How to announce a pregnancy to friends and loved ones?

[glowworm2k]

Hi Everyone,

In the next few weeks, I'll be telling my family that my DH and I are expecting our first baby! It's exciting, but also nerve-racking as many of you on here know that family for me is, at the best of times, a very touchy issue.... and at the worst of times, it's a little worse than watching a train wreck. My Grandma will be finding out this weekend as I'm going to visit her and the giant boobs, extreme fatigue and food aversions are rather tell-tale For my parents and DH's parents, though, we are waiting a few more weeks until we're officially at the end of the first trimester. Unfortunately, the idea that folks will just be happy for us might not be in the cards. I know that I need to tell my parents in close succession (they're divorced) as they still have many mutual friends and live in a small town. Beyond that, I'd love some ideas about how to tell family (besides just saying, "Surprise!"), especially as I'm expecting some negative reactions (I'm not 100% done school yet; nobody knew we were trying; we never officially tied the knot, plain old family politics, etc. etc.)

What would you suggest? How did you share your big news??

[glowworm2k]

I almost forgot: just for fun, here's how I told my DH that it was official (he had already guessed over a week before as my symptoms were early and brutal):

[ninna]

Wow! Congratulations!

With our first, we went out for Sunday breakfast with the in-law parents and told them at that time. Sunday breakfast was a regular thing for the four of us to do anyways. My in-laws were ecstatic because they'd been nagging us for years to have children.

With my folks, we went out to their house for a visit, sat them down at the table and announced it to them. Nothing fancy. But with my family it was very worrisome to me because my parents are VERY Catholic and I became pregnant when I wasn't married so I was really worried how they'd respond. I actually figured they would disown me. My mom basically ignored the announcement which was very very weird...but we learned later that her odd behaviour was the result of an illness. My dad was so friggen excited at the news that he couldn't stop smiling. (Thank god!). So the announcement went better than I had expected it could.

My niece recently had her first baby. She went to the store and bought a card for "Grandpa" and signed it from her and her partner then handed it to my brother during a visit at their house. He didn't speak a word for several hours apparently, so that was nerve wracking for her, I think.

However you do it and however they respond, a big congratulations to you! You are entering a most memorable time in your life and I wish you all the best! Children are such a blessing, a privilege, and a gift!

[marstec]

Congratulations, glowworm! We never told anyone until after the first trimester. I would just tell them and leave it at that. If they have any problems with it, then they have to deal with it. Don't take any of their negativity personally. Enjoy this time, and most importantly, take care of yourself and baby.

[matrix82]

Congrats.

[Zonny]

Congrats Glowworm! I don't have good ideas on how to tell when there's family issues, but still really happy for you!

I remember telling my MIL on the phone. She had seven grandchildren at that time, the youngest one was 17 (DH is the baby of the family, about 12 years between him and his next sibling - the oldest is 25 years older). We'd been married a couple of years and I guess I expected her to be at least a bit excited. But the first words out of her mouth were, "Was it planned?" Talk about bursting my bubble!

[lekate]

awww congrats! I haven't had children, so I don't know how. For friends and acquaintances FB seems to be the go to. For extended family, maybe an email (that's how I found out about my cousin's engagement before she posted it on FB).

[KK7]

Congrats gloworm.....I think the best way to handle it is to just to tell them that it maybe unexpected but it is something you and your bf/dh are looking forward to and you hope that they will share your joy. I think if there is any negative you just have to chanel into happy thoughts about you and your family meaning you bf/dh and the little bundle of joy. As the saying goes you can't let anyone take away your happiness and having a baby is full of happiness!!! Best of Luck!

[Minou]

With our first, we took the grandparents picture frames -- for pictures of their FAVOURITE grandchild.

With the second, we dropped the news casually in conversation and let people do a double take... With my brother, it was when he had come to see our new house. "Here's the main floor bathroom, and here's the baby's room..."

[Jnazurk]

I know people that have had flowers sent to family members who don't live near them and they aren't that close-like "SURPRISE! congrats grandma" type of deal. Gets the message across, seems like you tried to make a big deal out of it with them and best of all, you won't need to know their reaction because you won't be there ! If they are excited, they'll call and if they want to be jerks, they won't.

Oh and for how we told- it was VERY early for me and we happened to be visiting his family when I peed on the stick. Hubby was dying to tell them and I didn't want to (first pregnancy and I hadn't even seen a doc yet). Since it was an across the country visit I let him, but I called my mom first because I wanted her to know first. His mom passed away shortly after that (unexpected) so its good it turned out the way it did. We his on by getting a grandma picture frame and a onsie (you can get ones that are family specific, like my grandma loves me)

[francine1985]

with both kids I told my mom as soon as i found out and told my dad soon after that.

however with ds#1 it was the first time i was meeting dh's family and we went up to visit them and tell them in person. it was kind of a neutral reaction. they just said well these things happen. (not too bad since dh was worried they might be upset since they had never even met me before.)

with ds#2 we were supposed to go up and tell them in person again however the acadian busses went on strike and we had no way up there. when the buses were still on strike at the end of the year we decided that we woud tell them over the phone on christmas. (not sure how that went since i wasn't talking to them on the phone dh was)

[Darth Penguin]

Congratulations.....

For DD1, we were going to tell mainly my family and friends the day the Diana, Princess of Wales died by not wearing a seat-belt. We were at a Naming Ceremony for our Special Children so it seemed apprioate to announce that day. We decided not to as I didn't want to continually telling people I wasn't naming a girl Diana....

we told people the next week-end instead. Though most of th epeople who were there had worked out Mr Penguin and I's little smirks. In fact I got home to over 10 messages asking me out-right...

For DD2 we just either phoned or e-mailed depending on how close we were.

[glowworm2k]

Thanks for the great ideas, everyone! I try not to let family stuff get to me too much, but am understandably a little emotional lately so I'm probably over-worrying and over-thinking this all too much.

Ninna, I hope that my experience ends up being an unexpected positive one like you had! That would totally make my day

Zonny, what you experienced is more or less what I expect from family. I think my Dad will be happy but his wife (a verbally-abusive alcoholic who had fertility issues and is very bitter about it) might do something nasty.... I am thinking of trying to tell him privately without her around and then telling them both together with DH there so that she hopefully will cave to the social pressure to be nice instead of nasty :/

I really like a lot of these ideas, and I think the idea of sending flowers and cards for far-flung family is a lot more personal than the standard facebook/email "hey, I'm pregnant" announcement" (esp. as I'm not a big fb user). It's also a big of a big bomb of an announcement as neither DH nor I have any nieces or nephews so it'll be a big, big deal (whether in a good or bad way) for our parents, grandparents and other extended family.

[Natalka]

Congrats, I'm so happy for you!

I love the cake!

We were married two years before I got pregnant, so we had been already dealing with all the questions (aren't you pregnant YET? gah!).

We called my mom to stop over at lunch the day we knew officially (home test was positive, doc's was negative, so had to do a blood test), she was thrilled! I was her fourth daughter, and she was just glad all her girls were going to be moms.
For siblings, I called the two I am closest to, the others found out from them or whoever.
For my husband's side, we told his brother who lived in our city, right away; the others who are far away and in Europe just whenever we contacted them next - some didn't know til the baby was born.

As for when and how you do it, only you know the family dynamics, and I'm sorry they aren't all wonderful... but your own family comes first, and your own wellbeing, so do what gives you the least stress!

[Lynn49]

Oh CONGRATULATIONS, Hon!!!! How absolutely wonderful!!!!

I remember when our DD and her DH came over, just casually, one Saturday afternoon...we had lunch, and I KNEW something was up but heaven knows what it was...they just seemed giggly to themselves...when we took our coffee into the livingroom and sat down, she just said..."Soooo...we're expecting...." OMG! LOL!! I nearly had coffee all over the place! It was exciting and frightening at the same time....so many thoughts rushing into my wee brain....will she be okay? Will he be a good daddy? etc, etc! Well, everything was and is wonderful with them and our little almost 4-year old grandson and I still remember the day so well!

Have you seen the commercial on tv, oh, a few years ago, maybe, where the couple takes their parents to A&W and order a Grandpa and Grandma burger for them? I thought that was so funny!

Like Natalka said...only you know your family dynamics, and how you feel you should go about telling everyone...But Hon...this is between YOU and your BF...you two are responsible for your own happiness and no one can take that away from you! Don't give anyone that power....! How absolutely, fantastically wonderful!!!!!!