return with diaper!!! So for DS#1 and DS#2 we didn't wait a lot!!!

Now we have 4 kids, 1-3-5-8 years and I found it not to bad
Kids entertained themselve together!!!

Also I return to work after each baby when they were 7-9 month and my husband take the other part of the "parental leaving". This is the first time I stay at home all the "maternity/parental leave" and I will stay at home until my 2 DSs will be at school. I remember when we where at 3 kids, both working and my 1st DD start school and 2 kids at day care and me pregnant... It was a 12 month crazy!!!

[2010ontest]

other thing...

baby #2 (girl) and baby #3 (boy) are 20 month different and they are all the time in competition for all and nothing!!! Bur when they realy play together this is wonderful!!!

[scbpooh]

I dont really know what its like to be that close in age with someone. My siblings and I are: Bro-20 Sis-23 and myself 29. My kids are soon to be 13 and 3,so we are all very spread out! Even hubby has 2/12 yrs on his 1 brother and the baby brother is 6-7 years younger than him.

[lmack30]

I have three kids. They are 6, 2 and 10 months.


My first two are 4 yrs apart and the second two are only 21 months apart. If I were to do it all over again, I would have had the first two closer together. The 4 yr age difference is causing some problems right now. My DD (6) sees her brother (2) as extremely annoying and all he wants to do is play with her

Go with your heart and decide what is right for you. Good luck and have fun trying