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Thread: Boyfriend Rant

  1. #1
    CaNewbie-Eager To Learn!
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    I have to get this off my chest before I can fully relax and have a good nights sleep.
    I've been dating my boyfriend for three months. All of his friends have serious girlfriends and sometimes I'm left wondering where I stand!
    His group of friends are very tightly knit and they have all welcomed me into their group, which is fantastic. However, I find my boyfriend excludes me from group events sometimes.
    I understand he needs alone time, but why am I not invited when it is a large group thing?
    For example, a few Saturdays ago I got off work and texted my BF as I had no plans. He let me know he was just having a guys night. That's fine with me! But a few days after that he was telling me a story that involved a girl at his house that same night -- GUYS NIGHT. I asked him why she was there, and why I wasn't invited. He said he didn't know they were coming and he can't control who comes to his house. I let him know how excluded I felt and that I wasn't understanding why he wouldn't have invited me. So I figured he'd stop excluding me, purposely or not.
    Next example, him and I have plans but I am exhausted by the time I'm done work and he happens to be hanging out with his BFF. my BF never gets to see his BFF these days so I said "you never get to hang out with BFF anymore, you two have a good night together " and that was the end of our conversation. So last night we were out for dinner with BFF and BFF's GF. GF started talking about that night, and what they were all doing. They had a party! But I wasn't invited! We had plans and I obviously chose to do nothing so my BF could spend some time with his buddy and then they have a party and don't invite me?
    This rant is getting way too long, but I honestly am wondering why I'm excluded when I get along with everyone. I'm thinking I need to make myself more distant to make him realize he wants me around.
    Sometimes the girls invite me even when my BF doesn't, and I find that so awkward because I always check with him first so it's like "hey, is it okay if I come to that thing you didn't tell me about because the girls invited me". Is it acceptable to just start making plans with the girls and forget about asking my BF?


    Ah, I can finally sleep! Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated!
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    Last edited by Brooke_; Sun, Jun 24th, 2012 at 02:02 AM.
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  2. #2
    Junior Canuck
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    you might no like my advice but here it goes....find a new man, hes not in love with you.when a man is in love he will make sure to bring his girl everywhere, its seems as tho he keeps you around for"just in case". you deserve better, and hes not it, this may be harsh but its the truth.you dont need a man to make you feel bad.I hope this doesnt make you sad but empowered as your a strong woman and you dont need to feel bad.
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  3. #3
    Smart Canuck MillieH's Avatar
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    THe bottom line is what type of relationship you wish to have. If you wish to be with someone every available minute then find someone who desires that as well. When a relationship is developing its a really good idea to not crowd each other. You should always be able to have time for your own interests without asking permission.

    If he is hanging with his friends and a party happens I don't think its necessary to call you, especially if you are all tired.. even the girls showing up. other people may have arranged things.. my concern would be if these situations are just events out of his control or if he is lying to you.. You have to be able to trust him.. try to figure out if he is really doing something wrong or its your view on it that is the problem..

    I am sorry you are feeling this way.. I hope you find a way to sort it so you can enjoy your relationship or move on to one that is a better fit .. if necessary.
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    If it's free it's for me! newwestcouponer's Avatar
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    I second melodyagwu. It sucks, but you've only been dating 3 months, I would cut my losses and move on. He's obviously not into it if he's not inviting you to group activities, OR he's just thoughtless and inconsiderate of your feelings. Either way, he needs his walking papers. Sorry, doll.
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  5. #5
    CaToonie
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    I'd walk. Actually no, run the other way.

    This isn't going to be what you want to hear. My ex (an eternity ago) was like this. Always wanting guys nights out, his best friends GF's were there. Inadvertently other girls would wind up a their home with his roommates. Looking at it as an adult now, it was SO obvious he was cheating on me and wanted his freedom and I was plan B. Maybe even C.

    A man that really loves you and wants to be with you, will move heaven and earth to be by your side. I read this and saw myself at 21 and I'll tell you what I'd tell myself, you're worth more than this and get out. Now. You're already doing the classic thing he wants you to do. Distancing yourself. So while you're out festering wondering if he's missing you by making yourself distant, he's not going to care a quarter of as much as you will wondering why/if he's not missing you. And he won't be. That's the thing. The only person you'll hurting is yourself.

    Don't make someone a priority if they make you an option.

  6. #6
    Mastermind Natalka's Avatar
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    "Don't make someone a priority if they make you an option." - this from nightlite says it all! Well, the whole answer does, but this sums it up perfectly.

    Yes, there are times to do activities apart, etc. - but you need to see that it's not the same in the examples you have given - and I'm sure there are more!

    If I were you, I wouldn't invest myself further with this guy - he's just not into you. NOT that there is anything wrong with you - it's him, not you!

    Sorry, though, I know it's a toughie...

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    CaNewbie Qtpi's Avatar
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    Oh dear. I too dated this guy, same basic story. If I got too "needy" he would back off and act like he didn't like me that much. If I got too distant he would act like I was the only one for him, even crying once because he wanted to be with me and I was with my friends.
    Bottom line, forget him. When I met my husband, we couldn't get enough of each other, he would have NEVER ditched me and had a party with all his friends and their GF's....sorry, but at least it's early enough to let go easily.
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    Canadian Guru DaveP's Avatar
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    Hmm, I wish I had something more to offer from the guy side. What I can tell you is that we guys can be completely clueless and thoughtless, especially when we're young. It takes us a while to grow up (and some of us never do). Big secret, I know. Okay, not so big a secret.

    Anyway it just may be cluelessness rather than callousness. Let him know how this makes you feel. Sometimes we need things spelled out for us (and a good smack on the back of the head). If he doesn't wise up after that, then kick him to the curb.
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    Smart Canuck misstarbender's Avatar
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    He sounds like super douche and you need to dump his ass ASAP!!!
    its only been 3 months...easy peasy. you deserve better!
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  10. #10
    searching for answers i_forget's Avatar
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    If he is like this after 3 months, I would be getting rid of him fast. At 3 months he should be trying to move the stars and the moon for you....not keep you handy for when he wants a piece or for when he needs to have someone on his arm for his friends GF.

    He does not sound like he respects you and he is not doing anything to earn your trust so that he can go out without you feeling the way you do.

    When I was younger, I had a friend who was in a similar situation, but for a lot longer than 3 months. We ended up getting a babysitter for her kids one night and finding out where him and his buddies were for their "guys night out". Dropped in "unexpectedly" and found them all drinking with a bunch of party girls and having a "good time". They were together for a long time and she knew something was up for a long time, which is why she did not trust him enough to go find him and catch him. Not worth the drama.
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  11. #11
    CaLoonie
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    probably not what you want to hear, but i say run too. i have been in 2 relationships where i was never included in group activities....it never changed ever. and these were both long tern relationships. if they dont want you around when its new and wonderful...i promise when you throw real life crap into it their friends will be there escape and you will be stuck sitting at home, wondering why they dont want anyone to meet or see you. sorry sweetie but you deserve a man who is proud to have you on his arm and cant wait to show you off to anyone and everyone
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  12. #12
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    If you're not his priority, then he shouldn't be yours. Find a guy who's proud to walk into a room with you on his arm. This guy doesn't seem to want to commit, imo. I wouldn't want to wait around and find out "other" reasons why he may not be inviting you out. I realize it's hard because you seem to have a connection to his friends, but walk away now before he thinks this is an okay way to treat you forever.
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    Canadian Genius wolfwoman's Avatar
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    I'll make this short and not so sweet. Dump the bum. It will save you alot of heartache in the end and life is too short to waste it on him.
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  14. #14
    Smart Canuck luckbealady's Avatar
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    Forget the guy, hang out with the girls. They sound like they want you around, so make friends with them!
    If that makes your boyfriend uncomfortable, who cares? He obviously isn't inviting you to hang out with them.

    (In all honesty, I'd dump the guy. 3 months isn't very long, but you spoke to your boyfriend and nothing has changed.)
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  15. #15
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    If this is bothering you, then he is not the man for you.
    Because it will get worse as time goes on. He will be hanging out with friends on your anniversary, your birthday, when you've had a hard day at work and need to vent to him, he'll be with friends, and you won't be invited.

    He has shown you the kind of person he is, you can either chose to accept him as he is, or choose to not be with him.
    You cannot change him.

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