A little early to be teaching "that" isnt it??

[JennyFromTheRock]

So my daughter is 9 and in Grade 4. A few weeks ago they had a letter come home for us to sign saying that they would be covering "adolescence" in their health class. The letter went on to say that they would be learning about the changes to expect in their bodies over the coming years with puberty. They told us that the boys would be in one class, the girls in another, each learning about the changes that would be happening to their gender.

I thought, it maybe a little early, but I suppose if they feel its a good time to teach it then ok. There was a permission slip to sign, which we did, thinking that our daughter would learn the basic changes she go through when she reaches her teens.

So my daughter comes home having had this class. She comes in through the door and says "I know how to spell penis" which is fine and well. I was a little curious as to why the girls class had to learn that, but ok, benefit of the doubt I thought maybe they all learned about the basic anatomy of both genders and the specifics of their own. NOPE. So I found out, that they DIDN'T follow through with the separate class for boys and girls. Both genders learned about EVERYTHING. But they didn't learn about just menstruating and "hair" growing in places and things like that..... my 9 year old went on to describe "wet dreams" YEP THOSE WORDS! She went on to tell me about how boys make sperm from their penis and how sometimes when they find another person "sexy" they make it come out. She went on to tell me how "now we are at an age where we are going to start to feel sexy, and think other people are sexy too"....

I am mortified that my daughter was taught this kind of thing!! She's 9, shes still a baby to me for goodness sakes!! I went into to this thinking she would learn about her own body, I didnt think they would, nor had the right to teach my daughter about full on sex! Anyone else think that 9 is a little early to learn this?? She still plays with Barbies, and they are teaching her that its ok to have "sexual feelings"

I'm a little mad, am I over reacting or would any of the other moms / dads feel this way???

[anisa]

i think adults have a harder time with it than the kids.

we were taught in grade 3 by our teacher in class about the birds and the bees and i never was confused or weirded out by it.

they teach the kids in depth about puberty i think so that they are informed, educated and can know what is appropriate, and what is not appropriate behaviour

you should talk to your school if you have questions

[Natalka]

No, not too early. These days, girls are starting to menstruate at eight and nine years old - it's not uncommon.

About the 'sexy' comments - One thing you need to be clear of - what the teacher is teaching, and what the kids are discussing afterwards.... or just your own child's interpretation of things. At that age they can mix up what they 'think' they heard, mixed with what they've heard on tv, or from other children.
This kind of thing happened all the time when I was teaching elementary school.

We started teaching our son right from when he could speak with proper body part words. Then, the 'where do babies come from' according to our own core values and what we thought he needed to know at each age and stage. One doesn't do that talk just once - it changes as the child ages.

Our son started the school's program in Grade One - but we got to see the parents' guide and student books beforehand. The way the program is set up, parents are to do follow-up with the children at home - the school covered the basics of whatever the theme was, then the parents could go more into depth as they wished. The parents' guides were fabulous.
Please note, this is a Catholic-based program called "Fully Alive", but it also provides just great guidelines for at what stages it is appropriate to teach what themes - not only regarding the biology, but also the emotional aspects of everything.

Perhaps you could check with the teacher to see if there is a parent guide or student text which you can see - if they aren't using one, at least get an idea of the syllabus being used.

[DianneS]

Another things to consider is that around (or well before) that age they are learning these things from at least one of three places: other kids, home or school. My vote was home and school before they were completely misinformed by the other kids.

One thing that I would add, though, is that for my kids our school PAC brought a sexual health educator in and parents who opted in accompanied their children. We sat in the back of the gym and the kids were circled around her. She was very frank but I thought it worked very well because we heard everything they did (I think some parents learned some things!) and were able to carry on a discussion at home. My youngest was 9 at the time. We had talked about things naturally as they came up prior to this time, but the session at the school addressed lots of issues that hadn't yet arisen. (And yes...I was surprised at some of the discussion...)

[JennyFromTheRock]

Another things to consider is that around (or well before) that age they are learning these things from at least one of three places: other kids, home or school. My vote was home and school before they were completely misinformed by the other kids.

One thing that I would add, though, is that for my kids our school PAC brought a sexual health educator in and parents who opted in accompanied their children. We sat in the back of the gym and the kids were circled around her. She was very frank but I thought it worked very well because we heard everything they did (I think some parents learned some things!) and were able to carry on a discussion at home. My youngest was 9 at the time. We had talked about things naturally as they came up prior to this time, but the session at the school addressed lots of issues that hadn't yet arisen. (And yes...I was surprised at some of the discussion...)

Having the parents present would have been an excellent idea! I wish I had thought of that before.

[Bronwen]

I think every kid is different, which unfortunately you can't cater to in a school system. I believe kids should be taught what sex is not for recreation but for procreation. If my 9 year old kid asks me how a baby is made I'm gonna tell them. If my 3 year old asks where the baby comes out of my body, I'm gonna be honest. Otherwise kids are just gonna be confused and uneducated about themselves.

I remember being taught about wet dreams in school (but I was in grade 9). And by the time high school hits let's face it, you know what sex is.

There's a lot of things about public education that I personally find immoral, but as for your question, sadly I don't think 9 is too young to be teaching your kids about sex because if they don't learn it from formal education, they'll learn it from the media, their friends, etc.

I do however think that the form you were made to sign should not have been purposely vague. It should have outlined what topics would be covered.

Just out of curiosity, had you already had the talk with her before this? (my parents never had a formal talk with me but I learned it from my friends in grade 2 - so age 7).

[kokobear666]

I remember learning about this in grade 5, which wasn't bad because I had already gone through the changes at that point (early bloomer at age 9), but it is true what other SCers are saying. It's better they're learning about this through teachers in school rather than children from school, friends, etc. We all know nowadays; any miscalculation, misunderstanding or misuse of information are causes for disaster.

I'll admit I'd be a little terrified if I had a 9 year old daughter talking about feeling sexy and how to "make a boy's penis come up", but I'd make sure my daughter would know that she wouldn't have to worry about this until way later on in life but at least she's enlightened now with changes that will happen with her and (maybe more than she should know) about a boy's body.

For the most part, I think I'm with you in this though. I don't remember learning about feeling sexy, wet dreams and how to make a boy's penis pop up. Talk with the school if this eats away at you a little more than you want it to.

[Minou]

I agree -- girls are reaching puberty earlier, so it's important that the kids are hearing about this. Everything your child mentioned is pretty standard stuff for health class.

[Candini]

I`m on the border.


I do think girls should learn about puberty and periods, things like that - Like Natalka said girls at the age of 10 are 'developing' and even earlier.


As for the whole finding people ' sexy ' at the age of 9 is not appropriate.


I would definatly inquire to the school about your concerns.

[ottawa]

i was always interested in becoming a sex educator within the school system. in my day it was a banana and if ur gonna use it, wrap it. thats it thats all.

statistic's show the earlier and more educated a child has(sex ed) the less likely they are to have early/unwanted pregnancy, std's, etc. They are also more likely to wait for sex before their less educated peers.
i'm a firm believer that more education needs to be given on self love. you give it yourself, you dont need to find it elsewhere.

my parents never had the talk with me and i remember being home with my older sister when i first got my period. i called my sister over to tell her i was dying and she just laughed and called all of her friends to tell them what a twit i was. scarred me for life that experience.
my daughter was taught age appropriate sex education from the time she was born. and when she started her period she yelled from the bathroom that she needed a pad and did it herself like she was a pro.

oh and yup i had a child at 17. not blaming it on any1 but myself but it would have been nice to know condoms and birth control existed and were available.

[Midnightly]

i would definitely be angry.. they told you one thing and did not follow through.. having a co-ed class when they said they would be divided is a HUGE difference.. it is a sensitive subject to talk about (i still remember it from my school days and this was over 15yrs ago.. when your wildly out numbered by boys in the class and boys are well... boys.. they don't want to see or hear about anything male.. they just want to see the images of the naked female )

i don't think talking about "sexy time" is the right thing to be teaching.. it should be more factual how a baby is made, body changing, hair, hormones,menstruation, body odor, i'd be damn angry if they were telling my child about wet dreams (girls do NOT need to know about this at 9yrs old boys maybe taught by a school nurse or male teacher separate from girls)

i'd also even go as far as saying it's ok to teach them about STD's and even contraception at the age of 9 (basic options and why it's soo important to use them) but at the end of the "this is what is happening to your body" talk

we are in the age of the internet and media and info is beyond wildly available to us like it has never been before so kids are seeing and hearing these things much earlier so it's good to get the facts early on and sorta drill it into them (STD's bad protection good) at a young age and hope it sticks

[ottawa]

ohh and it grates on my nerves to no end when i hear parents calling their private parts, their wee wee or tinkler. we don't teach them their nose is a sniffer or their fingers are ,idk insert some cutesy name here, so why are we teaching them that certain body parts are not to be addressed as their proper name. like it's shameful to have

[xox2010]

Honestly, while 9 is a little young to be talking that frankly about sex, I think it's a good thing that they've started the process so early. We didn't learn about birth control until Gr.9; but my mom talked to us about sex (beforehand) and what it was etc. (I do wonder if she heard those things from a classmate or a friend)

[lghend]

Grade 7 & 8 was when we were taught sex ed as kids. 9 seems young to be talking about feeling "sexy". But then I had a hard time finding out my 3 & 4 year old children were learning about penises and vaginas (bad touch, good touch) in daycare. They just seemed sooo young. I totally understand how you feel!!

[K8's Fate]

My advice is first to become informed. All provinces educational curriculum is available to view online. Here's a link to Alberta's Health Curriculum;

http://education.alberta.ca/media/313382/health.pdf

Grade 4Students will:
W–4.1 explore the connections among physical activity, emotional wellness and social wellness
W–4.2 examine the impact of environmental factors on personal health, and develop positive environmental health habits; e.g., exposure to the sun, second-hand smoke, noise, extreme cold/heat
W–4.3 describe physical, emotional and social changes that occur during puberty; e.g., menstruation, secondary sexual characteristics, changing identity and moods
W–4.4 examine the various factors that influence body image; e.g., culture, media, peers, role models, weight loss industry
W–4.5 analyze the need for variety and moderation in a balanced diet; e.g., role of protein, fats, carbohydrates, minerals, water, vitamins
W–4.6 examine and evaluate the health risks associated with smoking and various forms of tobacco
W–4.7 describe and demonstrate passive, aggressive and assertive behaviours; e.g., assertive strategies for use in dealing with bullies
W–4.8 expand practices that provide safety for self and others; e.g., develop guidelines for safe use of technology/chat lines
W–4.9 describe ways to respond appropriately to potentially dangerous situations related to environmental conditions; e.g., lightning, avalanches, tornadoes
W–4.10 describe and demonstrate ways to assist with the safety of others; e.g., helping younger children play safely and cross streets safely

R–4.1 recognize that individuals can have a positive and negative influence on the feelings of others
R–4.2 identify and use short-term strategies for managing feelings; e.g., dealing with excitement, anger, sadness, jealousy
R–4.3 recognize that management positive/negative stress can affect health
R–4.4 demonstrate respectful communication skills; e.g., of describe behaviours that show respect for the feelings of others
R–4.5 identify changes that may occur in friendships, and explore strategies to deal with changes
R–4.6 identify and describe ways to provide support to others; e.g., help a friend deal with loss
R–4.7 practise effective communication skills and behaviours to reduce escalation of conflict; e.g., monitor personal body language
R–4.8 describe and accept roles and responsibilities within a group
R–4.9 assess how to act as important role models for others

L–4.1 develop and apply skills for personal organization/study; e.g., use an effective environment, implement a study plan
L–4.2 identify ways individuals continue to learn throughout their lives
L–4.3 demonstrate effective decision making, focusing on careful information gathering; e.g., evaluating information, taking action and evaluating results
L–4.4 distinguish among, and set, different kinds of goals; e.g., short-term and long-term personal goals
L–4.5 relate personal interests to various occupations
L–4.6 recognize that personal roles will change over time and circumstances
L–4.7 describe the impact of service contributions on self; e.g., increase in self-worth, confidence and understanding of others
L–4.8 select, perform as a class and analyze volunteer accomplishments; e.g., participate in spring cleanup, collect used eyeglasses.

Also, if you have ongoing concerns contact the classroom teacher (phone call, note, or set up a meeting). Inform him or her on what your daughter was saying at home, and discuss your concerns in a respectful manner. Was your child repeating what the teacher was instructing, or was she repeating informal conversations that were going on between peers? Just be sure to approach this conversation in a respectful manner to ensure that your voice is heard and understood.