All Purpose Rant Away Thread - 3.2.1 GO!

[lecale]

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[beachdown]

You've added a lot of intelligent and more valid points to the matter being discussed. Serious health issues is one thing, but someone willy nilly just not looking after themselves i.e self inflicting and expecting to live off the laurels of "love" / "care", is just taking the piss. I am NOT their parent, and they should take ownership as an adult to be self sufficient. A lot of people get married / get into relationship for obvious reasons which become apparent when you discuss matters like this.....to take advantage of someone else, because on their own they can't get what they want.

I respect your views and thoughts completely, but, let me use this as an example:

If your with someone who is a drug addict, and, you have a child with them, and they are doing drugs in the house, were your child can easily get a hold of the drugs they are using and could maybe ingest it by accident. Or you can not have your partner watch your child because they are under the influence all the time and you have tried getting them help a million times, and, they don't want to go, or don't want to help themselves then you think that would be ok to have yourself and your child in that environment? The environment your partner has created. You have the right to leave and go to a safe environment for yourself and your child. You can still help your partner, but, you do not have to be in that environment to help them as well.

Also, let's say your partner is using heroin and is using dirty needles that have been used by others. You have an intimate relationship with them, and, you get something like AIDS/HIV because of that. Is that fair to you? No, not at all. All I am saying is that people have the right to be in safe environment at all times emotionally and physically. You can still help your partner, but, also in the process protect yourself.

[saveadollardiva]

Well those are hugely bad life choices...and people don't suddenly become addicts from one day to the next. You have to have allowed a certain amount of behaviour to begin with. Kinda have to nip these problems in the bud and not let them blow up into huge issues - which I agree, would be grounds to send your ex-partner packing.

It's hard in the case of a child, though. You are legally connected to that person for the rest of your life through that child. I think you would have to intervene and lobby for help regardless of how much you hated the person. Otherwise it's always going to come back on you and the kids. (Of course get them out of the house first...)

I agree, but, you would be surprised how quick people do become addicts, I know, because I have seen it happen. Of course if you have a child together I would think you would want more than ever to help your partner, to get healthy, because it is your child's other parent. I think hate is a very strong word, i think once you have a child with someone you can not really hate them, b/c your child is half of them, and, if you hate them, it's like your hating your child. You can be disappointed in them in regards to things they do and say, but me personally, I could never hate my DH If I had a child with him. But that is just me. Yes, you will legally be bounded by that child together for the rest of your lives, but, you have the right to live your life in a healthy way, and also provided your child with a healthy life. Even if their other parent is not. This is a really bad case I used an example of. But it all depends on the situation and issues facing the couple.

[beachdown]

@saveadollardiva .....you said this (your quote is broken, so I had to copy)

if your giving 110% into a relationship and the other person is only putting in like 50% or is added things into the relationship that are not healthy for either party, then, sometimes a partner needs to look at the other partners actions and either work with there partner to better them, or, in some cases some people may leave the relationship/friendship because they do not agree with what the other person is doing or not putting the effort needed.

This is exactly it. I divorced my ex (yes I was the applicant) after having many discussions on efforts being put into the relationship, mishandling of joint accounts, and unhealthy lifestyle (I didn't want to have to be looking after a slob because they've chosen to be that way). So yes, I will do it again if I have to. Everyone with bad habits always has an excuse, birds of the same feather will always stick together.

[saveadollardiva]

You've added a lot of intelligent and more valid points to the matter being discussed. Serious health issues is one thing, but someone willy nilly just not looking after themselves i.e self inflicting and expecting to live off the laurels of "love" / "care", is just taking the piss. I am NOT their parent, and they should take ownership as an adult to be self sufficient. A lot of people get married / get into relationship for obvious reasons which become apparent when you discuss matters like this.....to take advantage of someone else, because on their own they can't get what they want.

I agree, but, I also think we all at some point have taken advantage of our partners to get what we want. I think we innocently do this, of course I don't think on purpose for most of us. But you are right, their our people who do take advantage of their partners because they feel their partners will always be there for them to take care of them. I depends on each situation and each relationship. But, I do feel it may take some people a bit longer to have that "light bulb" moment when they realize that by them taking advantage of their partner it could effect their relationship in the wrong way.

[lecale]

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[beachdown]

True...but not all "advantages" are created equal, and if someone is constantly doing it, then am not going to sign up for that. This applies to dating also, don't expect me to pay for you on a meet n greet or even a 1st date. You will be surprised at the amount of people out there that have turne dit into a weekly out to have someone else pay for their meal. I constantly listen to guys who hand over their pay cheques to their spouse and GFs

I agree, but, I also think we all at some point have taken advantage of our partners to get what we want. I think we innocently do this, of course I don't think on purpose for most of us. But you are right, their our people who do take advantage of their partners because they feel their partners will always be there for them to take care of them. I depends on each situation and each relationship. But, I do feel it may take some people a bit longer to have that "light bulb" moment when they realize that by them taking advantage of their partner it could effect their relationship in the wrong way.

[saveadollardiva]

@saveadollardiva .....you said this (your quote is broken, so I had to copy)

This is exactly it. I divorced my ex (yes I was the applicant) after having many discussions on efforts being put into the relationship, mishandling of joint accounts, and unhealthy lifestyle (I didn't want to have to be looking after a slob because they've chosen to be that way). So yes, I will do it again if I have to. Everyone with bad habits always has an excuse, birds of the same feather will always stick together.

I understand were you are coming from and if you are confident that was the best choice for you then that is great. But, that was the way you chose to deal with your situation. I am saying every person is different. For an example, some people prefer to work it out or look to help from professional to assist them. And that is fine too. Every couple is different.

[saveadollardiva]

True...but not all "advantages" are created equal, and if someone is constantly doing it, then am not going to sign up for that. This applies to dating also, don't expect me to pay for you on a meet n greet or even a 1st date. You will be surprised at the amount of people out there that have turne dit into a weekly out to have someone else pay for their meal. I constantly listen to guys who hand over their pay cheques to their spouse and GFs

There are many women out there that will pay for their share on a first date or or even pay for the meal on the first date. That's why I think it is always good to be very open with the person your with. Let them know your do's and dont's. There is nothing wrong with telling someone your deal breakers. In regards to men giving their partners their pay checks that is something that has nothing to do with their partners I feel. Each person is responsible for their own actions as to what they do and don't do. I hate to be mean, but, if their stupid enough to do it, then that is there fault. Of course no one should be taken advantage of to get their money, as, that is wrong, but if a woman you were dating happened to give you her pay check because she wanted to, would you stop her? LOL. I don't think you would lol. Just Joking.

[saveadollardiva]

I think you have to lead by example and help the other to follow your lead at times. Some people are shocked to find themselves in the position of leader and they can't do it. They can yell at the other, but they can't lead them to a better life. Carrots and sticks, you have to draw people along with a carrot, not beat them from behind with a stick, sometimes. If all you have is a stick, all you can do is beat someone down into the ground, and no one gets anywhere.

I agree completely, I am not saying to not lead by example and not help the person as best you can. But, you also have to let that person take the lead as well. And when they don't take that lead it can be frustrating.

[thriftygranny]

Well I guess I have to cut all ties with my oldest daughter, she has thyroid issues and is overweight, guess my other daughter too because she does smoke occasionally. Well my Christmas list just got shorter, but I am still positioned firmly on my arrogant soap box. Think I'll run a marathon now.

[Frugalbigmama]

wanting ice cream from DQ, however they are closed here for the season.

Ours did that too years ago but now they are open year round.

[saundyl]

Ours did that too years ago but now they are open year round.

I wish we had a dq!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[saveadollardiva]

Well I guess I have to cut all ties with my oldest daughter, she has thyroid issues and is overweight, guess my other daughter too because she does smoke occasionally. Well my Christmas list just got shorter, but I am still positioned firmly on my arrogant soap box. Think I'll run a marathon now.

I don't think beachdown was talking about people who have thyroid issues or who smoke on the occasion. I think we was talking about people who live a life style that is unhealthy to the point were it extremely effects the other person emotionally and physically. I don't think your daughter having an thyroid issue and smoking on the occasion should effect your relationship with her or anyone else for that matter. And again, each person and situation is different.

[saveadollardiva]

I wish we had a dq!

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Me too!