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Thread: Another Cheap Laugh Thread

  1. #136
    . DH666's Avatar
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    What's the difference between kinky an perverted?



    Kinky is using a feather to tickle your partner's ass.





    Perverted is using the whole chicken.

  2. #137
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    Whoa !!! I'm not coming to bed now!

  3. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patty Smyth View Post
    Whoa !!! I'm not coming to bed now!
    I only have a feather or two. The chicken was lunch.

  4. #139
    Mastermind Natalka's Avatar
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    CAR TROUBLE

    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

    She says, 'What's the story?'
    He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'

    She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

  5. #140
    Mastermind Natalka's Avatar
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    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'

    She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

  6. #141
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    LMAO this thread should be a sticky!

  7. #142
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    He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
    I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?
    <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
    He said to me . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
    I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but
    fart<o:p></o:p>
    He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
    I said to him . .....
    Turn sideways and look in the mirror!<o:p></o:p>
    He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
    I said to him .. . They don't have time
    <o:p></o:p>
    He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.
    <o:p></o:p>
    He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
    I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
    <o:p></o:p>
    He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
    I said. . . A widow.


    He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
    I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


  8. #143
    Community Helper VeeVee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patty Smyth View Post
    He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
    I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?
    <o:p></o:p>
    He said to me . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
    I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but
    fart<o:p></o:p>
    He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
    I said to him . .....
    Turn sideways and look in the mirror!<o:p></o:p>
    He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
    I said to him .. . They don't have time
    <o:p></o:p>
    He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.
    <o:p></o:p>
    He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
    I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
    <o:p></o:p>
    He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
    I said. . . A widow.


    He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
    I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

    Bahahahhaah this was hilarious!!!!

  9. #144
    Smart Canuck Turkish_DeLight's Avatar
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    <TABLE class=joke><TBODY><TR><TD>Two statues </TD></TR><TR><TD>Two statues are standing in a park, they have been there for years naked staring at eachother. One day God comes down and brings them to life.

    "You both may live for 1 hour to do whatever it is you plaese."

    The male statue looks at the female one and asks, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?".
    "I sure am.", she replies with a smile.

    With that they run off into the trees nearby. 30 minutes pass and they both emerge from the wood sweaty, panting, and laughing.

    The male statues looks up and asks, "Want to do it again?".
    She looks at him smiles and says, "Sure do, but this time you hold the pidgeons down and I'll s**t on 'em!"
    </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

  10. #145
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    Poor guy






    <!-- google_ad_section_start -->A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

    "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

  11. #146
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    AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION:



    'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
    The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'


    'Yes, Father, it is.'
    'And who was the girl you were with?'
    'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
    Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell let me know. Was it Tina Minetti?'


    'I cannot say.'
    'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'


    'I'll never tell.'
    'Was it Nina Capelli?'


    'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
    'Was it Cathy Piriano?'


    'My lips are sealed.'
    'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'


    'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
    The priest sighs in frustration.


    'You're very tight lipped, and I admire
    that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

    Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
    whispers, 'What'd you get?'

    'Four months vacation and five good leads.
    Last edited by mydusty; Fri, Nov 6th, 2009 at 11:30 AM.

  12. #147
    Mastermind Natalka's Avatar
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    Oh, sheesh!!!

  13. #148
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    <TABLE style="mso-cellspacing: 0cm; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 0cm 0cm" class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR style="mso-yfti-irow: 0; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes"><TD style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" vAlign=top>She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?'
    'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
    * * * * * * * * * * * <?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 stroked="f" filled="f" path="[email protected]@[email protected]@[email protected]@[email protected]@5xe" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" coordsize="21600,21600"><v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><v:path o:connecttype="rect" gradientshapeok="t" o:extrusionok="f"></v:path><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"></o:lock></v:shapetype><v:shape style="WIDTH: 225pt; HEIGHT: 120pt" id=_x0000_i1025 alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="cid:[email protected] nPC" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\HP_ADM~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01 \clip_image001.jpg"></v:imagedata></v:shape>
    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
    'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
    'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
    * * * * * * * * * * * <v:shape style="WIDTH: 225pt; HEIGHT: 120pt" id=_x0000_i1026 alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="cid:[email protected] nPC" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\HP_ADM~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01 \clip_image001.jpg"></v:imagedata></v:shape>
    The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
    * * * * * * * * * * *<v:shape style="WIDTH: 225pt; HEIGHT: 120pt" id=_x0000_i1027 alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"> <v:imagedata o:href="cid:[email protected] nPC" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\HP_ADM~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01 \clip_image001.jpg"></v:imagedata></v:shape>
    Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
    One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
    'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.
    Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
    (this is my favorite)
    * * * * * * * * * * *<v:shape style="WIDTH: 225pt; HEIGHT: 120pt" id=_x0000_i1028 alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"> <v:imagedata o:href="cid:[email protected] nPC" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\HP_ADM~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01 \clip_image001.jpg"></v:imagedata></v:shape>
    Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
    He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.. After a few minutes,
    Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
    His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
    Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ...'
    * * * * * * * * * * *<v:shape style="WIDTH: 225pt; HEIGHT: 120pt" id=_x0000_i1029 alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"> <v:imagedata o:href="cid:[email protected] nPC" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\HP_ADM~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01 \clip_image001.jpg"></v:imagedata></v:shape>

    </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

  14. #149
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    OMG! This thread gave me the best laugh I've had in awhile!

  15. #150
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    Top nine reasons computers must be male:


    1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
    2. A better model is always just around the corner.
    3. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
    4. It is always necessary to have a backup.
    5. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
    6. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
    7. The lights are on but nobody's home.
    8. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
    9. Size does matter
    Top nine reasons computers must be female:


    1. Picky, picky, picky.
    2. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
    3. Beauty is only shell deep.
    4. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
    5. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
    6. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
    7. Smalltalk is important.
    8. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
    9. They make you take the garbage out.

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